Help me with this please....

[Jrick34]

Hey guys, hope everyone is doing okay. I feel so silly posing this question. I lost my father 3 months ago and while we didn't have the greatest relationship and he struggled with addiction, I miss him a lot and I find myself crying whenever I think about him. I mean every single time he comes up in my mind, tears begin to fall. He was alone and I spoke to him 2 weeks before he died. When I went to clean out his apartment. it mirrored something you'd think a depressed, addict and heartbroken person would be living in. It absolutely broke my heart to see his apartment tore apart and dirty. I tell myself I could of have done more but I didn't know what to do. Why cant I get through a thought of him without crying? Did I do something wrong? I did what I could but I feel so so terrible....

[Gadzukes]

Hi, I’m so sorry you have lost your father. It hurts so deeply to loose a parent. I think it’s absolutely normal to grieve as you are. I understand completely your feelings of guilt right now, but believe me from a person who went through the same thing many years ago, they are unwarranted. You did what you could. That’s all than any of us can do. It hurts so much not to be able to help someone we love so deeply. So my humble advise to you is let yourself grieve and let go of the guilt. Sending prayers and hope🙏🏻❤️

[quickblizzard]

Agreed with Gadzukes. If you don't mind me saying, it sounds like perhaps you're surprised that you're having this strong a reaction, given your history with your father. But it's okay to grieve, even if it feels strange and unexpected. It also sounds like you might be dealing with blame when it comes to the state of your relationship. I doubt you did anything wrong, but you're scared you might. Do you have access to counseling? There may be more there to unpack. Just know, while things hurt so much right now, in time, things will get better. Sending hugs.

[Midori]

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Its heartbreaking when this happens, because you start feeling guilty, that you should have done something before, but you weren't to know this would happen.

Cheers, Midori

[crowningglory19]

The death of a loved one who you had a hard relationship can be tougher than even one you are close to, it comes with a lot of unnecessary guilt and sorrow. You can never do enough for an addict and they will chew you up and spit you out to get what they are addicted to so boundaries are good. You can't fix them and I'm sure this is part of your sorrow, and the life he wasted. Keep breathing thru it, allow the tears to fall and let it all move in the direction towards healing at it's own pace. Grief takes time and many forms. I am so sorry for your loss and sorrow. Counseling is good and many churches offer it free if you are ready.

[Midori]

Grief is an odd thing, even if you didn't get on too well, he was family and there is a pull to relatives.

He will have been a large part of your life, and now he has gone where you can't see him. There is no shame in feeling bereft, hurt, or angry about it; It is what comes to all of us eventually.

The past has gone, you can't change it, and regret is a part of grief. Let your tears flow, it will help to ease your pain. Take time to remember him, both when you were small and at the end.

Don't let anyone tell you to 'Snap Out of It', because they are not feeling or seeing what you are, Grief takes as long as it takes, and some folk grieve for the rest of their lives, as Queen Victoria did.

Grief doesn't work to a timetable.

Treat yourself gently,

Cheers,Midori