Anxiety and me

[Anxietylady]

Hi everyone, just wanted to reach out and share my thoughts on this whole anxiety thing. I have been diagnosed with GAD and PD (Panic Disorder) and I have been dealing with this for 20+ years. I have tried many different meds and other remedies, some worked for awhile and some did not. I have been through alot. I have come to realize that I am on my own through this and the only way to cope is to come up with your own plan. I take everything one day at a time and I seem to push through, even though it is tough some days. I am not saying that this is the way everyone should be, its just what works for me. I have good days and bad days but I try to make the best of what I can. I try to stay positive and hope for a better day tomorrow. Maybe one day there will be a something that can fix this, but until then, I must keep on pushing myself through.

[Wildflower13]

I really appreciate the honesty in your post. It really hits me right where I am at. I have struggled with anxiety for about 18 years, I have tried a handful of medications (took lexapro for years) as well as a blood pressure med to help with heart palpitations and also counseling. I haven't been on meds in about 12 years, things got better for a while, but these past 3 years have been pretty intense as far as anxiety is concerned. I have health anxiety and my job exacerbates it tremendously. I have been looking for a new job for about a year or so with no luck. I am in a job where I am constantly having to interact with people, lead meetings, etc and it is extremely debilitating some days with what it does to my body and mind. My health anxiety is so strong, I spent $300 last week on scans thinking something was wrong and today my TMJ is flared up so bad from clenching that I can't even open my mouth all the way, so there's a new worry. Anyways, I'm sorry, enough about my issues.

Here lately I just feel so exhausted from it all, a deep exhaustion in my soul. I've cried so many tears because of this, I can't remember the last time I felt extremely joyful or overall happy, there is ALWAYS a looming sense of "what if something happens to you" in the back of my mind. Every. Single. Day. I've done CBT counseling which helped a bit, I am strong in my faith and wish I could somehow understand how to release all of this to God..I know he's got me. I want to be a happy person again. One day last week, I was able to surrender it all to God, I had one of the best days ever..some anxiety but it was manageable. And today, I'm sitting here shaking just counting down the hours until I can go home.

I know people have to get sick of me, especially my close family. Anxiety has taken its toll on my marriage and impacts so many areas of my life. I want to throw my hands up and say "I DON'T CARE WHAT HAPPENS"...but I can't..I just sit here waiting for the next heart palpitation or pain to send me into a spiral.

You are right, we have to figure out a way through this. I'm sorry this is so long, I just resonate with your words very strongly. It's good to know I am not alone and I completely sympathize with your struggle because I'm living it too. Take care, friend! And message me anytime. If it is ok with you, I will pray for you.

[Anxietylady in reply to Wildflower13]

Yes you may pray for me, that is something I do daily, it helps me find the strength to get through the days.

[TravisF in reply to Wildflower13]

You hit it on the head when it comes to how I feel. Literally almost exact. I need help. I don’t know if I can get through it alone. I know the panic hurts me the worst. I have so much panic in my body and I’m not good and stopping it. Thank you for sharing your story though!

[Wildflower13 in reply to TravisF]

"Panic in your body", that is a good way to describe it and I know exactly how you feel. I just got back into my office after finishing an hour + meeting and wow. The things anxiety does to our bodies. I had three heart palps and had to excuse myself to the restroom. Just typing that out and re-reading it doesn't do justice to how I felt. Now I don't want to speak with anyone and just want to close my eyes. The feelings of dizziness and overwhelm are high.

What's strange to me is that yesterday was a good day (probably because I didn't have to lead any meetings) but still..it was good and smooth. Anxiety is ALWAYS in forefront of my mind but yesterday it seemed to be in the back of my mind. Still there, still talking at me constantly, but it didn't run the show. And now today..it's so different. My good days at work are few and far between but I am so thankful for them when I do have them.

Please know you are not alone and please message me anytime. I'm always here with a listening ear and I promise, I understand.

[CLB1125]

You’re right about one day at a time. I never know when I get out of bed what will the day will be. It depends on the whether …whether it’ll be a good day or whether it won’t!! 🤭

[Anxietylady in reply to CLB1125]

Yes, it seems the weather has alot to do with moods and anxiety. I guess its just the way our brain reacts. I tend to stay active on rainy days and it helps to keep my mind busy.

[CLB1125 in reply to Anxietylady]

Rainy days kill me physically and mentally. I try to keep busy but it’s hard when you have pain and a husband sitting in the house because it’s raining!

[MindfulMoment]

I have also have panic disorder and GAD. For me, I have to take lexapro. I’ve come off it and I did ok for a while but about 1.5 years later it led to a mental breakdown. I accept that. In fact the greatest tool in my toolbox is acceptance. After reading Dr. Claire Weekes book I am on a journey of acceptance. I went from not being able to leave my home to now being a part of life. I still experience the symptoms of anxiety and I still have days I have to work harder to accept than others. But for the most part I live in peace with anxiety. It no longer dictates to me where I can go, I no longer avoid situations because of anxiety. I no longer live in fear of fear. I view the symptoms as a chemical discharge in my body that while feels awful, I don’t need to give it attention, it is merely a neutral chemical response and requires no further response. Today I consider myself stable. Good days and bad days come and I can now enjoy them all. I still see my therapist once a month to check in and continue to grow.