need advise

[blablah1]

I have a friend who doesn’t want to live anymore, he/she doesn’t want to get professional help, how can I intervene?

[Blueruth]

So sorry. That must feel so helpless

You have to get them to get help. They are an adult so they can make their own decisions. That’s why you have to try to get *them to get the help. If you feel like they could do something you should then call 911. it is better if they go on their own. Don’t try to fix it or be a therapist. That will put you in a mentally unhealthy position and probably wont achieve what you hope.

[blablah1 in reply to Blueruth]

Thank you for your reply! I would definitely do it, but he/she is totally against seeing any therapists or doctors, and there is a language barrier as he/she doesn’t speak English

[Blueruth in reply to blablah1]

That is why you are left with watching for signs that they may hurt themselves or someone else. If they get to that point you need to call 911. It is a hard thing to do but the alternative is worse. Could be cultural too. Lots of cultures discouraged treatment.

[Catscatsy]

First of all, make plans with them, so maybe they'll have something to look forward to.

[Isinatra]

I had a schizophrenic neighbor who went to the same clinic as i for treatment. She told me she was going to kill herself, so I called the clinic and they called the police. The police came to me first and asked if I thought she was serious. I said…I’m not a psychiatrist so I can’t give a diagnosis. You determine that.

Better safe than sorry and she was pissed at me for a long time. She was just having a bad day that day, but you have to take the words of suicide seriously. She eventually got unpissed at me.

[fauxartist in reply to Isinatra]

You did the right thing.... if they had killed themselves... often we take on guilt if we had ignored the person and didn't take them seriously. It's their choice and their decision to commit suicide. And there is nothing you can do to help them, like you said ... you're not a psychiatrist. The only thing you can do is what you did. You are not qualified to do any kind of intervention, and you can't fix them, and they know all the hotline numbers which are usually too busy anyway. When you yourself suffer from anxiety and depression, you're just not in a good place to emotionally be there for them without possibly causing yourself harm, nor are you qualified to do so.

[Isinatra in reply to fauxartist]

Spot on, faux. A very close friend, active alcoholic, told her husband as she sat down next to him, that she would be dead in 10 minutes. He ignored her and she passed from a combination of alcohol and an overdose of drugs. I don’t care how many times a person cries wolf, the next time might be the one. The husband didn’t use drugs or alcohol, he was sober as a judge.

[fauxartist in reply to Isinatra]

That's often the problem, the partner has heard them cry wolf so many times they ignore it...also if the partner doesn't drink or have a substance abuse issue, they are called 'Normies'...then they usually really have no understanding at all and often switch off from it.

[Midori]

Could be genuine; could be a pity ploy. Only you are likely to know by previous experience with this person.

My husband eventually suicided, but it was his 3rd try and he arranged it that there was a meeting planned which he was supposed to attend and which would trigger an alarm if he wasn't there. He always left a window of time so he could be found and hospitalised.

Unfortunately he left it too late, and by the time I got the police to the house and find him, he had already passed.

He was doing his utmost to get me and the children back under his thumb.

Your friend must admit to needing help, only then can you help them.

Cheers, Midori

[cbgrace1980]

I think being present with your friend is very important. Let them know how valuable they are, or just sit with them and be in their life. If you feel like they've made a plan, try to intervene and you might have to call 911 after all.