Living with your sexual abuser

[Qeli]

Could anyone here relate..?

[fauxartist]

Yes.... I can. But it's one thing I don't want to talk about openly here, as it's too much of a trigger. I am open and honest about most stuff, but some reality is just too much for open discussion.... I recently shared just one shocking moment in my life... that was enough for a lifetime. With that said... I've done extensive therapy to deal with this mental injury, and have been able to move past the guilt, shame, blame, anger, and confusion about the whole thing.

I hope your safe and are getting some help... no one should have to live with this.

[Qeli in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a reply, and thank you even more for your courage. I understand. I have just recently read in some book or another that the more you talk about it, the more casual it becomes. Like it doesn't weigh so heavy anymore, or that was what the author conveyed. But try bringing the subject out to discussion and you're granted to receive negative feedback for sharing such disturbing aspects of life. Sure you've been there. It's always been my secret, but I'm trying to break secrecy in hopes it could somehow help. Now that I'm a grown woman fully aware of what happened but still living with one of the people who assaulted me as a child it feels like too much at times. Don't want to say anything triggering.

I hope therapy has helped you. The most open minded psychiatrist I met gaped at me the whole session, every session, made me uncomfortable crying, diagnosed me with GAD because I'm not as much of a mess as those "mental cases." The one before told me to go ahead and kill myself and three years later told me the same thing and justified it saying if you really wanted to you would've done it right away before seeking help.

I'm sorry if that was too much sharing on my part. I am so sorry you had to go through this. I hope you're doing much better. Thank you again for taking the time

[fauxartist in reply to Qeli]

You have had two of the most unprofessional therapists who should lose their license. In the future... I would interview them first and make sure they are qualified to deal with incest, or abuse. Therapists are just people too... and everyone is different. But there are certain guidelines and boundaries you don't cross, and if you don't think you can adequately help your client with their set of issues... then as a professional you should refer them to another therapist who would be better suited. I am very sorry that happened, but there are good therapists, absolutely, and it's kind of hit-and-miss for a bit finding a good fit, but the long term benefit is priceless.

Your right about talking about stuff... the more you share, the more power it takes out of the pain of sharing, and that is healing, unpacking all that stuff alone though can be pretty overwhelming, and still being in a situation with your abuser... unimaginable. You have to give yourself credit for being able to survive and do that. I walked away from my abuser almost 16 years ago, and never looked back. The liberation of losing that baggage was amazing. But then a lot more in depth work needed to be done... it's a life long process.

I'm glad your sharing here...

[Qeli in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you. I'm glad for you, and I hope I can make it out someday too.

The hit-and-miss chances with therapists, as well as it is with professionals in general, aren't the only thing at play here. I've heard of therapists reporting their patients or blackmailing them into sex since it's a criminal offense for an unwed woman to be found a nonvirgin. I've heard of therapists locking patients up indefinetly because saying something like that proves how delusional they must be. Heard of therapists kicking patients out the clinic for being too unmodest. You see, my therapists weren't really the worst of the worst compared to local standards. I've learned not to risk it.

Thank you again. If it isn't too egoistic, it feels good not to feel so alone. Thank you.

[fauxartist in reply to Qeli]

May I ask what country you live in, it sounds like your socially restricted to begin with, and in that case, a therapist may not be safe for you.

[Qeli in reply to fauxartist]

A miserable country in Africa called Egypt. And don't I know it? Everything gets too overwhelming at times. Like now. Anyway. Thank you for everything. Hope you're having it better.

[fauxartist in reply to Qeli]

Your safe here, and if you get any crap, you can report them to HU and admin. I'm glad your sharing...

[EndUser13]

Yes. I suppress the memories and crap all the time because society has taught me that straight white men are evil and men don't suffer from sexual abuse. Nah, I'm not bitter... lol

[fauxartist in reply to EndUser13]

The Child Molestation Research & Prevention Institute notes that 90% of child molesters target children in their network of family and friends, and the majority are men married to women.

[Qeli in reply to EndUser13]

I am so sorry, EndUser13. I know it must have been hard on you as it is on me, if not more. I have considered going into trans therapy and surgeries because men are emotionally stronger and more capable of handling themselves. Guess I was faking it till I make it. Not to over-simplify transsexuality, but I didn't mind losing what makes me a certain sex if it brought some peace of mind.

Our experiences might be different but there are books on the subject, and I have read tons of them in hopes some book held the answer. The authors always assure that they have helped people get over their past; some authors have even lived this same experience and made it out. I haven't figured out how yet, but maybe this is what the next read holds for me.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, and I sincerely hope you're faring well.

[fauxartist]

Many men suffer in silence from their abuse as kids and as men who have been sexually assaulted. The taboo and stigma of; 'this doesn't happen to guys, and if it did they must have been wimps'.... A lot of victim blaming pertains to male on male assaults. And Incest is the biggest of all taboo subjects. So guys just don't report it. And it's usually not believed or dismissed, as with many women's cases are as well.

Child sexual abuse statistics about the abuser include:

Most sexual abusers are male, whether the victim is female or male

Women are the abusers in about 14% of cases against males and in about 6% of the cases against females

Sexual abusers are aggressive, with up to 50% using some force against their victim

About 30% of abusers are family members

About 25% of abusers are adolescents

About 40% of non-incest abusers reoffend