it’s late, I’m tired

[CLB1125]

it’s been a trying day, yet again. My husband has been his pleasant miserable self. I read a statement to him about people with fibromyalgia have times when comprehending what people are saying is difficult, his response is a grunt of, yeah right. I’m really getting to the point I just want to tell him to F off! It’s just simmering under the surface and I’m afraid it’s going to blow up soon. My niece tells me she’s not going to run to her bf’s house, we make plans for a day in the pool tomorrow. He called and she’s gone. No I’m sorry about our plans, nothing except I’ll drop off a key so you can let the dog out. I look in the mirror and see my stupid self so I wonder why nobody else can see me. I’m here, I have feelings. Why can’t anybody see that? It’s now late and I’m tired but him and his dog are snoring like freight trains. He actually cuddles the fricking dog! I just needed to vent…can someone die from lack of sleep?? I hope so!

[Jennblank7734]

I'm sad to know you are feeling these ways. I did crack a smile over the part of him cuddling the dog hehe. My Genni (Genocide) and Sammy (Samurai) have grown so much and still sleep on top of me or in my arms. I see you and I want you to know I'm always here.

I haven't read that yet about fibromyalgia. I'll have to take a look.

I was in a very abusive marriage. At first I was too scared to say **** you so I'd flip him off. He'd get mad and bend my finger backwards. It still felt good to flip him off.

I'm guessing your neice is younger possibly. Don't let her actions make you feel bad. She is probably all googley eyed over the boyfriend and not thinking enough to be considerate.

I do very much feel for you about the snoring!! Wow, it can drive you mad for sure!

This is something I was taught and do myself. I also had my fiancé doing it. When youre looking in the mirror, say something positive about yourself. After a short time it will help you start to feel that way. What I mean is say something like I like who I am or I am a good person (find something that works for you).

After a certain amount of time you will train your thoughts to feel that way. It also can work for something negative that happened. I had JM say in the mirror that it wasn't his fault. Referring to a past trauma. I'd definitely look it up. Make sure I posted it correctly. It does work tho.

I hope you have a great night and a wonderful morning. It's a bit after 10 here. I might get some ice cream.

Thanks =)

[012703060610]

It has taken me three years for my husband to finally get a grip on my medical conditions, let alone the side effects of being mentally unstable. He KNOWS that I am in daily pain, but still has a lot of resentment. He doesn't understand then that our mind is wired such to almost be afraid of everything. If we speak up, we could get hurt. If we don't speak up, we don't communicate our needs. It always feels like a loop for me. My husband and I had some serious sit downs over the summer on what our plans may be. For our marriage to work, I needed my husband to be in his own therapy. Which he has done for about a year and continues to do and grow. Sometimes I have to coach him a bit around certain things...like his lack of dating experience at age 45. He really never wanted to get married or have kids. Yet he is the step father to my three kids from prior abusive marriage and is doing really well with that. I have to be thankful that he is there for them and at times I tend to miss out on the family fun.....well most of the time. While we struggle, all marriages go through rough patches. I wish your husband and you could switch bodies for a week. Honestly, if we had the ability to do that, think about how much empathy our loved ones would finally have for us. I think until something terrible happens to other people, many don't know how to deal with physical or mental health issues of their loved ones. Yet when the time comes and they need help, how do we respond? I know me and I know I will still show up for people in my limited capacity. For this I take pride.