couldn’t do it

[Rufus07]

Sig. other has his work Xmas party tonight and I couldn’t do it. Had anxiety just thinking about having to interact with people and flat out just didn’t want to go. Nothing brings me happiness so why even try. I’m so tired of just existing but I don’t know how to fix me. I’m such a pessimist, I’ll be the first to admit , so that just makes everything worse. I disappointed sig. other and I feel horrible.

[Hidden]

Need a hug?

Pooh hug

[Rufus07 in reply to Hidden]

Yes I do! Thank you!

[Downandout123 in reply to Rufus07]

I'm sorry this happened to you tonight. I know EXACTLY how you feel. Wish I knew what to say. 😣

[Rufus07 in reply to Downandout123]

I wish things could’ve turned out differently. I’m sorry you feel this way too. Thank you for your reply 🙂

[Downandout123 in reply to Rufus07]

Thank you. Maybe next time!

[CatsandCheese]

It's OKAY. It's NO BIG DEAL. I can't do the meaningless small talk with strangers either. Don't beat yourself up. It JUST DOESN'T MATTER. 🫂

[Rufus07 in reply to CatsandCheese]

I do beat myself up because it happens so often. My sig. other has told me many times that he feels like we are just roommates because we never do anything together. This hurts me so much. He’s an extrovert….the more noise and people the better. That’s not me. Not even with friends. It’s too overwhelming. I try to tell myself it just doesn’t matter, I a lot of times it doesn’t, but then I feel bad because I don’t think I should feel that way. It’s just another way I let him down.

[CatsandCheese in reply to Rufus07]

There's that word in there that gets us into trouble: should. I should be this or that, I should feel this way or that way, I should be able to... You aren't asking your partner to change or to avoid situations. I'm not qualified to give advice. I have agoraphobia and mobility issues and am codependent living with an alcoholic husband who can be cruel. But on better days we watch movies together and talk. There must be things you BOTH enjoy. Keep coming back here. It's important to have acceptance from others for who you are. And accept yourself AS YOU ARE. I'm working on that. Sending hugs to someone who is VERY LIKABLE AS IS. 😻🫂💐

[Rufus07 in reply to CatsandCheese]

Thank you so much! That put a smile on my face🙂

[Beavis2022 in reply to CatsandCheese]

LOVE your reply to Rufus - very open, honest, and succinct. Your advice about acceptance was like music to my ears. Just what so many need to hear and remember.

[CatsandCheese in reply to Beavis2022]

😻 Thank you. Just when I needed to hear something positive. Given a lot of verbal abuse today. Been in bed crying with a box of Kleenex and wishing it was all a bad dream.

[Beavis2022 in reply to CatsandCheese]

Thank you for replying. I feel so very bad for what you are going through right now. I once had a marriage just like yours. Wish I could help you somehow. Verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse, because it destroys your happiness. You need people on your side who will support you, like this website. It's hard to make any progress when you are being put down all the time. One thing I learned is that people like this never change, no matter what you do. I hope I'm not getting too personal. Verbal abuse is most definitely domestic abuse - have you looked into websites concerning this? There's help out there for you, even with mobility issues and agoraphobia.

[CatsandCheese in reply to Beavis2022]

The police don't think it's abuse. I guess I understand their frustration - I call but I don't do anything. Don't know what to do. A family lawyer is calling me today. It was suggested I get a power of attorney so he's not in charge of my health decisions EVER. It's weird. I'm afraid of him and afraid to leave the house. I WON'T leave my cats - I owe them my life. He was on the floor for HOURS last night trying to get up. I hid in my room (he has the rest of the house) and wished he would die (AND felt sorry for him). Thank you for writing. I have found this site helpful.💔😿

[Beavis2022 in reply to CatsandCheese]

thehotline.org is one website that will help and inform. There are others. I'm sorry; I didn't mean that you should call the police, I just want you to feel better. I've been through all this for years - I've had the police say that they wouldn't help me because THEY were afraid of him! I know what it is to love and hate a person at the same time. I think all these women feel exactly that way, that's what is so hard about it. Any person can find themselves in this situation - there's nothing wrong with you or me. I'm also afraid to leave my house; been like that my whole life. It's a scary world out there when you're already under tremendous stress.

[CatsandCheese in reply to Beavis2022]

Thank you. 🫂😿

[Nothing_but_books in reply to CatsandCheese]

--- TRIGGER WARNING --- ⚠️

"Wished he would die (AND felt sorry for him)." Oh my yes. You're not alone... been there, felt that.

The police aren't always the resource they should be. I called them when I was physically assaulted, but my abuser is careful to leave no marks. They arrived -- the police. I was crying and shaking. He was calm and assured.

He explained to the police that I'm unbalanced and make things up.

They shoved me in the back of the police car, and dragged me off to the looney bin. At the -- excuse my language this is all very triggering -- at the nut house I was hobbling down the hall slowly because I am old and crippled. The officer was walking behind me where I couldn't see him. A huge hulk of a man. He put his beefy hand on my shoulder and shoved, hard, saying "Let's move it along!" I stumbled and almost went down on the concrete floor.

I never called for help again. It was the third time I'd asked for help and they allowed themselves to be conned. It's still "now" to me.

Find your strength in yourself, and those who have shown themselves trustworthy.

[Rufus07 in reply to CatsandCheese]

I’m sorry you are going through this 😢. Sending 🫂 hugs.

[CatsandCheese in reply to Rufus07]

🫂💐

[Nothing_but_books in reply to CatsandCheese]

Hi CatsandCheese.

Your message spoke exactly to my situation, and gave me comfort. We never know how many people we help just going through our day, do we. Thank you.

💜💜🦜

[CatsandCheese in reply to Nothing_but_books]

One of the cops said yesterday maybe I need some "girl time". What did that mean? 🪦💃

[Rufus07 in reply to CatsandCheese]

He obviously doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Girl time doesn’t fix everything.

[CatsandCheese in reply to Rufus07]

Maybe he was trying to be helpful. I'm thinking he's the same guy (super tall) who came to our house and talked with our daughter years ago when she was giving kids money at school because she wanted friends. My daughter is intellectually disabled and was in a class with some streetwise thugs who had other problems. SAD.

[Rufus07 in reply to CatsandCheese]

He probably was trying to be helpful.

[Dancelady63]

Don’t feel bad, I had to go to a function last week with my sig other and I wanted to go home the minute I got there. Luckily the music was loud and I didn’t have to do the small talk etc. do you and nothing else matters. Xoxoxo

[Rufus07 in reply to Dancelady63]

It does matter because it’s hurting him and I feel like crap every time I back out of something….which is pretty much always. Thank you for your reply

[Rocky_3787 in reply to Rufus07]

I understand completely. I really dont like to go out much anymore, especially with my husbands friends because frankly I don't like any of them. I got to the point as a recovering people pleaser to stop agreeing to things I know I don't want to do in the first place, because I know how its going to go. So you can minimize the let down your sig other may feel. Maybe sometimes there can be compromise in order to balance things out. I hope your sig other truly understands who you are . I also feel that just because your not an extrovert like them doesn't mean that you should feel bad for it or try to change. Self love and acceptance are major keys here. Big hugs!

[Rufus07 in reply to Rocky_3787]

Thank you for the hugs!

[boojiboo]

Forcing an introvert into their extrovert things isn't healthy; sig. other needs to take it easy on you. 1 out of 10 what do you think of your relationship with sig. other 1 as Ok- 10 as in gloomy.

[Beavis2022]

So sorry to hear this, I'm in your same situation. My sig. other is much more social, but likes to be alone, also. I understand your feeling guilty, I would, too, even though he's free to go, and they're really his friends, not yours. I'll bet he wouldn't want you to suffer if he knew how much this hurts you. Lots of people don't like to socialize; I just can't seem to get this through my head.

[Rufus07 in reply to Beavis2022]

Thank you for your reply🙂