Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its strength.
Feeling so heavy right now, feeling great pressure on chest. I am feeling like just in few minutes this pain leads to heart attack andā¦ and Iāll be free from all this pain. But I know it wonāt happen not because it canāt happen but because I canāt be get rid of my suffering so easily, Iāve to bear more. I understand and agree that words do make impact on our thinking and even to our body but this all is hypothetical, whereas in practicality I donāt believe this really works because if itās that easy then more than half of problems would be vanished.Anyways, right now Iām fed up of being on this roller coaster ride of mood swings, feeling low at one moment and then feel so high in mood other moment, funny part is I have no clue for both of times.
Right now I am feeling everything is useless, so fake no reality just everything is like a useless fake dream Iām living inā¦ā¦ oh wait a minute what I just said Iām living inā¦ I think itās more like Iām just trying to breathe in it and even doing that is very exhausting. This whole drama of living is exhausting, this feeling of sinking heart is ridiculousā¦ this pain in chest or heart Iām always confused withā¦ but whatever it is, itās very painful more painful because I canāt describe it in words why it is hurtingā¦.. whatās this pain for, its very very very unbearable but Iām still bearing it since lastā¦..??? how many years donāt remember. How to get rid of itā¦.. sedatives/ sedation helps in numbing brain or mind or head whatever it isšššššš but these medicines donāt help in numbing this heart or chest pain. The moment you wake up this comes back, itās so annoying actually annoying is a very small and non- justifying word but I donāt remember any other word for it. The only solution comes to my mind is I should END myselfā¦ā¦ but I canāt even do that my 12 years old son needs me, or may be Iām coward to do soš¤š¤ because kids who lost their mothers naturally even they survive and their upbringing being doneā¦ ā ā but may be I dont want to/ or have enough courage to give him difficult childhood afterall whatās his fault??
Ohhh God, what should I do, trust me I really want to come out of all this once and for all.
I try to pen down my thoughts and try to share my writings too, but again then get anxious Is it right to share negativity?? I have bunch of friends who are family now, theyāre part of my life since last 20-25 years who always stand by my side in all thick and thin of life, but now Iām started feeling or better say Iām starting doubting myself that Am I using them a lot, Iām afraid of losing themā¦
Iām taking medical help, help of psychologist ā¦ they are helping, specially my psychologist she is helping me to unwrap the deep hidden feeling, help me to confront my self my own self. But still Iām stuck in this whole unending (atleast this what I think at this moment) drama. Sometimes, I wonder what will actually help to come out of this. few said read/ listen positive motivational books, speakers. Do meditation, go for a walk ,do light exercise if nothing atleast do light yoga, breathing exercise. I understand it may help, and it requires constant and continous practise but but believe me I most ,actually most of The times not even able to gather energy, put myself together to have shower or to cook Something to eatā¦ā¦.enough for now pratyaya Singh #Anxiety #anxietypain #helplessness #irritation #feeling low #hopelessness #Struggleto live