Just want to feel connected

[little_dreamer]

Hi guys, so today I signed up here after waking up with anxiety in my chest in stomach. I've been waking up like this for the last couple of weeks and it feels very intense. I don't know what triggers it exactly but it makes me feel uncomfortable.

I've also been feeling triggered a lot. I came to realize it has mostly to do with feeling inadequate- I'm not important. This manifests itself in anger and that's one of the emotions I have the hardest time with. I think because being angry or frustrated makes me less desirable, which means a great risk of people leaving me.

The latter mainly manifests itself in my romantic relationship. I've been dating this amazing guy for two months now and things go well. I know he's fond of me and serious about us, yet my mind is always looking for signs of rejection - an example is I worry when he doesn't text back as fast, but actually I generally worry. My mind seems so black and white- connection vs rejection.

Anyway, I was hoping to hear if you can relate to this and how you deal with it. Maybe even some advice? I love how open people are on here and a supportive community. Much love!

[Afibflipper]

hello , welcome to the site and it’s members

I totally understand why you’re doing this but, you do need to try to stop it - some people jtt it st aren’t beholden to the demands of social media - to prove a point of why - you feel anxious because he’s not instantly available to start with. It could be he’s in the middle of a work call and can’t answer right now, you may be making him anxious that you’re just 2 months into a relationship and want instant answered

Your theory of Connection vs Rejection may be a self fulfilling prophecy brought about by demanding connection may beget rejection (I don’t wish to sound I’m blaming you I’m not, I just think early says relationship you could be giving the impression you need to control, do it too much and you may suffocate him to a point he may back off,

Try to relax, enjoy this new guy and let things progress without pushing

Maybe you need to find something to occupy you more when you need to fill the void with him find something else.

I wish you luck in this relationship hope it goes well for you xx

[little_dreamer in reply to Afibflipper]

Thank you so much for your reply, I appreciate it The thing is that I purposely try to not be that way just because of the exact thing you mention in your message- believing that coming off that way won't be good. Maybe that thought enhances the anxious feeling? I'll take your advice to take it easy and enjoy it

[Afibflipper in reply to little_dreamer]

The awful thing about mobile phones and social media is that because of the ability to make contact instantly people think they should have that instant return reply also.

Say take what’sapp, we send a message, you see 2 ticks and think ok they got it ( but then comes stress when those ticks don’t go blue. So anxiety raises, you keep checking the phone then yes they go blue - he’s read it - you wait and wait for an answer, but no thing comes - your rejection as you see it turns to setting up scenarios as to why it may be ha has t called - often aim at your self that it’s your fault!

He may well be quite besotted with you, and maybe he just doesn’t want to appear over eager and feel heel scare you off!

If it’s a work day throw yourself into it, go to lunch with colleagues, think of how you can replace this void (tell your cat or dog or pick up a hobby you can talk about to him (something that might peak his interstellar and learn together

I’m probably just an old stick in the mud whos been where you are now and empathise and sympathise because it is tough - try not to drink caffiene drinks as this raises the heart rate and thus raises anxiety-good luck 🍀 x