advice

[Diamond99]

hello everyone I have been struggling a lot and feeling anxious about everything my most recent boyfriend broke up with me because of my trauma triggers and got really mean with me and I am feeling really sad and depressed because I just want a good, kind, man who won’t run and who understands my sensitivity and anxiety I just feel like I am being used and it really hurts if anyone has any advice or wouldn’t mind chatting with me let me know what you guys think it’s been tough I have talked with my best friend and therapist and that helps but I am feeling like I will never have a happy ending

[Dani0431]

Hey, I can relate a lot to what you wrote. I have been trying to date since last year and most guys including the one I’m talking to now seem to be overwhelmed by how needy I am. I often feel awful when I’m alone and want desperately for someone to want to spend time with me, even if it’s just sitting with me and doing our own thing, just being in the same house would be nice. I recently moved to a small town without as many connections or even possible connections because there’s less people using apps and stuff to socialize here. I’m doing my best but sites like this really help me feel less alone. Anyway, I was rambling a little bit. I understand your struggle I think because I also have felt used in relationships, mainly for sex. Right now though it’s just that he feels overwhelmed by my constant need to communicate and spend time together. Dating is hard enough but it’s even harder when I’m clingy like this but I can’t help it. I need people in my life to talk to me and let me know that they are willing to be there for me through thick and thin. You know what I mean?

[Sylvain- in reply to Dani0431]

I am certainly not the best reference regarding dating! But I understand your feelings: the loneliness and the need to find someone that understands what you are going through. It is not surprising that some patients fell in love with their therapist:)Joke aside, I am married. But my wife does not always understand my depression. When upset or tired of seeing me languish, she gets mad and tries to "move my ass". But it is vain: it makes me feel even more miserable. I think she doesn't love me anymore. Well, most of the time. Actually, I can not see how someone could love me or simply would be friends with someone like me.

"[I] want desperately for someone to want to spend time with me, even if it’s just sitting with me and doing our own thing"

I often say that—but my wife doesn't understand it: when she or our son are at home, I feel better, even if I am not doing things with them. Their mere presence is recomforting. Sometimes, I see myself like a ghost, peacefully contemplating the life of the living I care for. But I do not feel part of the world of the living.

It is hard to explain, but I think we somehow need care and attention to rebuild what was broken in our minds. It is somewhat childish and awkward for grownups, and maybe we require too much of that attention from our relatives.

[Dani0431 in reply to Sylvain-]

Thanks for this thoughtful reply, I agree that maybe it feels like we need to much from people :/ I feel this way a lot but I hope we can find people who don’t mind us being needy. It’s been so hard for me to find friends and a relationship but I hope that one day I will have people who can put up with me around me. I hope that you find the courage to be needy and not feel bad about it because I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.

[Sylvain- in reply to Dani0431]

🙏

[Diamond99 in reply to Sylvain-]

so true I agree with you on that it’s hard if people around you don’t struggle with mental health issues because they tend to think we are lazy or just can’t do anything right being around people helps that especially if you are alone a lot it’s nice to meet I am so sorry your wife doesn’t understand have you thought about sitting down and talking with her and seeing how she’s feeling so you guys can work together to figure it out or do you think it’s just too much

[Toddzen]

Relationships are difficult when you have Depression. My experience was no partner had any compassion for my situation. People are generally self centered and lack empathy. But there may be a great person out there for you that is kind and loving.

[catsrock]

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. The thing that came to mind for me is that you have to love yourself before you can be in a healthy relationship. Have you tried tapping? It helps me a lot and there are a lot of free tapping meditations at this link: thetappingsolution.com/ Some of the meditations cost $, but I just do the free ones. Relationships are very hard so I totally relate to what you're struggling with. Sending lots of hugs.

[Wakeboarder24]

The person you deserve will be able to stay after your trauma plays out.