I’ve been suffering from Addiction, Anxiety Childhood Trauma , Couples issues, Depression, Emotional Abuse , Narcissist Abuse .
Over the years I’ve been seeking acceptance from others and my wife. When there are issues and I don’t feel accepted or ‘good enough’ for anyone I’ve contemplated ending my life.
I’ve taken most AD meds. I’ve been to a few silent meditation retreats, I’ve had a personal therapist for 4+ years (current one not quite 2 years?!?) Tried TMS and am currently on 5th round of Ketamine.
I’ve stopped marijuana 4 months ago. And I think I’ve made quite a bit of progress in the past 6+ months with my therapist, journalling, gratitude practice and daily affirmation.
Though I’m still not good enough for my wife. There are still things I do at a subconscious level that I can’t seem to stop.
To name a Couple:
Not validate her opinion/point of view vs stating mine as fact.
Not recognising a request as is a respecting the boundaries that are set.
I also have ADHA. So my mind races with lots of thoughts. Oh so many thoughts. I’m a black and white thinker. I have a bad habit to talk some of my thoughts out loud that upsets the boundaries that have been set.
Wife has had a psilocybin therapy and says I need to do it too. I’m not against it. But just not sure how it’s going to handle some of my mind racing and speaking issues.
Thank you for any comments, support or suggestions!