I've found over the years that when I get depressed, it comes out as irritability. This was actually how I first discovered that I had depression. I was incredibly irritated at many things, and went to see a counselor. They thought it was depression, and I believe they were correct.
Well lately I've been extremely irritable.
Several things are getting to me. The main one is probably my annual countdown of the anniversary of my daughter passing. She was diagnosed with a very rare form of colon cancer when she was only 14. She fought like a lion for five years but passed just before her 20th birthday. That date is coming up in a couple weeks.
She taught us a very valuable lesson though: When bad things happen to you, there's not much you can do about it. Feel your feeling for sure, but then be aware that what you do next is YOUR CHOICE.
You have the power to decide how you're going to respond. You could choose to smash something. You could choose to hide in your room. Or you could choose to do something that brings you joy.
This is what she always seemed to be able to do.
Anyway, between the pandemic lasting forever here, all the horrible news every day, and this anniversary coming up, I'm not in a good place.
I want to get away, but I just did that a couple months ago. Went out for a week on my own fishing and camping. It was wonderful, but I just can't afford it now, and I can't get off work again.
I need to try to settle down in my head.
I'm not as good as my daughter was and choosing positive reactions to bad things. I try and try. I know she would want us to be happy, and to always choose things that make us smile and bring us joy. It's hard. We try, which I think would make her really proud.
I know there are probably a lot of people here who are struggling with the pandemic, the daily/hourly/minutely terrible news, and all the other frustrations we all face. I'm genuinely sorry you're having to go through all this.
It's a tough time for all of us.
Written by
Chino_Cherokee
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I totally understand what your feeling loosing a loved one is so darn tough this year has been so stressful for all of us . I love your daughters way of thinking . Lots of kindness and support to you 🙏❤️
I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter , so young yet so mature in her outlook, its so sad sometimes it’s worse for those left behind to deal with the loss, then to have all the stress of covid the past two years on top must have been so hard for you .I’m sure you’re daughter would want you to be positive , just like she was, live life as she would want you to , for her , take care 😘
I’m so sorry, I can’t imagine worse pain than the loss of a child♥️😢 I think it’s great that you are reaching out and sharing how hard this is, rather than keeping it in. It’s normal to feel the way you are feeling right now. It sounds like your daughter was a wonderful, special person. Be kind and gentle with yourself 💕
Sorry for your loss, can’t imagine loosing a child. I lost my dad to colon cancer when I was 14. I couldn't cry at the moment I just felt mad and irritable at everything. Its only when i been older that i am able to cry and I miss him so much. Just wanted to say we are here for you.
I unfortunately know how you feel. My granddaughter drowned on August 15. Her birthday is this Wednesday. It is like a life sentence. Nothing will ever be the same. I am used to fixing things, but there is no fixing this. Everyone in my family is so sad, and there is no way to fix it.
My other granddaughter just turned 13. She has been having some really rough nights thinking about her sister's birthday
I don't want anyone else to ever have to experience this, but I can't think of one friend or family member whose child has died. It's the age old question, why me?
In May of 2019 my contract wasn't renewed at the college where I had worked for 15 years, because someone in my department intentionally tried to hurt me and she accomplished her mission. This culminated in a suicide attempt and a trip to the mental hospital. After 2.5 years, I was just starting to come out of the horrible fog that accompanied the suicide attempt. (My doctor says I broke my brain.) Why didn't something bad happen to her?
I have no intention of trying to kill myself again, but if I went to bed and never woke up, that would be a good thing.
(My sister also died last June. She was 63 years old.)
I'm so sorry to hear this. What a difficult situation. What a BUNCH of difficult situations all at the same time. Goodness!
As I mentioned in the original post, we try to do things that bring us joy. We're not as good as our daughter, but at least she was able to teach us that is always an option! We do try, so there's that..... I went out to her grave this morning and left 12 beautiful red roses, which brought me lots of joy.
So that's all we can do is try. Hope you have an OK day today, and maybe you can do something small and simple that brings you some joy.
My daughter would be proud of you! AND SO WOULD I!
Thanks so much for your kind words. I haven't really "unloaded" like this. It felt good. I think putting roses on her grave is a sweet remembrance. My whole family is going out to lunch/dinner on Wednesday so no one has to be alone. Be kind to yourself!
Completely understand what your going through, when it's coming up for my daughters anniversary, it usually starts a few weeks before and quite honestly, I am almost unbearable to live with and I need to try and remember it wasn't just me that lost Louise (my daughter) also her dad,brothers,and sister too. I think I feel like I carry the whole family's grief and the burden of it is sometimes almost unbearable . You can private message me if you really want whatever you feel is most helpful to you.
I'm so sorry you are going through a rough patch. I can't imagine how deep your loss has been for you. Children have a wonderful way of looking at the world that can be more difficult for adults to do. You have a good outlook on life and thank you for sharing your struggle with us. Hugs to you.
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