Not sure how this works but am finding the holidays extra hard.

[anxiousintexas]

Trying to stay even in my moods but I'm not looking forward to seeing my parents over the holidays. It's very hard to be around them since I realize I suffer from complex ptsd.

[ClassicalBlueKitty]

Anxiousintexas, I am in the same boat. My family is still important to me, regardless of the past and present issues we have had. One of the most heartbreaking things in my opinion is the huge difference between how holidays are viewed in the culture vs. the experiences of someone from a toxic family. As hard as it is I recommend trying to find a way to define your window of tolerance for family time. That doesn't mean that you have to be alone on the holidays either though. There are a lot of older people in nursing homes that love to have young people come visit and listen to them. It may be weird at first and if you get really close to someone who passes it can be hard, but that interpersonal connection is so important. And you deserve people who are so excited and grateful to see you on the holidays. If you are a part of a church or volunteer organization etc... you can see if there are some people there that also have family problems or not many around them this season and plan a holiday celebration together. Idk, you don't have to do any of this, but just providing some suggestions that have helped me in rough seasons.

[gajh]

It makes me sad that you feel that you have to be with your parents over the holidays. It is ok to have boundaries. It is ok to say no. It is ok to take care of yourself. You don't have to let the holidays force you into doing things that aren't good for you. Do you have a therapist that you can talk to about this? I hope you make the best decision for yourself. You deserve safety.

[anxiousintexas in reply to gajh]

I do have a therapist. Have invited my parents to my house and it will just be them and me and my husband. If they get out of hand I will ask them to leave. My house, my rules. Have only seen them once in the past 5 months. At this point I am only prepared to see them on holidays. No more weekly visits.

[gajh in reply to anxiousintexas]

That is great I am glad that you do have a therapist. Please stick to "my house, my rules." That is perfect. I am glad that you are willing to ask them to leave if you need to. Take good care of yourself.

[litethatnevergoesout]

I’ve gone through this many times. I dealt with it by sweeping the floor non stop. nobody really can have any sort of ongoing conversation with someone that’s occupied with sweeping the floor I noticed. I guess it helped I had no carpeting. the vacuum cleaner would put a healthy wall of non interaction up.

[peacefulandcalm]

hi, did you cptsd get started by parents?

do they trigger it?

I understand.

I love mine so much and my cptsd gets triggered so badly.

I wish we could all, all of us with cptsd from childhood, could get together and have holidays....

set boundaries, like decide how much you can take beforehand....hugs...xxx

[BedBug]

Don't commit to long family celebrations. Keep them short. Tell your parents in advance so they are aware. If you become uncomfortable then excuse yourself and leave. Good luck.

[Kinlay]

It's okay to NOT see them. I had to take a many-years break from my mother because of my CPTSD from childhood. I chose to put myself first, and now only see her in very small doses when I feel able and willing. It is okay to choose what is best for you!!!!

Currently, I am on an extended break from my sister for similar reasons. And that is Okay, too. Be kind to yourself. You don't owe your family simply for being your family, especially if they did not play the proper roles for you when you were growing up or now.

If you do feel you NEED to see them (for you, not for them) put a strict time limit and/or controlled setting in place. I still use our dogs as a reason to leave early from family events when I know I am done.

The idea of family and holidays is so far from the reality for so many of us. Please don't put pressure on yourself because of the unrealistic expectations of other or of society.

I have spent a number of Thanksgivings and Christmases with friends or even at home on my own, and found those experiences just as rewarding once I gave myself permission.

Let me say again, as a survivor, it is always alright to put your own needs first. Best wishes - and happy holidays to you!