Could this Professional Development be Triggering?

[Olinick]

This morning when I got to work and checked my emails I discovered that the professional development 1/2 day this coming Wednesday is going to be a training in how to deal with kids who self harm and have suicidal thoughts/plans. I have a history of self harm but haven't cut myself in almost a year. The start of this school year was very difficult for me with students in my school self harming and wanting to commit suicide despite their young ages (9 to 12 year olds) and I frequently thought about cutting myself but I fought the urge. Now I am faced with this training on Wednesday. Does anyone have any tips I can use to help me get through this training and the remainder of the week? I am already back to thinking about cutting myself but haven't done anything. I have a new counselor and he gave me his number to call if I have any problems. I guess this counts. I will call him tomorrow first chance I get but not sure if I will connect with him in time. No one at work knows of my past or my mental health issues and diagnosis. I have PTSD, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, depression and ADD.

[Darkhouse]

I found an article w several tips and tricks listed for you to try medicalnewstoday.com/articl.... I use breathing techniques. I use the 4 square technique. I breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, breathe in for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4, repeat until better. I tap it out on my hand for further grounding. The article also recommends using another sensation, like running ice over the area that you would cut. I'd never thought of that. It has some good ideas. I'm so sorry that our kiddos are hurting so much. It must be a very helpless feeling for you to see them dealing w so much pain. I hope that your new counselor can help you deal w this pain, give you an outlet for it.....

[Olinick in reply to Darkhouse]

Thank you for your suggestions. I will also look at the article. I just learned about the square breathing. I will try that. What is nice with things like that is no one will know what I am doing and why. I also massage chest, just under the neck. That can help to calm me and ground me more. My old counselor told me to hold an ice cube in my hand. It will help you to fight the urge to self harm. I guess holding the ice will cause you pain as you hold it but it doesn't cause you any injury. I don't tend to have ice cubes in my freezer so I never did it.

[Darkhouse in reply to Olinick]

No ice, that's funny. It also suggests drawing on the skin w a red pen, using a rubber band, or clapping your feet loudly or stomping your feet. Those last two may be kinda obvious, lol... The article is pretty good. Why the urge hits in the first place, all of that... I really like the 4 square breathing because it's easy to remember and easy to do. W other techniques, I've felt like I was going to hyperventilate, but w the built-in "holds" it evens out the breath. I use it for panic attacks as well...

[Olinick in reply to Darkhouse]

I just read through the article. It was very good. I have never read anything about why I do it. So much of what they said is true. It explains why I keep getting the urge to do it which is why I am afraid of going to this training on Wednesday. I feel so good when I do it but later on I am ashamed that I did it. One thing that does keep me from doing it is not wanting anyone to see the cuts on my body. I really appreciate your suggestions and really liked the article. I even bookmarked the article so I can look at it again later. Thanks so much for your help.