Hi all! This is my first time posting, I just discovered this site (and WOW am I already so relieved that I did. It's so validating not to feel alone for once).
I'm going through an excruciating break up that is taking a massive toll on my ability to function. We were together for 7 years, lived together for 2, and we're still madly in love. We mutually decided we needed to break up because both of us are extremely codependent and it was taking a massive toll on our relationship. The way we both looked at it is that this is a chance for us to figure ourselves out as individuals and deal with our issues so that hopefully we could come back together in the future, two whole people rather than two halves making one whole. I felt very optimistic about this...until he moved out.
Now, I'm sitting alone in our apartment, feeling like I'm literally living in a museum of the past. And I can't help but feel desperately alone. I really have no friends outside of work, and my "work friends" aren't people that I necessarily feel super close with (to give more content - I am a freelance artist in the entertainment industry. As much as I love my job, let's just say when your next meal is dependent on people liking you, it's not the most comfortable environment to be vulnerable or to truly express yourself emotionally). I'd describe it as having a wide network of acquaintances and friends, but no best friends or close friends. The closest thing I had to a best friend I had sadly moved back home during the pandemic. So I'm sitting here, in an empty apartment, thinking of all the broken dreams and broken promises. Even though I know in my heart that this is what both of us need as individuals in order to grow, I can't stand being alone like this. I've cried more in the week he's been gone than I have probably in the last 4 years total. I know that this is what we need to do, but I genuinely can't function without him, and it's terrifying me.
Sorry if this post is too long and ramble - I just have no one else to turn to and really don't know how to get out of this pit of depression. I have no friends, I have no family I can rely on, I'm really on my own out here. And unfortunately due to the nature of my work, I have way too much time on my hands to just sit in my apartment and mope. The combination of no one to talk to and all the time in the world to realize the depths of how alone I am are incredibly painful. I have no motivation to create any art or do literally anything besides cry. I feel like I have no identity anymore. I want to help myself so badly to move past this and start becoming myself again, I just have no idea how when just getting out of bed in the morning seems like an absolute mountain and therapy is too much for me to afford being on my own now. I'm so lost.
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purple_elephant42
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I can kind of relate to your situation, my husband and I went through a very rough time in 2019 so we decided that I leave for a year, I live in Washington DC area and left for LA with no job - I took a leap of faith and ended up staying for a year. I’m from a very plush area but when I went to LA I realized how spoiled I was, I saw homeless everywhere and everyday. I also made really good friends which I don’t have in VA. I started hiking 3 times a week, it was therapy for me we talked about our problems and childhood experiences. If possible challenge yourself and go to a trip where you always wanted to go. It sounds like your job allows you to do this. I met many people from NYC and stayed in LA for months. It may be that you need a different perspective, I know from my relationship I needed this to grow as a person and try new things. I’m back in VA and our relationship is much better, we are trying to move to LA I miss my friends and hiking he is now willing to go because he knows that I did things for him for a long time and not for me. It’s well worth thinking about..
Oh wow, I know that shell shocked feeling when you first come to LA! It has a very dark energy to it without a doubt. I really love that idea, I've been thinking about finding a hot spring nearby this weekend and taking a weekend trip to clear my head. I think you hit the nail on the head with the different perspective. It's been the most bizarre experience feeling like you're living in a museum of the past, and I don't think I'll be able to get out of this depressive episode without a change. That's amazing to hear that you guys are back and doing better than ever! I wish you both nothing but love and success, and hopefully you'll be able to come back to LA soon! You've given me so much to think about and I deeply appreciate you taking the time to comment here. Thank you so much.
This literally brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much for saying that. I have no idea if I would ever be able to get out of this absolute pit of depression without everyone's support here. I appreciate your response so so much.
I’m so happy that you will think about a trip! It’s so eye opening to be in nature, I hiked during the pandemic and it really got me through hard times.. it’s amazing what nature can do! We are so caught up in our problems and don’t appreciate the essential things like plants and trees ect. I heard from a friend that walking in nature is used for healing diseases and depression, there is a book called forest bathing from a Japanese doctor, Dr. Qing Li -I need to order this book!! I hope that you can take this trip and if you do let me know how it goes 🙃
I am so sorry you are feeling lonely. This would be a wonderful time to find a counselor that you could speak with/about your feelings. Especially if you are feeling very codependent, he or she can navigate you through those emotions. It has helped me tremendously in my life. I am sorry that you are alone. I am too. I try to work on my gratitude these days. I'm sending you a big hug so that you know you are NOT alone!
Thank you so much for saying that, I'm so grateful to have found this community where everyone is so kind and thoughtful. This is the first time I haven't felt alone in a long while. I would absolutely love to find a counselor! It's been a little hard to swing one financially, and unfortunately being in a big city as well many counselors have waitlists that are months long. That being said, I'm definitely still trying! Lord knows I need the help haha. Thank you so much for your time and kind words, I seriously appreciate it.
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Spiraling big time. Going through a divorce. 
first time posting a photo 
Going through the most 
This is my first time
Feels hard to go through this alone
