Therapy

[Therapist104]

Does Therapy help any of y'all? Or do you just feel like they think you're a dollar sign, like me?

[Hb2003]

Therapy has helped me a lot ☺️ I have been doing it since middle school

[Therapist104 in reply to Hb2003]

That's good. Your Therapist must be really good.

[Hb2003 in reply to Therapist104]

Yep shes very good ☺️ i got a new one and shes amazing

[Therapist104]

That's good!

[Therapist104]

I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for your support!

[NeuroSeeker]

I think I'd be dead without my therapist.

[Therapist104]

Hmm... well don't die!

[Blueruth]

Yes I put effort into it. The therapist cannot do it alone. And actually I am now doing physical therapy just like I would mental therapy. It is an evolution.

[RemySue in reply to Blueruth]

It is a lot of work!

[Blueruth in reply to RemySue]

Aren’t you worth it?

[Zyxx]

You are NOT a dollar sign to them. To be sure, there are probably people in that profession who solely do it for the money. But hey, you can earn money in many ways, and being a therapist isn’t known as the quickest way to get rich. People generally go into that profession because they want to help others.

That said, that doesn’t mean they’re all great - that’s true of humans in general. A bigger problem than people becoming therapists for the money (as I say, I don’t think that’s very common) is people going into it because they had some psychological issues, themselves, and then not being very good at helping others because those issues stand in their way,

In general it’s a good thing that people with more empathy than average and who have maybe had some psychological challenges, themselves, go into the profession. It makes them more open to understanding us. But many people who have been damaged in childhood should not become therapists unless they’ve been thoroughly cleansed of residual stuff that might make them damaging for their patients.

I’ve run into such people now and then. While going into this business for the money is not a very likely motivation at all (granted, once someone is in the profession they might get burned out and start caring more about the money than helping people), going into it for the sense of power and the hope of respect and perhaps adulation from patients is far more likely. There are plenty of insecure therapists out there, easily offended, not brooking contradiction, unable to truly care about another person.

These should be avoided.

If you’re seeing a therapist and you have a bad feeling about them, leave. I’ve done it a couple of times. It is healthy.

The therapist I’m currently seeing had tears in her eyes, this very week, about something I told her. Yes, she cares. There are caring people in this world and they’re more likely to become a therapist than a Wall Street trader. The psychiatrist I saw when I was 20 cared deeply. He had worked in a child oncology hospital, before, and could not take it anymore. He cared too much, in that case.

It is an oft perpetuated nonsense that therapists don’t care. But i’ll emphasise again: you need to find the ones that do. Trial and error. Ask about word of mouth. Online reviews. Leave if you don’t feel good about them.

Does it work?

Interestingly, research some time ago (it might be different these days with new therapies, but then again it might not) showed that the type of therapy did not have much effect on outcome, but the person of the therapist did. Caring therapists have better results. Do not settle for an asshole.

My therapy back in the day did not cure my intense anxiety. It did seriously mitigate my depression and, above all, it helped me form better relationships with people. This made it possible for me to have a very happy marriage, even though I still suffered with steep anxiety - this would 100% not have been possible without that therapy. I learned so much.

So now I’m in therapy again. Does it help? It’s been 8 sessions, I guess, and my anxiety is still sky high but some things are starting to move. I’ll have to keep you posted on how things proceed. But one huge relief was that I’m not entirely on my own with this mess, anymore. Someone is on my side. I am more confident when dealing with triggering relatives, because she and I discuss it together and I feel as if I have “permission”.

Bottom line: going mental health issues alone is lonely and miserable and often leads to going around in circles without making progress. There are lovely therapists out there. Also dysfunctional assholes. Finding the former and firing the latter is key. We all run into some toads before we find the prince. Take a chance.

[Blueruth in reply to Zyxx]

It is certainly nuanced! I don’t see how you could do the job without empathy. It is too hard. The study I am familiar with was huge. It compared talk therapy to chemical therapy outcomes. It found both are equally good. For people that do need chemicals, outcomes are much better combined with talk therapy. Either way talk therapy is important for a good outcome.

[Zyxx in reply to Blueruth]

Yes I think so, ruth. But therapy with a shitty therapist is certainly not good. I’ve had a few of those….My friend, then 19, worked up the courage to call a therapist. The therapist said: “Here is my address. Write it down now, because I don’t want to have to say it twice.”

I said: “Don’t go to this woman.” Gladly, she didn’t.

[Blueruth in reply to Zyxx]

Having dinner in a restaurant with a shitty waiter is pretty terrible too! Unfortunately it happens in every field.

[Therapist104 in reply to Zyxx]

Well, maybe I need a new one. Because my therapist seems like she hates me.

[Zyxx in reply to Therapist104]

That totally sucks. She probably doesn’t, but a therapist should be able to make you feel accepted and cared for.

I actually had 2 guys (one a psychiatrist, the other a psychologist for students) who clearly did not like me. I had to stay with the shrink because we were transitioning meds. But the psychologist….I thought “ok, I need to not be with this guy.” He said he wouldn’t get me in touch with one of the other student psychologists - he insisted I should see him. “Just because you want to see a different psychologist doesn’t mean you get to,” he said. He was a total asshole. Absolutely unbelievable, actually. I said “well then I guess it’s no therapy for me.” And that’s how it went.

Later I went to a student counsellor and she said: “The student psychologists here are a mess - I wouldn’t send my own daughter there.” I’m glad I went away - therapy with an effing asshole is definitely worse than no therapy at all.

For a while I also saw some hopeless loon. Really, what a number. She was about 60 and was wearing a sweater that left almost her entire belly bare - you’d sit there staring at her navel. Believe it or not, she wanted me to do household chores for her! She said all her patients did. I’d been referred to her for cognitive therapy, but she wanted to do all sorts of different therapies. I insisted we do cognitive therapy. At long last she took a folder from her book case, leafed through it and said we were going to do an exercise from the folder. I had to tell her about my fear for disease and accidents, and I had to draw a circle and show how my thoughts were circles.

But my thoughts weren’t circles. I said “I don’t know how to do that. I’m just scared something awful happens, and then my thoughts get darker and darker all the time. How do I draw that in a circle? It’s not a circle.”

At some point she said: “You need a good kick in the butt.”

I said: “You know, I don’t really like that expression, because it’s what my aunt, that I lived with as a child, always said.”

She: “Well maybe your aunt was right.”

As it happens, that aunt used to beat me several times a week. Plus some other stuff. This therapist didn’t ask me anything about that. She just felt my aunt was right and I needed a kick in the butt. Thanks. Gives me a lot of trust.

I stayed too long - 6 or 7 sessions. Should have gotten out the door much sooner. But you know how it is. You go to these people when you’re at your deepest point. And you figure there must be something wrong with you if you don’t get along. What a total wanker she was…I once made a little joke. Didn’t hear the last of that for the whole session. Sense of humour entirely absent.

But as I say, my shrink when I was 20, and the psychologist I’m seeing right now are 100% lovely people, and I’m so glad they were/are in my life.

D’you think you could tell your psychologist that it feels like she hates you? If she’s a good person she’ll discuss it in a nice way and you’ll feel relieved in the end. If she’s a jerk and actually does dislike you, she’ll be defensive and blame you for misinterpreting or whatever. If it leaves you not feeling good about her, you should probably really fire her.

But asking her might work out - it could also be that she totally likes you and a little communication clears the issue right up. That said - a truly kind person usually conveys warmth with no room for doubt as to their intentions.

I hope you can change therapists if it doesn’t work out. Shop till you drop!

[Therapist104 in reply to Zyxx]

Yes I agree 100% with you! Therapists are assholes who don't care about you, who don't a never will know you. At least that's my therapist.

[Zyxx in reply to Therapist104]

Nah, they’re not assholes who don’t care about you. SOME are assholes. My therapist back in the day really cared, and so does my current therapist. You gotto kiss a lot of toads before you find the prince…

[RemySue]

Therapy for me has been wonderful. I went for five years during/after my awful divorce, and started again last summer after a 5 year break. That being said, you have to find the right therapist for you. I went in college, a few times during my marriage and none of those (5 or so) really helped me at all. I LOVE my therapist-she helps me see things more clearly, and doesn't let me get away with any BS. Good luck to you

[bethelbee]

Therapy really helped me! My last therapist 'gave' me my family back and present one 'gave' me my life back. If not for therapy I may not be here today. I put gave in quotes because you need to do the work as well. If you don't feel like he/she is helping you, find another therapist. The therapeutic relationship needs to be a good one for it to work. Hope you find the right therapist for yourself!

[momander]

Hi,

I am a therapist!!! I see it as a privilege to be able to do my job!! I am passionate about it and treat each client with care and respect. I have had therapy in the past and was very lucky to have the most amazing woman help me navigate through very dark times. I decided to become a therapist after seeing her for a very long time and coming out the other end a happier person!!! I am so sorry you think some therapist just see the money side of things. I feel they should perhaps think of retiring or having a career change??? you have to like people and have the ability to have a connection with them and genuinely want to help them no matter how long it takes and how difficult the journey is. i hope you find the right person for you.

[Therapist104 in reply to momander]

Thanks.

[Zhangliqun]

It depends on the therapist. I think the overwhelming majority are not in it just for the money, they really do give a rip. But like any other special skill, some just don't have it. And others are actually very good but aren't the right one for you. You have to keep looking til you find the one you hit it off with. (Same goes for medication.)

For these and other reasons, psychiatry is still more art than science so you have to keep trying counselors and meds out, and do your own research about them on line.

[designguy]

First of all, you have to be willing to do the work in therapy for it to help you. A good therapist can only advise and provide you with insight and the tools you need to change and lead a more fulfilling life but you have to make the effort and do the work. The other thing is that there are so many different kinds of therapy and types of treatment available now that it is best if you take the time to learn about them and decide what kind you think you would benefit most from. Also check out the profiles and websites of the therapist(s) you are interested in first to see if you think they are a good fit for you. I've even interviewed therapists first to see if I think they are right for me before committing to work with them. And don't be afraid to quit working with a therapist if you think they aren't helping you and find one that will.

[Daveacr1959]

It kind of helped me. In 1993 the shrink sent me the 2 different therapists. 6 visits with each one. They both said I needed medicine and I was not causing my problems with bad thinking. They told the shrink I was doing all the right things. Going to work, eating good and lots of cardio exercise daily. No drugs or booze or anything. So he kept me on the beta blocker and klonopin ever since. And when I had a life changing surgery 18 months ago, one of the counselors told me he swam laps with a mask and snorkel because of his surgery. And I tried it and it worked. He also told me about diaphragmatic breathing that helped me. He also encouraged me to keep doing the daily cold water, since he has heard it’s helping many people around the world. But for the most part, they don’t like it when you say I want to quit therapy. It’s how they make thier living. The first 2 I saw in 1993 knew it was only 6 visits each because that’s all insurance paid for. But the last 2 after the surgery, I could tell they didn’t dig it when I said I’m feeling better and going to stop. My diagnosis in 1993 was generalized anxiety disorder and panic attacks. The female counselor in 93 was bi polar. And I liked her . I could tell she was thinking, it takes one to know one, and he needs the medicine. He’s not creating his own problems. The last 2 after surgery, seemed like just someone to talk to, because I didn’t have anyone to talk to. They had never been through what I went through. The guy counselor had a back surgery so he was more relatable and helpful.

[Zyxx in reply to Daveacr1959]

Hey Dave, I was wondering, how do a mask and snorkel help after surgery?

[Daveacr1959 in reply to Zyxx]

It allows you to swim more mildly. You don’t have to come up out of the water, with the breath and overhead freestyle swimming strokes. You can keep your head and face and torso in the water. And it’s an easier less powerful, motion. Kind of like snorkeling vs swimming hard .

[Zyxx in reply to Daveacr1959]

Ok, that makes sense, thanks, Dave

[Joshgw]

It is really hard to find a therapist that's the right fit for you. I've been battling depression/anxiety for a long time. I saw one therapist for 20 years without realizing she wasn't really helping me. It took me being hospitalized to find another one that could help me. After the hospital i knew i had to make a treatment plan. There are many different types of therapy as well as kinds of therapists. But therapists are not miracle workers, you have to be willing to do the work. I learned this the hard way. Getting Better takes a lot of time, but if you think your therapist isn't helping that doesn't necessarily mean therapy won't help you. It's possible that the one you're seeing is just not the right fit for you. If I realized that before I probably wouldn't have been hospitalized. I've been battling suicidal ideation for a while now and I think I finally found a therapist where I made a lot of progress. I want my depression to go away overnight but I also know it doesn't work that way, you have to give things a chance.

[mvillarreal]

I'll admit, I've been to a few therapists who I think were just after the money, but my latest counselor, who works for Sohliten on a sliding scale has really helped me. With her, I learned to cope with and process trauma, as well as how to reframe negative thoughts. My life still isn't perfect, of course, but I've made a lot of progress with her.

[momander]

Hi,I am a therapist based in the UK. I am passionate about my job and have kept my fees as low as I can over the last 8 years. When I look at how much others charge, I sometimes wonder if they ever get any clients? I am sure there will be many therapists all over the world that think more about their fee than their clients, but I can assure you, there are also many of us who are still passionate about our jobs and our clients