It's my first day on this and I'm very glad this thing exists. I knew there had to be something similar to this and I am looking forward to connecting with folks who also share this struggle that can make us feel so alone at times. My diagnosis is GAD and Panic disorder.
I am 31 years old and have been on 30 mgs of Paxil for about 12 years. I did try to get off of it about 7 years ago but I think my doctor had me go way too FAST. I'm pretty sure we did 20 mgs for a week then did 20 mgs every other day for a week and then just stopped or something like that. I've come to learn through my own research that that usually doesn't work for anyone. We also were doing it because I wanted to experiment with different SSRI's or SNRI's. None of them worked though and after a couple months of this I was glad to just go back to my 30 mgs of Paxil and go with the "don't fix it if it ain't broken" type of approach. I think Buproprion was starting to work but I had an allergic full body rash so that ended after about a week. I can't remember the other 1 or 2 meds I tried. I think Prozac was one.
Anyways, here I am on about my 12th or 13th year of Paxil in 2024 and I've had several different things that although are manageable, I would love to take care of or at least improve but then one more issue that has been a little more debilitating. I don't know if it's numbness or derealization or depression or a subtle combo of all of them but it's something along those lines. I remember it flaring up in early September 2024 and it kind of went away for a week towards the end of the month then returned in October.
Right around this time my wife actually tried an anti-depressant for a month as well but she didn't like it and complained of it making her numb and nauseous and just generally in a poor mood.
Around that time in Mid October, it occured to me that one thing I hadn't really tried (I've tried most other things; meditation, high amounts of exercise, talk therapy, religion, etc) was decreasing my Paxil. In September my wife did a trial of anti-depressants herself for about a month and complained of how crappy she felt. I had about 5 therapy sessions over the course of 2024 and my therapist did mention the possibility of the med no longer being effective. I decided that maybe I could benefit from getting off of the darn thing or at least decreasing the dosage.
Through some research, I found out that a lot of people have experienced these meds no longer working after 5-10 years or so of prolonged use and what's known as "pooping out." I decided I was going to try decreasing my dosage again and hopefully getting off of them completely but going MUCH SLOWER than the previous time back in 2017.
On Friday October 25th 2024 I began my journey of decreasing / tapering / weaning off of Paxil. I was pretty tired of feeling this numbness/derealization/whatever it was that I had been feeling and kind of obsessing about over the past 6-8 weeks and I was very convinced that less paxil was the way to go so I actually skipped my dosage on Friday the 25th and then picked up my 20 mgs dosage on Saturday. Saturday night I remember thinking, "Man I'm in a good mood and I feel more social than I have in quite a while."
Over the next 12-13 days I felt so good. I was pretty convinced that less paxil was going to improve my mood in a variety of ways and who'd have thought after my experience in 2017 that I might actually be able to get off of this med! I was so happy. The numb/derealization feeling was gone. I remember walking outside and just being like "wow it's a beautiful day. I haven't felt this good in a while." Over this period of time I remember thinking that not only the numbness/derealization had went away but I also felt more social, more energetic, more creative, etc. All great things that I realized my anti-depressant had been inhibiting more than I realized. The only worry I had is, "is there a placebo effect happening? How can 30 mgs to 20 mgs make that much of a difference." And if it is mental, that means that it won't be as easy as cutting my dose. But then again, it sure seemed to be working. So after taking 20 mgs for 11 days I even skipped a day (it seemed to work when I moved from 30 to 20 but I realized this isn't a good idea) and then 2 days later moved down to 15 with the recommendation of my doctor. Well day 13 is when I took 15 mgs for the first time and I had one of the worst panic attacks I've ever had. I was driving 3 hours to a music gig and I felt nauseous in the car and started to feel physically sick and then my panic came on. I took my PRN of .5 mg clonazapem that I keep in my wallet and even that took over an hour to kick in (usually is effective after 30-40 minutes). I felt fine for a few more days then day 17 (day 4 of 15 mgs) I had a similar but not quite as bad experience of panic/anxiety/nausau. This time I was a little quicker to go ahead and take my clonazapem. That did the trick again but now it's day 18 (day 5 of 15 mgs) and I felt pretty crappy this morning but had a good work related phone call that helped my overall mood.
Thanks for reading my novel. I messaged my doctor this morning and said that the 15 hadn't been going as well and that I would probably have to give it more time before decreasing to 10 cause originally she and I had thought it would be a good idea to decrease every 2-3 weeks. I also said that maybe I'll just have to stay on 15 or go back to 20. Does anyone have any insight or recommendations? Obviously I will listen to my doctor but it's always good to hear from those with similar experiences. No doom and gloom messages please.
PS. I'm hoping that the decrease from 20 to 15 will only be rough for a week and then my body will stabilize and that I can stay on 15 mgs daily for somewhere between 2-8 weeks and then reassess if I want to go back to 20 or stay on 15 or continue tapering. I guess I was just thrown way off guard that 20 would have great results and then 15 would be so tough. Has anyone else experienced this?
Is it depression or depersonalization?
Nights are ok ; days not so ! Share please
Worst day of 2019
Paxil side effects or zoloft withdrawal
