I suck and I'm weak!

I didn't have anyone to talk to. My boyfriend is ignoring me, I can't talk to my parents or friends so what I did was cut myself again. I told my guy friend who has really strong feelings for me that I wouldn't do it again and I would stop for him but I couldn't. I had the urge to do it. It's the only thing I can control. It's like I can't talk to anyone bc everyone including my "boyfriend" who claims to "love me" but dose t show it. He's one of the main reasons why I cut myself. But he doesn't care. I know he doesn't. I don't want to break up with him bc I'm scared that I won't find anyone to "love" me like him. My OCD is really getting to me and one day it's just going to push me to the edge and I think that day is coming soon.

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3 Replies

  • Hello. It seems your putting worth and value on the "love" you receive from another. You have to find the balance within yourself to be happy. Granted the attention and love sometimes can help some things but usually not that which is on such a personal level as in cutting. You claim him, he is the reason, when in reality you are the one picking up whatever you use to hurt yourself, you are the one who has to live with the scars, and you are the one left with both inner and outer pain. I damaged my body for a good 15 years before i managed to talk with someone who I learned to trust and dealt with for me was built in hold good trauma. Not saying this is your case but the reality is you are not alone, if you seek help with a professional about your problems you usually can benefit, and personally it comes off a little bit like codependency. My degree is my in psychology so I can only speak on my own personal experiences and the many friends I've had and talked and learned from. If you aren't happy with your bf then you should go. The idea is not to have someone else waiting right after you break up. Being single gives you time to work on YOU and not try to give Ito a relationship which sounds like there is not much coming back. Loneliness is tough, I look sometimes and I'm taking chemo meds, infusions, and think well fuck this would be easier if I had someone but when I did have my ex it was as you said, your talking but they aren't listening, it just made me feel far worse to not get the same effort back and well I learned through working with my therapist at that time and I was able to progress to not cutting. I may do other things to satisfy that desire but they are healthy. Maybe deciding what is best for YOU. Not well is anyone else gonna date me, love me, etc. Would you be happiest in long run without that person. Obviously first month is scary and hard but look at big picture. I gave far too much opinion in this post which I try to not do and I hope you take it as sincerity and not me pointing my finger etc. I hope you are feeling a little better.

  • Morning Anxious Gal

    Sorry to hear you are struggling. Always come on here and post we will always chat to you.

    Like you say cutting yourself is what you feel in control of, so maybe if you get the urge to do it again come on here instead and try to distract your self from the urge.

    Have you seen your doc about how you are feeling?

    Maybe a chat with him might help with things. Don't forget we are always here to talk so post away and you will get through it.

    gardener x

  • You seem to be craving feeling, whether it's the love of your boyfriend or the attention and love from your family and friends. This is not a bad thing, every person needs love and attention and like you mentioned you are being ignored

    And so you cut, a feeling is what you get, whether it's the pain or the adrenaline rush or both you are getting an emotional response from someone even if it is from your own body

    Are you simply scared you won't find another love like your boyfriends or are you convincing yourself you're not worthy?

    If you ever get that urge come on here and talk it through, I'm dealing with issues which made me join last night and I'm glad I did, people will always listen and try there very best to give advice. X

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