Living in a world of Hell and Heaven at the same time 😵

[God-sFavourite]

I'm a kind of a person who really believes in the saying that, "Whatever happens, happens for good. " There are times when I really get fed up but then I tend to make myself realise the above saying when I cool down. But... I too, am a human. Staying positive and cool in every aspect isn't possible for me especially when same kind of pebbles and stones are thrown at me from different angles every other day.

I too feel bad. I too feel hopeless. There are times when I feel that I have everything yet my hands are empty. There is helplessness inside my body and my soul. I feel like crying out loud, banging my head on the wall. The pain inside of me is unbearable sometimes. I want to tear myself apart.

But I can't!

Especially in front of people who cause it.

And except them, there is not anybody.

I haven't made myself dependant on anybody emotionally because I know nobody cares. I have, earlier, not completely but a little though and as expected I'm still mocked and put down whenever the other person feels like they aren't winning against me.

I'm expected to be considerate towards everyone but when I expect that and sometimes demand that, how am I asking too much? Is it something that I don't deserve?

Sometimes I feel like I should leave everyone, breaking all my ties and start a new but again, I can't as I will be blamed for using them financially, when I needed them (which they still say though 😂).

[God-sFavourite]

Merry Christmas to you too 🎄