Difficulty Sleeping

[CarlJames]

Lying in bed staring at the ceiling in frustration, the night seems to drag on forever when we have difficulty sleeping. Tossing, turning, getting up, settling back down, nothing seems to work. The more we try to get to sleep it seems the more agitated we get, and the further we get from being able to sleep.

And, interestingly, the answer lies in that last sentence.

Insomnia, or difficulty getting to sleep, is a very common issue for anxiety sufferers. The reason for this is that the same thought patterns and reactions that keep anxiety alive also keep insomnia happening.

For people without anxiety a sleepless night is typically just that – a sleepless night. It results in some tiredness the next day, but, left alone, it does not become an issue. Anxiety sufferers however will tend to react to a sleepless night in the same way we react to anxiety symptoms – by immediately obsessing about it in our thoughts, planning how to manage it, or better yet how to avoid it, and then fighting it if and when it happens.

First, we try all kinds of things to help our chances of getting to sleep. We worry about it during the day. We avoid caffeine after a certain hour. We may take supplements or certain foods to help. We plan and organize various aspects of our preparation for going to bed. In short, we have made getting to sleep a huge focus of our attention, and made it into a really big deal. We worry all day with thoughts of: “What if I can’t get to sleep tonight…?”, and fret about the consequences of that. The closer we get to bed time, the more anxious we get.

Our determination to get to sleep by sheer will and effort is actually the problem. We have blown it up into a huge deal, and become fearful of not sleeping. This activates our nervous system, and makes sleep much less likely to happen. And the more we try to get to sleep (without success) the more agitated we get.

So what is the answer? Doing the opposite.

We have to make it less of an issue. No big deal. We first need to accept the possibility we may not sleep tonight and make our peace with that. We must accept that we may as result be tired tomorrow, but that is not the end of the world.

In fact, what really works is to take that even further. Go to bed, lie there quietly, and try NOT to go to sleep. Try to just rest quietly, and if sleep doesn’t come, OK, no big deal. Don’t fight it, don’t think of all the terrible scenarios for the next day that haven’t happened and probably won’t. Just focus on laying there quietly, letting the time pass. If it helps, get up briefly to walk around, then settle back down once again, but with the intention of NOT sleeping, but just resting quietly.

It is by making "not sleeping" a non-issue, and giving yourself permission to not sleep that allows your nervous system to calm down. When it calms down, ironically your chances of falling asleep improve.

But this only works if you genuinely are not trying to get to sleep. If you do this in order to get to sleep, or always sneakily looking to see “if it is working”, you will make it more likely you don’t sleep.

Always try only to rest, not to sleep. Accept the possibility you may go the whole night without sleeping, but if so, at least you will have rested.

[Agora1]

CarlJames, good post on sleep deprivation. It's so true between theworrying and the "what if's" who could possibly sleep??

It must come naturally and not be demanded.

So many suffer from sleepless nights, I hope they get some help from

your in put. Thanks for posting Have a goodnight's rest or sleep xx

[CarlJames in reply to Agora1]

Thanks. I hope people find it helpful. The approach worked for me.

[secrets22]

oh gosh i hear you for sleep has always been a massive problem for me and no matter what sleep aids i take it makes not the slightest difference,but rather than loll around in bed,i get up,make a malted drink,do a spot of reading and then have another go.i suppose i must be one of these people who gets by on little sleep,4 hours is the max.

[CarlJames in reply to secrets22]

I think you are right. People's sleep needs vary a lot. I like your approach to not sleeping. Much better than fighting it.

[gracy225]

Wow! You absolutely nailed it! I, too, suffer from insomnia time to time. It's severe meaning days. I can handle (easily) a 24 hours cycle without sleep. Though not as easily can tolerate the "48 hour" mark. After that, of course things get pretty weird. One issue is my very caring husband. I have MS. Sleep is important. However telling me to "go to sleep, go to bed" etc doesn't help in fact increases my anxiety so much more as I feel I am letting HIM down! It sounds ridiculous as I write this but if a person has not gone through a bout of insomnia, it must be hard to understand. Thank you for posting. I don't feel so alone.

[CarlJames in reply to gracy225]

What helps me is reminding myself that I can accept not sleeping, because struggling hard to sleep usually makes things worse, and I won't get to sleep like that anyway. So I am then better able to go to bed with the goal of just resting quietly.

I agree it gets harder if you have several days in a row...

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Hi CarlJames. Great post. One thing I am no longer doing is emphasizing to friends and family how poorly I slept the previous night or that I’m having long-term insomnia. A couple of them keep sending articles to me about how critically important sleep is and how not getting enough can cause devastating illness. I’m sure they mean well but it’s not like I need to be convinced that sleep is important. Or scared out of my mind that I am sleep-deprived and that will make me sleep . That only makes me more anxious and less able to sleep. What you suggest is counterintuitive but exactly right. Don’t give a s*** about whether you sleep or not. Your body will take what it needs. Worst case? You’re tired tomorrow. Not pleasant but not the end of the world. Don’t let sleep ..or the lack of it…run your life. Once we stop clutching and grabbing at it it’ll come….

[CarlJames in reply to Catsamaze]

Exactly the right approach!

Yes, it is unfortunate that people (especially those that care for us) giving us horror stories about not sleeping. "Stories" is what they are. Many people get by for months or years on very little sleep. As you say, it's not fun, but not particularly dangerous.