nothing is worth it to me

[Gurbfeld]

No amount of self-improvement can ever truly fix me or make all the fuck ups and missed opportunities ok. I’m literally flawed and repellent at my very core and fundamentally incapable of being charismatic or competent in conversation.

16 year old Nathan didn’t have to do all of these ridiculously complex improvement exercises to get a date with the cute girl in his math class. He didn’t have to wake up at 6 to exercise, meticulously catalogue his thoughts and gratitudes in his wellness journal, spend hours watching guides on making and maintaining conversation and applying them, spend hours of self care making himself look attractive, or spend years of his life totally reshaping and reinventing his life. He just did it naturally. He is better than me, intrinsically and inherently superior to me. He is a winner and a champ and he literally towers over me and my life. The overwhelming majority of people can achieve social success totally naturally in their youth just by being themselves.

People who are more attractive than me are better than me, people who have social lives and SO’s are better than me, people who have more experience are better than me, people who are more talented and successful are better than me, people who are having the time of their lives at college parties and social gatherings are better than me, people who are boundlessly charismatic and interesting are better than me, people who regularly have romantic and sexual encounters are better than me, the average social teenager is better than me. What reason could there possibly be to ever try to gaslight myself into thinking I deserve success or love when there are countless guys my age and younger than me who are miles and miles better than me and more desirable for relationships.(youtube.com/@penguinz0?si=E... for example).

I’m dirt and scum who has no friends or talents of any kind. I’ve done nothing with myself and am barely scratching by desperately searching for a reason to keep going while 22 year old Justin is living the time of his life at a college party and hooking up. I’m literally an active drain on emotion, joy, and resources keeping me alive. I’m starting to plan out my way out and how to handle it (donating all my money to charity and making an active plan to end my life) cause I genuinely have zero hope for my life ever getting better. It’s too late, I’m too inexperienced and incompetent to ever find love or friendship and I have nothing else to live for. I’m not going to be around much longer, and I want to be able to just pass on into peace and never have to worry about anything else anymore.

[leaningonjesus]

whats one talent/ gift you have?

and dont say nothing, cuz we are all unique and have some sort of gift or talent. Even one thing

So im curious- what have you found that youre good at , or has helped someone else in some way, or that you enjoy?

[Gurbfeld in reply to leaningonjesus]

I don’t know. The closest thing I have that’s appealing to people is cooking. And that isn’t even as good as I would want it to be, because I have to be masterful at something to be worthy of love and friendship. How could I be secure in that ability when there is someone younger than me or my age who’s already better at it than me. Nobody wants anyone who’s short of perfection, isn’t successful 24/7 or who doesn’t meet all their standards and preferences. I’m supposed to have met certain social/relationship milestones by now and the fact that I haven’t is a massive red flag for most people. There are countless guys who are FAR more attractive, talented, funny, interesting, intelligent, charismatic, and experienced than I can ever hope to be, why would anyone settle for anything less than that?

[WilliamG]

You seem to be very good at writing and expressing yourself. That’s a fantastic thing to have!

[Hidden]

Hey dude Im a 27 year old virgin. You are better than me. You still have like 8 years of high level of testostorone left and sex isn't the most important thing. I am trying to learn how to be happy without having to achieve all these things. We are all complete individuals regardless of achievements. Does that mean we don't want to achieve? Absolutely not, but whether I achieve things are not doesn't make a difference in be being able to sit on a couch without doing anything and being okay with myself. I have yet to learn the skill but after quitting drinking and smoking weed a few weeks ago I have gotten slightly better at it even though every moment of my life feels like hell. If you have a moment I think you will really resonate with this human more than I ever will be able to. Hoping your suffering goes down and you keep breathing. Im wishing you that with every cell in my body at this moment.

youtube.com/watch?v=3amX-jV...(Not working as expected?)