My anxiety is ruining my life

[James43]

Before anything happened I was 14 in school when my social anxiety stage took over, so I had already been a nervous person, I got over this about 2 years later and my life turned for the better in every way. I loved to party, drinking and even went through a stage of drugs. Then I had my first lads holiday in magaluf about 3 months ago, how I loved the place, drinking non stop and even some e's and coke, a very sinful few days. But on the like the 4th day I rolled up a joint of my mates weed and about 5 of us passed it around the afternoon on our balcony. I felt good... Then I felt weird... I kept coming in an out of focus, got a little scared so walked inside then the worst thing ever happened, I started blacking out, I tried walking down the corridor but every step I took it seemed like I took two back, I've had salvia before (which I was tricked into taking) but this seemed far more crazy. Panic completely kicked in I started thinking I was gunna have to kill myself to make it stop, I thought what if I stop breathing and I thought I'd never be the same again. The stress and fear finally knocked me out and I fell asleep, woke up just saying to myself thank god I made it through that, I started to drink again to go out that night and it all happened again, I couldn't even get medical help and was to scared to be alone so I had to go down the strip with my mates. I was convinced it was the weed I smoked and needed it out of my system funny enough I felt 10x better when out with my friends having a laugh but still very nervous, I didn't drink nothing but water that night, must have drank about 5 litres haha. The next day I was fine again and so happy, I remember feeling a little fuzzy in the head but I put that down to stress, I had a good holiday the rest of the time but about 2 weeks after I came home the same thing happened again, I found out they were panic attacks and got put on beta blockers and citalopram. From there things have just got worse and worse I can't even go outside now without feeling awful, I didn't give the pills much of a chance and decided to go through therapy for cbt. The main thing I hate is the head pressure I feel like I'm floating in my head all the time and as if my head is filled with a big bubble like there's nothing inside haha. I haven't been able to focus myself one minute since, how can I get rid of this stupid head pressure, then I'm convinced I can take on my anxiety and beat it, although if you's think there's another reason for the way I'm feeling due to my holiday trauma please let me know, times are desperate...