Nasty relatives.

[benmaise]

How do I stop thinking about nasty relatives? They have told lies and said nasty things about my family. I get very anxious if I see any of them. One of them laughs at me when she sees me. Any advice on how to keep calm? This person started all the problems. My friends on this site usually give me good advice.

[gettingsomewhere]

Hi. I'm sorry to read you have some nasty relatives but do you need to see them?

[fauxartist]

Boy do they sound like a piece of work.... I avoid as many of those people as I can...and the ones I can't avoid.... become invisible to me...I'm too old and too tired, and been there and done that to give a crap about what anyone thinks of me anymore... I have great friends, and a loving partner and my nieces and nephews love me...other than that.... I just don't care. I'm not a people pleaser anymore...that co-dependent stuff is gone. These people that think they have a neg. opinion of me can think what ever they want, they don't pay my rent or pay my bills, so their negative opinions mean nothing.

Who ever these people are to you in your life, obviously have a problem with diplomacy, respect, and decorum. They are not worth your time in responding to them...just because they may be family doesn't give them any leverage over being jerks to you....you owe them nothing.

[catsrock]

There's a great book that has helped me: "When Difficult Relatives Happen to Good People"

[Midori]

The relly who laughs at you is bullying you, pure and simple, and the rest are sheep following her, by the sound of it. Bullies, Like hunting dogs, will always single out and attack the one who appears the weakest, such as a newborn, or an injured one.

Sometimes, depending on the animals, the parents, and sometimes the whole herd will gang up on the attackers and drive them off.

Is is necessary to see them, or can you get one of your family to go out with you? Are your side of the family aware of what is going on? If not, You need to let them know. Or does this happen at family gatherings?

Bullies tend to have fragile egos, If you can get the better of them in front of their friends, they will often back down. If you can lessen the effect by turning the tables, finding something you can laugh at them about, they will lose face in front of their friends.

Hope this helps.

Cheers, Midori