I don't think mom will let me go

[Against_the_current]

She's trying to drink less (or trick me she's doing it) but i fear if i leave she might go back. I'm so damn tired

[hypercat54]

She will drink as much as she wants to whether you are there or not. So forget it and do what's best for you.

[aWorriedOne]

I am also the child of an alcoholic, though now ex-alcoholic. I also struggled myself for many years. It is a hard pill to swallow, but as someone who has been on both sides, give yourself the space that you need. It's not healthy for you to take the responsibility. It's not your job. Your job is to do the best you can do for yourself.

My father had to make those changes. I had to make those changes when I struggled too. It's not something someone else can make us do.

[SoporRose]

I agree with both hypercat54 and aWorriedOne: your mother's drinking is NOT your responsibility nor your fault, not in any way. I do want to suggest, though, that it seems your mom has been making efforts for some time to do better by you, such as when you came out of the hospital. There are other examples I can't recall at the moment. Her efforts do NOT mean that you should stay with her if going back to your accommodation is what you need or even just want to do, but you might consider telling your mom that you appreciate her efforts to be more sober and that they mean a lot to you. As you know, positive reinforcement can help shape behaviour.

Keep letting us know how you are doing and what you decide.

[aWorriedOne in reply to SoporRose]

Yes! Always compliment good behaviors. Sometimes hearing 'I'm proud of you' can give someone who is recovering the fuel they need to maybe have one less drink that night.

[CLB1125]

I agree with everyone. You need to take care of yourself. Just like you have to do what is best for you, so does your mom. She will never stop drinking if she says she’s doing it for someone else. It has to be what she wants for herself. This is what a therapist told me about my ex’s alcoholism.

[012703060610]

I think most of us probably wish we could change our parents behavior at various stages in our lives. However, we can only be accountable to ourselves. I, too, have had to learn this the hard way over the course of my life. Yes my parents have made some adjustments, but it is on them to make changes.

[bethelbee]

I was going to say what everyone else said.. You are not responsible for nor can you control your mom's drinking. She will drink with you there or not. If you were planning on moving out, do it. That environment is not a healthy one. You are entitled to your own happiness. I speak as a friend of a former alcoholic. I say former because she is no longer with us. Before she passed I had to separate myself from her..

[Kinlay]

I was the child of an alcoholic. I finally had to leave FOR MY OWN SAKE. I couldn't save him, and staying with him was destroying me. And yes, his drinking killed him - but leaving saved me.

You can't save an alcoholic. Only they can, and they have to truly WANT to stop drinking and be willing to take the necessary steps. Ironically, I am now married to an alcoholic. He is on disulfiram for BOTH our sakes. He takes it because he is able to choose to - and because he knows I'll leave if he doesn't.

You need to do what's right for you, and staying in that toxic situation is obviously hurting you. If you haven't already, please talk to someone (doctor, psychiatrist, friend, family member) about what you are going through. It helps!

[fauxartist]

I don't know how old your are as your still living with your mother, but living with an active alcoholic is difficult to impossible. You may feel robbed of a parent who has chosen to drink over loving you, and your angry, disappointed, and bitter over it. Your mother has a disease, it's not her fault, and she is hitting rock bottom it sounds like. But the only thing you have control over is how you choose to deal with this. There is a group for people living with alcoholics called Al-Anon. And another group to help you cope is called ACoA, adult children of alcoholics. Both may help you take your focus and anger off your mother, and help you to get on with your own life and make it the way you want it.