gone are the days of mary j. anne

[torpe]

i think i am quitting smoking for good…it feels so good to do and say that and mean it. people say that weed isn’t addictive, but it is and i was addicted for years. i drained so much money down the toilet and used it as an emotional crutch for so long for years. to be completely transparent, sometimes i’d be spending $100 every week/two weeks. That may not seem like that much to some, but it is that much…it all adds up. i’d go thru every bit of it sometimes waiting a week or so to reup because i ran out so quickly. when i do anything, i am never half-assed about it. imagine the money i could’ve saved all that time. oh well! it all brought me here to where i am today. years ago, my friend passed away and i barely remember that time besides sitting by a window and getting so stoned that i could think or feel anything. same when i went through a bad breakup…getting so high i don’t remember that time. my paranoia got so bad that i started to think people were conspiring against me for the tiniest things, i was going mad. i convinced myself that people were plotting to kill me and so on, but i just wouldn’t stop. i’d come home and be a shell of a person trying to carry on conversation with my loved ones. it became engrained in my routine, a part that came with me. i was used because i always had it and was more than willing to share. i thought it protected me. i thought it shielded me from negative emotions. it did none of that, but i gave power to it. masking and protecting are different. i ran away from my issues and put bandaids on them that i thought would close a gash although i needed stitches. i was so set on numbing my pain rather than assessing the issues i faced and trying to work to fix them. it made me so scared. i was so down and out of my mind. still i partook. then one day i just decided to stop. i’ve smoked once since then, but didn’t find any joy in it, really. it hasn’t been so long, but i feel much more clear. waking up with a clear head, there is no price for that. feeling awake and not delayed. i fear i’d not sleep again or have horrendous nightmares, but it was all in my head. it feels nice never since being addicted to any substance did i think i could imagine a happy sober life, yet here i am. hopefully this can help someone know that it isn’t impossible whatever your vice to overcome it and be happy. addictive substances want you to think you need them so you’ll keep numbing away, not helping anything—draining away. the substances need you more than you need them for without a vessel they are just a substance. you can overcome anything if you have the will.

[Hidden]

Best wishes and good luck. Its very addictive, when I quit I used long walks to help clear away deprivation caused anxiety.

[torpe in reply to Hidden]

thank you for this!! i looooove me some long walks 💖💖💖

[Agora1]

Congratulations torpe in finding that "aha" moment regarding addition/dependencysubstitutes

The years I was on benzos was the same. Sleeping away my life, not being coherent

when I was awake. I fully wasn't myself. I longed for the clarity of my thoughts and

enjoyment of life to come back.

Getting off my meds was a difficult challenge but one that was well worth it.

Like you, I'm clear headed and rational. I'm not just a walking zombie under the

influence. Life is Good once more. I'm proud of what you've been able to

accomplish. More power to you my friend xx

[torpe in reply to Agora1]

thank you for sharing your experience with this message. it is nice that someone has also overcome something of the same ilk. it feels good to be able to think clearly and not be afraid of every single move i make. and more power to you! thank you for always being so supportive, you don’t know how much it truly means 💖

[Agora1 in reply to torpe]

We share because we care....thank you torpe xx

[mantis-toboggan]

I just hit 6 months marijuana free after realizing it was making my anxiety worse long term. To me, being sober and having a clear head is much more satisfying. Best of luck!

[torpe in reply to mantis-toboggan]

thank you so very much!!! and congrats on six long months. i think it is a lot more satisfying, honestly. i really like the me that i am coming into

[notanotter]

Thanks for writing about your experiences and about how you realized you want to move away from MJ. I can relate to what you have been through - it was similar except I wasn’t quite as paranoid (but I was scared by the paranoid instances I did have).

Keep up the good clean trend! Personally I stopped even occasional use once I was prescribed antidepressant meds.

[torpe in reply to notanotter]

thank you for this message and sharing your experiences!! 💖i don’t think i will even do occasional anymore as well…i don’t think it’s quite worth it at all.

[notanotter in reply to torpe]

Hugs!! Honestly I have not missed it. It helped a lot not to be around any other people who were using it, and now I don’t miss it at all.

[torpe in reply to notanotter]

hugs 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 you are really right about surrounding yourself with like minded people!!!

[kenster1]

glad to hear you gave it up done so myself years ago never looked back.

[torpe in reply to kenster1]

thank you very much this also serves as good inspiration as i never want to look back!!! 💖