Hope you can help

[Itspiru]

I've been facing difficulties in my daily routine for about two months. I'm trying to be productive everyday but I just can't. It's getting harder to concentrate. Every morning I wake up and think that why I am even alive. I had someone whom I really loved and then we broke up. I have doe whatever I could to save our relationship but I couldn't. I don't know how am I supposed to deal with it. I don't want to feel like this. All I want right now is a little bit of peace. I'm too tired to fight . I'm afraid to even share because people will judge me and stare at me with sympathy. I don't want that. I feel heavy. Too heavy....

[BlueAgave]

No judgement here. You do need to try and keep up a routine daily. I feel like I struggled a lot with relationships when I was younger and just had to focus on myself and being more independent. It's difficult losing someone you love and it may take some time to get over, but be kind to yourself. It's not just one person's fault. This will pass and you will feel better. I did finally find someone in my life and married at age 39. I found someone who accepts me for who I am. You will too.

[Itspiru in reply to BlueAgave]

Thank you very much. I'll try to do what you said.

[Hidden]

Hello. Thank you for being so open and sharing this. First of all I can only imagine how much you are hurting and how exhausted you are feeling.. if you have put so much effort into this and it then not working out. I’m very sorry you are going through this. I can only imagine the feeling of sadness and maybe even like you failed personally..but from what you are writing you have tried everything you could and maybe even more than was good for you. I believe a connection is the result of what both parties equally contribute and can not be uphold by only one person long term in a healthy way.

I‘ve definitely felt like in similar situations. Like I had no energy to do anything and go on, like I’ve exhausted all my reserves to something or keep someone and it just still wasn’t enough. What helped me was be compassionate with myself, allow myself to feel whatever I‘m feeling. Lower my own high standards for myself for a while.. reduce everything to absolute necessities until energy frees up again and batteries are recharged, pause everything that is not essential for you personally, allow rest, allow quiet time to process, allow loving care by others.

What I learned is, if something or someone is right for you, it or they will not take more than you are able to give and be well. Sometimes we can learn to practice better self care. But some times we are trying to hold on to something when deep down we already now it is not for us (anymore). Sometimes we fight very hard for or against something when it can be wiser to take a step back and be more mindful about what we really want our focus to be and on what is good for us to put our energy towards.

I feel we are often taught this subconsciously by the outside world, but relationships are not the only way to experience love, belonging and comfort. Just because of the fact there is or isn’t something that the label „relationship“ can be put on in a persons’s life, that alone says nothing about wether they are experiencing or living in a space of love. You are valuable just for being you and you do not need a partner to be valuable and to experience love, joy, safety or fulfillment. It‘s beautiful if it happens that we find someone who lifts us up and who we can share this journey with.. sometimes that can be a friend, a family member, a romantic partner or even a stranger. But there are lots of ways and situations to experience and to be in a space of peace and love. It‘s different for everyone and different times. Often in hindsight I could see purpose and growth in situations that I spend fighting with all my might. Just to later find that something else was already waiting that brought me to a more authentic place of gratitude and love, that I couldn‘t even imagine before.

It‘s okay to not be productive for a while if you need space to recover and heal and grow from this situation. Your value lies in your heart and soul, in whatever you believe that deep core is that is unchangeable inside you and always beautiful and whole in every moment, not in how many words you type or how many dustbunnies you chase in a day.

Remind yourself that whatever you are experiencing now, even if you can’t imagine it now, is just a moment and it will pass. It‘s okay to feel heavy and too tired to be productive if that is what you are feeling right now. It‘s okay to accept that at the moment, it is time to rest and take to be good to yourself and be as compassionate and supportive and empathetic with yourself and with what you and your body, mind and soul are experiencing and needing to heal right now.

[Itspiru in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for understanding . It means a lot.