I’m a 26 year old from the UK and every since I can remember I have been struggling with low self esteem and the questions we all want answered in life, who am I, how do I fit in etc…
I think the uncertainty of self stems from being closer to my mum, who sheltered me too much. Dad was emotionally withdrawn. That was painful and still is to some degree even though I’ve been through healing etc with that. Anywho, I now feel like I don’t know how to develop friendships properly. I’m in a relationship but feel like I’m not enough or it’s not enough… I find it hard to know how I’m feeling. Just writing this is giving me a chance to figure it out. I don’t feel like I can open up to my friends because I’m scared they won’t understand just how deep it goes. I’m from a working class family and perform for a living, they’re middle class and have had brilliant upbringings. I’m a professional in Musical Theatre and I think as a coping mechanism, used to just sing to balance myself and help with all of the problems in the household, shouting, fighting etc. I was and am quite a shy person but I think growing up in a household that is the opposite to what life should be like, it was hard to develop in the way I naturally wanted to, which is why I think singing made me feel safer and helped me to withdraw. As a result I feel I didn’t develop emotionally or socially and have been withdrawn my whole life. Even when people who know me would say I’m very social, I usually use comedy to fit in, and because I’ve done that since I remember and is something I’m not sure how to let go of in order to start developing better social and emotional skills. I’m also hung up about the fact that I don’t know who I am at the core… there’s Science, there’s Physics, there’s Metaphysics, there’s religion, spirituality and the like, but I’ve been through many religious texts and follow the work of Deepak Chopra, Abraham hicks, Ekhart Tolle etc and although they help, I can’t seem to let go of the fact I don’t know and want to know where I fit in. I know this sounds selfish but I just want to know how I can begin to find confidence in who and what I am so that I can begin enjoying my life and can take it all a little less serious. Any advice you guys could give would be helpful… or similar experiences, please jump in. Appreciate it.
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If you ever get that "life is not worth living" feeling again, do what I do: move to a different room or place and take up a new activity. It works for me! I am the first of five sons and one one of my 4 younger brothers (4 years younger than I) suffered from depression for 20+ years and killed himself in his home 2 weeks before Christmas last year. I am now recovered from Cancer but could not travel for 4 years. I regret (so much) that I couldn't have been there to share those thoughts with him..... God bless!😅🤕
God rest his soul. Thank you for your advice. I always appreciate an older persons feedback. I’d like to be better prepared for this road ahead of me. My dad wasn’t able to teach me much, which I don’t hold against him. He is a good man, just had a very traumatic upbringing. Unfortunately that means it trickles down in to us. Me and my two brothers all cope in our own way, but I’m too scared to talk about it with them because I’m scared it’ll feel too real. Those are the people that should be close to me and they’re not. In these two messages i have felt more understood than I have in my whole adult life, however short it’s been so far.
Appreciate it and hope to continue the conversation.
Appreciate the sharings in this section, for I do relate totally and sought happiness, peace and freedom from drugs, relationships, Harley Davidson's, having a child, etc....all in the external world...all outside of who I believed I was. Who did I believe I was or am at that time, and sometimes even today. I believed my true nature or true Self to be my body and mind, i.e., body-mind, also called ego-mind. In believing this from the way that I was raised, then everything encountered in life was filtered through this ego body-mind apparatus, which had been conditioned through habitual patterns that had at its base...I'm unworthy, less than or better than, undeserving, fear success and failure, fear people better than me, etc. So my choices in life were made through this filter or prism, which felt like a prison.Got clean in NA and through the 12 Steps, ultimately began evolving as a guy who found love and began the process of learning how to love myself.
I could write all day about this, but I began seriously asking the question, "Who am I" and Who is God really?" Oh, I suppose I tinkered with the notion of everyone being spirit that was infinite and eternal, but the talk was that we were all separate spiritual beings leading separate lives. No traditional religions in the US could show me how to identify with my spiritual beingness....if it's eternal, then I should be able to realize it now. Then the Sage, Bhagavan Ramana Maharshi appeared in my life through AHAM in Asheboro, NC in which I began using a Self-Inquiry process to discover my true Self, which when easily discovered felt better than any drug I ever took, and it felt so natural and complete, there was no further question about it being the true Self. Actually, find AHAM on the web, and if you like, you can participate in their free meditations on how to discover the Self. TAKE NOTE: the mind might try to dissuade from calling and participating in their conscious programs, ask for Stan and tell whoever answers that Ed said to ask for him. I studied with a living spiritual teacher at AHAM, and went to our ashram in South India to the holy mountain, Arunachala.
One's true Self has nothing to do with the mind...in fact, it is beyond words but it is real and I realized that I had been searching for this feeling practically all of my life, and I was led full circle back to myself. I was already what I had been seeking. There is no feeling of fear, unworthiness, being less than, depression, anxiety, etc. when abiding in the Silence and Stillness of one's own Being. I am blessed and grateful to share this with you. How do you break this insane identification with the body-mind as being who YOU really are....find out who you really are...awaken from the ignorance that we all have been raised to believe....and be happy!
It would be brilliant. I think it would open up things in ways I couldn’t imagine. I just hope to have good people to offer guidance along the way. I’m thankful to have these forums for that reason. I’m looking for that balance and to accept myself.
Suppose you could imagine what ways your life would open up, what would some of those ways be? How would they help you to find balance and acceptance of yourself?
I read your message also. I use to have similar questions about life also. I like the information presented by the people you mentioned. I believe some of them talk about being present, in the moment (not focused on a moment ago or a minute forward).
From what you said , you appear to feel lost in life and not comfortable opening up to others. I have heard it said, if one does not love self, it is hard to love others.
How are you with self-care- eating, sleeping, exercise, and spiritually ? I know I need to work on this.
I’m trying to be more present but that presents me with all the things I worry might be true, and so far they haven’t been. Some good news… I worry that I’m a bit of a weirdo. Sharing emotions as a man doesn’t exactly feel accepted around my family, and for some reason I feel shame. I’m starting to learn to open up to my girlfriend and I’m seeing that she is really good for me, I’d like to be better for her and for myself and wish I had wiser people to bounce these thoughts off of. I have a morning routine but I’m not always consistent. I don’t go to the gym at the moment or exercise but I’m trying to socialise more and meditate. Im still confused as to who god might be to me… the conflict is that I’m questioning these things at 26… I don’t know, is that too old? I feel it’s as science presents it… or as close to. Should I have been realising this sooner?
Thank you for taking the time to reply here. This is a safe place for you to bounce ideas and thoughts off of others. As you probably know, there is no “age guidebook” saying certain questions are asked by specific ages.
As for questions about who God is and does He exist, and who God is with relation to oneself, can happen at any age, including 55+. Being 26 and having questions is not a problem. It sounds like it is part of your life journey.
I am glad your girlfriend is understanding. That must be very helpful. Would you like to know one more mindful techniques to help with being fully present, even if for 1 or more minutes?
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