Anxiety

[Marsewell]

I am asking help with a fear that I have with a sister that has been verbally abusive to me in the past. I think she may blame me for having to get rid of her dogs (basically her children) because the landlord is upset that he could smell urine in the home. She has been hospitalized for 6 weeks and I have done the best I can to clean up after them but obviously I wasn't entirely successful ( 4 dogs, 3 are elderly). I am fearful that because at times she has shown she is unstable and I have developed a fear that she will try to physically hurt me. She has never been physically abusive to me but it doesn't stop me from fearing that she will if she were to become enraged about the dogs. I am having a lot of anxiety.

[hypercat54]

Why do you have to help her if she is like that? I would leave her to it to be honest. But if you want to help then leave at the first sign of verbal aggression. You don't have to put up with it you know just because she is your sister.

Or take someone with you if you can so you feel safer.

[Marsewell in reply to hypercat54]

You're right, I don't. There is no one else to take care of her dogs until she gets home and it's not their fault. Once she gets home from the hospital then I will play it by ear. What I am saying is she has not been verbally abusive in about 3 years toward me but now that things are changing I am fearful that something will happen. The last time she went into a rage I stood up to her and she backed off and left. I am projecting and feeling anxious about a what if scenario.

[hypercat54 in reply to Marsewell]

Well you know what to do then. You are in control of the situation and have a plan. Now chill and you can stop worrying about it.

[Marsewell in reply to hypercat54]

Please don't tell me to chill and stop worrying about it. I have anxiety and if you are a member of this group I'm going to assume you have either anxiety and or depression? Why are you here if you don't? Sounds like you have it all wrapped up and have all the answers. Congratulations. I am looking for feedback and kindness and people who can relate to me. I am scared and to tell me to chill is flippant, like what I am saying is unimportant. Please don't comment anymore on what I talk about, it's not for you to decide what I should do or how I should handle my situation. Just back off and leave me alone. I came to this forum to talk to people and release some of my feelings and fears and you need to back off.

[CLB1125]

I don’t think hypercat54 was trying to be flippant with you, but rather saying you know how to handle the situation so don’t worry. 😌

[Marsewell in reply to CLB1125]

I may know how to handle a situation with my sister but I am still scared of her and have anxiety about what is happening to her right now. My stomach is in a knot and I would rather not interact with her at all in the coming weeks now that she has to get rid of her dogs.

[CLB1125 in reply to Marsewell]

I know what you mean. Just thinking of certain situations just makes me physically ill.

[catsrock]

I have a sister who is emotionally abusive and I pretty much stay away from her/we're estranged. She lives with my mom, who she is abusive to, but my mom is the enabler and will take care of my sister until she dies. These people/family dynamics rarely change in my experience and those of others I've seen. My sister is 58 and it's only become worse over time - pretty sure she has borderline personality disorder, but she won't ever get diagnosed because, to her, it's everyone else's problem and it's not her. Anyway, just wanted you to know that there are others who understand. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself and set boundaries with your sister.

[Marsewell in reply to catsrock]

Thank you catsrock for telling me about your sister. It helps to know I'm not the only one.

[CLB1125]

I have a hate relationship with my brother’s wife. She’s bossy and ignorant. The sad part is we were best friends in school. Now I just tense up just thinking to be in the same room as her.