Social anxiety taking over

[Tedlaje1996]

Hi everyone,

I’m new the forums. This is my first time joining a platform like this, but I thought it could be helpful. Not sure what I’m looking for, maybe just support, or acknowledgment, or someone who can relate.

I’ve dealt with social anxiety my entire life. I’m a master at hiding it. When I’ve grown comfortable with a friend, they’re often shocked to hear that I suffer from social anxiety, as I typically come off as a very friendly, outgoing person. What’s going on internally is an entire different story.

I’ve been unemployed for nearly six months. I went through a rather traumatic experience at my last workplace. The environment was totally toxic and draining, and I often had suicidal thoughts. I wondered, how am I supposed to keep living my life this way? After leaving the company, rather than jump right back into the workforce in a new job, I fell into a cycle of depression and sadness. I have my second interview at a new company tomorrow, and rather than being excited by this new prospect, I am full of dread. What if they judge me? What if I bomb the interview? How am I supposed to live the 9-5 life when I can barely wake up in the morning? My social anxiety has convinced me I’m incapable of surviving the working world. Being around people and constantly having to perform is exhausting. Sometimes I just want to revert into a hole and hide. I’ve lost all motivation and ambition. I know longer recognize myself. Does anyone else feel this way? That their anxiety completely holds them back from being a “normal” person? In some ways, I almost wish I wouldn’t get the job. But at the same time, I have to make money to live, and I can no longer put off working as the money I saved before I quit my last job is gone. I’m just not sure where to go from here, or how to overcome the dread, second guessing, and nerves that control me.

[Roxylox]

Welcome Tedlaje1996. I suspect you are much younger than me. I can certainly relate. I re-entered the workplace after raising a family, and my environment at work became toxic. I think you are lucky to be able to act confident enough to make friends . I feel I am not good at even acting confident. Lots of people just aren't comfortable around me.

Having always had difficulty around people, l am super sensitive to people's reactions. I now have just a few hours work elsewhere, but they are not yet back after Covid. I need to even just get out of the house at the moment, get back to change routine, but in another sense am not looking forward to work interaction again, even though the environment in this workplace is tiny.

I hope your area of work is enjoyable for you. I mean I hope you work at what you like doing.

[designguy]

Hello, I had social anxiety for years and can relate to what you are saying. The difference for me is that I didn't know that I had it, back then there wan't nearly the information about it that there is now, so I went ahead and did things anyway. My suggestion is to find a therapist near you that specializes in treating social anxiety and commit yourself to learning as much about it, why you have it and how to recover from it. they may even prescribe meds which could be of benefit. SA is learned faulty thinking and behavior you adopted as a survival mechanism and the good thing is that you can learn new healthy ways of thinking and behaving. People with SA also tend to have low-self-esteem and low-self-worth and it's important to address that issue and learn to accept and nurture yourself.

In my case, my social anxiety developed as a result of childhood bullying and consequently I realized I had complex ptsd as a result. I worked with a trauma therapist who used emdr therapy which was beneficial. Knowing why you have SA helps you in knowing how to treat it.

A big part of recovering from anxiety is learning what anxiety really is and how to accept the anxious thoughts and feelings, this also applies to social anxiety. I recommend the DARE Anxiety book and program and videos on youtube for learning an approach to accept them that really works. For the self-worth aspect I really like a program called Break Free by Dr. Bernadette Sewell although there are also good books available on self-worth/self esteem.

Knowing that your anxiety thinking is a lie, that it's role was to keep you safe but you no longer need or want to listen to it is key and you can get to that point, you just have to make the effort and get the right information and tools in order to recover. Hope this helps.