I Need to Rant Because I'm Miserable

[Lefty_Epee]

About a week ago I went home for Columbus Day Weekend/Native American Heritage Weekend (you get it). I spent a majority of the time with my girlfriend because she lives 4 hours away from me and I only get to see her every 2 weeks or so which is lot for me because I became codependent and now I have to become independent?/less dependent. I went pumpkin picking with her family and her, THEY invited me, NOT my girlfriend. Me and my girlfriend spent the majority of the following day out and about, visiting the places where we first started to fall in love. We made plans for the day after that to go up to Highpoint and have a picnic and hike day, since the weather had been crappy for a majority of the Summer. The morning of when we were supposed to go out, this is the text I receive "I know Allie said she had plans today, but I have just informed her, she will be spending this afternoon with her family. We will be having family dinner tonight. I hope you understand". Now if MY girlfriend told me this, I would have no issue whatsoever. But that's not what happened. Her mother, tried to cancel our plans, when my girlfriend wasn't even awake yet! "Informed her", she was asleep! She had no idea what was going on until I was frantically calling her because her mother has a tendency to take her phone, her personal belongings, or beat her whenever she doesn't get she want. So my poor girlfriend had to deal with that as a wakeup call. Her car was blocked in so she couldn't pickup and leave, so I went and picked her up and we had a wonderful day together. When I went to drop her back off at home is where the shit hit the fan. Her mother starts to berate her for not spending time with her family (when all they do is talk about how the bible, how one family member is always 'mysteriously sick', and how one family member drinks when they're pregnant: fun stuff). Her mother, and her older sisters begin to blame her for everything that they do wrong. This has happened multiple times in the past and I was always good and kept my mouth shut. I couldn't take it anymore and I snapped. I don't think I've ever yelled that loud in my life. I don't think I was ever so angry. Some other things happened which I'm not going to talk about because I really don't have a place to just scream and hit things right now. Short story short, the family is doing the all too familiar "we're sorry the way we acted, we would never hurt xyz" bullshit. I know all the dirt on them. I tolerated it because I just wanted everything to be okay. I couldn't take it. I apologized for yelling, for which I am sorry, it was irresponsible (if I wanted change that's not how I should have gone about it), but I will not be going to the house in the future, unless I'm called to pick up my girlfriend, or to help her pack. I have been trying my absolute best to use ride the wave, radical acceptance, and meditation, TIPP, everything. I'm just seething, I feel like a volcano. I already blew up but I feel the heat, the pressure, the irritability. I just want to get back to normal. These emotions are making it impossible for me to do anything. Comments, concerns, opinions, or advice are all welcome. Thank you everyone for being here to listen, I don't know what I'd do without y'all.

[Midori]

How old is your GF? What does she want to do about this controlling family? You will need to take your cue from her, she must make the decision. You can help, but don't push the issue.

Yes, it appears the family is abusive, but unless you have very strong feelings for each other and plan to make a go of it together, it could become difficult for both of you.

Take care,

Cheers, Midori

[autumnmarie5]

Thanks for reaching out here for the venting! I appreciate that others do this because to me it seems normal. I tend to be having the same questions as Midori. How old is she and is she going to stand up to her controlling family about the relationship? Speaking from experience, a family like this can definitely put a strain on a relationship. You have to know that you and her's relationship is a priority and respected. The family sounds unfair and definitely should understand that if there were already plans made they can't do anything about that. I understand you getting so frustrated and snapping, we are human and crap happens. Hope things get better between the family and you. Maybe try sitting down with them in a very Adult like manor and expressing your concerns about their lack of respect for the relationship. Let them know that you aren't trying to take away family time but just if there are plans set in place respect those first and then the other plans they want y'all to attend will come next Hopefully this helps!