Have not cried today. I slept a long time. I ate cereal with milk and didn't take my diabetes medicine to spike my sugar. That always makes me sleepy. My doctor told me to stop doing it because it's dangerous but I get so tired and have to sleep after a few days of feeling too terrified to sleep. I did ok for a while after I woke up but have started to have to rock and hum again. I hate this. It is so irrational. I know there is no danger but I still feel like calamity is about to happen to me again and I might loose someone else that I love. I am so lonely but keep away from people because it hurts so much to loose people. I am trying to have a hobby sewing quilt blocks. I feel good when I feel well enough to work on that. I didn't today. My fasting sugar was 137 when I woke up and everything looks blurry when it's high.I'm so tired of feeling so scared and shaking all the time. They treat me like a drug addict just for asking for medicine to. Help me. I have been hospitalized with depression and anxiety before. I was prescribed clonazepam before. It helped and when I didn't need it anymore I took myself off it with no trouble. But when my daughter was dying and since I have needed it again and they treat me like I am being unreasonable. They aren't living this hell. They don't care. Nobody does. I have to try hard every day to think of a reason to not swallow a bottle of pills and have it over with. I don't want to live a life like this.
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