Short Rant about my anxiety

[Pinky_12]

Hi everyone, i haven’t been on here to write in ages but i have been reading through posts. (They help me feel seen by ppl who understand) Just wanted to come on here and get some stuff thats been on my chest off it. i have a massive fear of psychosis, it what a lot of my anxiety stems from. At the peak of my anxiety i felt like i was losing the plot and i experienced somewhat of what i think is a psychotic break and it was terrifying it took me months to get back normal and im still dealing with issues around the subject till this day. I’ve made major progress but every time i get uncomfortable sensations it bring me back to that time and i start freaking out about mental health issues like psychosis and schizophrenia. I don’t know why both freak me out the way they do but thinking about it sends me into a spiral and lately its not been so easy in to keep calm. Sleeping is especially hard as i do have obsessive intrusive thoughts about it that work me up soo much its impossible to chill and like most people with some sort of anxiety its really hard to focus thoughts when frazzled and that makes me panic more. Even when i do find myself sleeping i wake up shook and then begin thinking about how this is it, this is how it start’s even though i know its just a regular nocturnal panic attack.

[mosti001]

Thank you for sharing, my anxiety has been the strongest it has ever been and is causing me to be really paranoid. It seems that when I do have a panic attack my mind goes to the worst places with my paranoia and I do feel like I am slipping away. My mother always used to joke about me snapping because I have always been a constant thinker and worrier and the joke is just not as funny as it used to be. This is the first time I am fully confronting my depression and anxiety and being open with friends and family which has shown me just how people can and do view mental health. I worked so hard to create this image that everyone was so proud of and now I'm not sure if it is my paranoia or not but I feel they are looking at me differently, like less than they used to if that makes sense. Our minds are immensely powerful which can be amazing at times, but also quite destructive.

[Pinky_12 in reply to mosti001]

Your post is soo relatable to me for two reasons i also felt like i worked so hard for a certain image. Ive always been known as the confident friend and i guess that why my anxiety kinda hits be the hardest, i know its because i fight it, and i know doing that is counterproductive as anxiety is paradoxical but when im panicking i cant seem to not engage with the thoughts and the panic. Like you i also felt like i was being viewed differently due to the anxiety, but know that i look back being vocal about my struggles was definitely one of the most freeing decision ive ever made. The narrative that your viewed differently is perpetuated by the anxiety, it is more than likely not real. Your friends and family do not view you any less of a person due to your anxiety. I also understand how the joke might now leave a sour taste in your mouth. Jokes along those lines that never bothered me before typically bother me now too. I can reassure you though that you are not going to snap any time soon,(i feel this way often 2) it does however feel that way sometimes but you’ve to remind yourself that it is the panic speaking. 🩷

Pinky x