Monday....Monday...

[mizzou7016]

Monday Monday.....so good to me....

Hoping that everyone is having a great day today.....please stay safe and know that someone from Missouri USA Loves you.....Blessed Be

[gajh]

Happy Thursday to you mizzou7016.

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

alas my dear friend......Thursdays are Mondays in My world....so while you are winding down your week.....mine is just starting

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

Then a very happy Monday to you.

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

good so far....only 3 more hours to go...

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

Oh are you at work right now?

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

yes......7a-7p.....in the central time zone

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

That is good that you get to be here with us while you are working. That must help with the work day.

[mizzou7016 in reply to mizzou7016]

sometimes....sometimes I need reminders of what has gotten me this far in my career and life....sometimes it helps me focus on something other than the cruelty

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

Yes definitely focus on something other than the cruelty. What do you have 10 months to go I think?

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

I can retire in august of 2024.....not sure what will happen...but i will have the option....will only be 54....

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

Oh I thought that you already knew that you were going to retire?

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

I am planning on it....but wont retire from here until i get something lined up...will only be 54 so i will need to find something else until i hit the magic age

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

Yes but it would be wonderful to get out of there as soon as you possibly can. Do you have any ideas about what you are going to do next? Hopefully not something stressful.

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

hard to say....i've been doing this half my life.....most of what i did before is obsolete now.....so we shall figure it out....if nothing else i will work at walmart

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

Yes work at walmart if you have to. It would be better than staying where you are. You have to take care of yourself. It is bad enough that you have to go through this until August.

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

This job has taken care of me pretty good over the years...I wasdoing ok until 2018...

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

What happened in 2018?

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

was directly involved in a riot.....and then last july was assaulted responding to another staff member getting assaulted.....combine that with all of the drug situations and other things....made it a tough few years

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

You have been through so much. Did you have depression or anxiety before the riot or is the riot what brought everything on? Just the riot alone let alone the assault and drug situations is more than enough to cause serious trauma. How do you heal when you are still being exposed to it?

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

Depression has been ongoing for decades...anxiety pretty much in the last 10 years...riot has definitely enhanced those....As for healing...I don't think I will ever personally completely heal....My survival mode right now is repression and regression....Don't/Can't continuously live in the past....but can't forget it either....Unfortunately we can't predict the behavior of pyschotic individuals who most of have nothing to lose....has caused a lot of cognitive distortions for me....

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

You may not ever completely heal, but I bet you will heal tremendously when you get out of that dangerous environment. Of course you are still in survival mode. Depression and anxiety alone are more than enough to deal with. Ongoing trauma is a whole other thing. Are you in therapy or do you have someone who you can talk to regularly? I hope you aren't going through this all on your own. I know you have people here, but I mean in your day to day life.

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

I've got a select few that I talk to on a regular basis...It's been hard for me because not everyone understands the emotional and mental trauma that comes with being a public safety professional...the horrors a person who wears a badge....be it fire, Law Enforcement, Corrections, or EMS goes through every day of their existence...I love my job....always will...but right now I hate it

[gajh in reply to mizzou7016]

I am relieved to hear that you do have a select few that you talk to on a regular basis. I am glad that you aren't all alone. Have you looked into any support groups for public safety professionals? It would be great if you could connect with people who truly understand and can relate to what you are going through. I am surprised to hear that you do love your job. I can much better understand that right now you hate it.

[mizzou7016 in reply to gajh]

I have always loved what I do...but things have definitely changed between now and when I 1st started back in 1997. "rules" were a lot different back then.....our hands are tied so bad....

[Hidden]

Hope your day goes well - good mental health day too

[mizzou7016 in reply to Hidden]

so far so good....3 hours to go......hasn't been too bad...

[mizzou7016]

It is very scary...but...fortunately or unfortunately....I don't live in fear..A lot of people don't understand that I basically live in 2 different worlds...and although there are similarities.....there are definitely differences too...

[Trainchaser]

Very nice uplifting post. Hope you have a great day

[mizzou7016 in reply to Trainchaser]

Days are what I make of them...some days I conquer the world....some days the world conquers me....I've developed the as long as i am on the right side of the dirt i can deal with everything else attitude...one step at a time

[Trainchaser in reply to mizzou7016]

Good attitude. I always say every day above ground is a good day. Some days better than others. Always try to see the good in every thing. Just stated doing that in the past couple of months helps me a lot. I go one day at a time and if need be one hour at a time. Regards. Rick

[mizzou7016 in reply to Trainchaser]

and if need be 1 minute at a time....and 1 breath at a time...I understand that my mood can either escalate or deescalate the situation....just stay focused...