It's okay not to be okay

[katelinaune395]

"I'm okay", "I'm fine" or "You don't need to worry about me". Those are phrases often used as a cry for help. In our darkest times we just want someone to notice, we may not talk about it but we hope someone notices. There have been times where I have told someone I was fine and all I wanted was them to reach out and hug me...... because truly I am not. We need to pay attention to those we care about, check in and notice when things are different so we are able to be there in those times when they need that shoulder to cry on or that warm embrace. The human mind can be a dark and scary place. It can be lonely and harbor thoughts those don't want to talk about with the fear of being judged. We put on this "mask" everyday and play pretend like we are happy and fine when on the inside we feel like we are breaking into a thousand pieces. I myself feel like a burden when I express how I feel to others, I feel as if they have enough of their own to deal with that why should I put my feelings onto them as well. I have learned that I NEED to tell someone, I NEED to let someone know how I feel, you have to talk about how you feel or it will eat you alive. If the people you choose to tell can't "take" or "handle" your feelings and emotions then they truly aren't the ones that you need to be there to support you and hold you up when you fall. What we have to understand is we can't live and survive in this world alone, we just can't as strong as we want to be we can't do it alone. You can only wear the "mask" for so long before it starts to slip off and your cover is blown. It gets exhausting and can be overwhelming trying to handle it all alone when you don't have to. I know I am enough in the world I know I am, my mind sometimes likes to tell me differently at times. I am beautiful, but my mind likes to tell me differently at times. I am capable, but my mind likes to tell me differently at times. I have a purpose in the world but yet again my mind likes to tell me differently at times. It's okay not to be okay.

[012703060610]

This is a beautiful and well written post. It certainly IS ok to be not be ok. I too find myself just saying I'm doing ok. I don't have a supportive family so not much else to tell them. However, it took me awhile to finally open up my whole mind to my husband. He was a little afraid at first, but it has made us stronger. He has a better understanding of certain moods I may be in (both mental/physical issues). Your reference to a mask is spot on. We all wear one to some degree just to manage our own headspace. If you can break that barrier, and have a good support system, it's great. However, I think many of us lack even a single person as their go to. My family truly believes mental health is not real. OYE!

[katelinaune395 in reply to 012703060610]

Thank you, I am glad that you have your husband, we all need someone who wants to understand us and wants to help us be better. I think deep down inside my family feels the same. They don't say it but I believe they feel the same, in their generation it didn't exist. Problems were faced head on and if you struggled you struggled that was the end of it. So many people don't understand that its so much deeper than the surface and so many people struggle in silence, when they don't have to.

[Darkhouse]

That's part of mindfulness, acknowledging where you are in time without judging it. It takes time for the brain to relearn how to think that way, but w practices like yoga and meditation, new circuits in the brain can be formed. I read an article on meditation that was saying that the brain is like a highway system. If you always use the same roads, ie anxiety, depression, those roads get the most funding and are the nicest. When you start meditation, a little dirt road forms in your brain of peace, and the more you practice the more "funding" that road system gets and the brain can be rewired to think in a calm and less depressed way. I like that analogy. I've found that a lot of life is "faking it until you make it"... I put on the mask, and sometimes, not always, but sometimes, I do feel better. Depression is a thief that wants to steal our joy and purpose and isn't going to be happy until we are in bed, alone and sad. Sometimes forcing a new environment, going outside on a sunny day, having lunch w a family member, it trips up depression enough to shake out some joy in the moment. Yes, the older generation sees mental illness as a failing of character rather than an illness. They believe you should be able to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" which is ridiculous because it's an illness. You wouldn't say that to someone w diabetes or cancer, so why would you w someone w depression? But, it's a generational issue, unfortunately....

[Weatherwoman]

WOW --I could not have said it better than the person who wrote the first post, and all the replies thereafter. "To prepare a face to meet the faces that we meet!" (I didn't write that, but often think of that line)! I am nearly in that generation (baby boomers) brought up by the "Greatest Generation" and they & we just "sucked it up" with our Anxiety & Depression. In fact, I did not get proper help for my Panics, OCD, GAD, etc. till later in life & suffered more than I would have had I been born in later times. But, I see that there are still Way too many people hiding behind their "masks" saying, I'm fine, I'm okay not wanting to be a "burden" on their friends, family. No wonder we may feel So alone. Glad for this HealthUnlocked where we can say what we really feel.

[Agora1 in reply to Weatherwoman]

xx

[katelinaune395 in reply to Weatherwoman]

I am so grateful to have found this platform so I don't feel so alone in my journey! You have a friend in me!

[Weatherwoman in reply to katelinaune395]

Thank you --This is such a helpful place with much support.

[Myheartisblack]

I can relate to this very much. I don't understand why our mind works sgainst our betterment. I've heard it's our survival mechanism, which doesn't help us to thrive, but it's like our mind is being hijacked because the threats we perceive aren't always visible to us. But I think our minds are accurately telling us that this world ain't right. We were never meant to be living these highly individualistic lives. We were meant to be supported by our communities. That doesn't exist in much of the modern world these days, imo.

[katelinaune395 in reply to Myheartisblack]

I agree! Support is huge and better in number! But unfortunately it does not exist in the world these days but I would love to see that change!

[Myheartisblack in reply to katelinaune395]

Me too!!

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Asking for help is not one of my best skills. I want the world to see me as an independent person who can take care of herself. I also have this idea that if it’s going to get done right, I have to do it myself. This defiant individuality can be dangerous to my mental health.

To counteract these traits I have to work at being vulnerable and authentic. Both of which are scary places.

Masks do eventually slip. So I try not to wear one. What you see is what you get.

[Weatherwoman in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Well said! I have the same problem, too, re. asking for help from family & friends. I don't want to BOTHER anyone. However, I do need help especially now that I am quite alone after losing my Sig. Other last Nov. I wait for family, or friends to offer help to me, and that can be a long wait! While my family & friends do call/text they seem not to want to hear too much re. my loss. I find Help with my Grief Counselor, Grief Support Group, and books, and on this HU support place. Suffer from Anxiety Disorder for many years & find help & support on HU, too! Thankful for this place.