I feel like I should be doing something useful all the time and it makes me not be able to enjoy holidays or my time off. I always think I should be busy doing important and useful stuff or that I should be working hard all day every day for my goals and be successful and strong and I keep blaming myself for not being these things. And the irony is that I do many important and "adult" things almost every day but I think the problem is that I can never be happy with what I accomplish and that I always expect myself to be better.
does anyone else ever feel the same way? If so, do you know any ways to get over these thoughts and feelings?
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sarahsfeelings
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I would schedule a nothing day once a week. Really lean into it. Stay in your pajamas and relax. Read some books just for fun. Listen to music. At the end of the day, be proud of yourself for listening to your body’s need for rest and rejuvenation.
Yeah the ego voice/critical voice or the (annoying roommate in our head) never shuts up or approves of us. I have learned to tell it to shut up and eventually silence it. You are doing fine and are more than enough!!🙃🙂
I give myself time to work and time to play. Depends on how I feel. If I’m up to it I work if I need rest I rest and I listen to my body for cues. If I need nature or meditation or exercise..... you know?
I used to be like you. Apparently, one of the solution is (at least it worked forme) to live in the present moment. Also, I learnt that if I write my goals then I can feel the sense of achievement when I get them.
I was reading a book this evening and thought of you. A person named Joan Halifax was likening work to exhaling and resting to inhaling.
You can’t exhale without inhaling. To work, you must rest.
“It’s easy to believe that we must exhale (work) all the time, without ever inhaling (resting). But the inhale (rest) is absolutely essential if you want to continue to exhale (work).”
I've heard her interviewed in some podcasts & loved her insights. Mind if I ask what book?
Related, "The Art of Mindful Living" by Thich Nhat Hahn is also a worthwhile exploration into learning how to truly pause & appreciate the present moment. It's also available in audiobook format, which I recommend because his diction & sense of humor are so pleasant to hear.
IDK if you've absorbed any of his works, Rafiki, but I recommend his books wholeheartedly. Same goes for OP, Sarah. I get them from the library. <3
Hi Sarah, yes, I've had this exact problem for a long time. Upon reflection, pretty sure I learned it from my mother, who worked full time like my father, except he would fully relax when he came home. She, however, would busy herself around the house, cleaning, preparing dinner for our family of 4, running errands. Meanwhile, my dad just vegged out in front of the tv. He never helped with dinner, so I would. Witnessing my mom's anxiety & how stressed out she was constantly, it was upsetting but it was *normal*. I'm trying to break that cycle, & learn how to enjoy my well-deserved free time instead of obsessing over errands & chores.
I just finished an excellent book called "Your Money or Your Life" by Vicki Robin, & she talks briefly about the history of labor. Before modern civilization, humans only really "worked" about 3 hours per day, in order to survive. It's wild how dramatically that has changed in many of our modern cultures. That book deeply affected my perception of my work & my daily priorities.
You have fully earned the time to rest & enjoy the fruits of your labor. Think of R&R as an obligation to yourself-- it's necessary for our well-being to have moments of peace. I understand your plight, & wish you the best in your journey to unlearning the instilled expectations of busy-ness. It's not easy, but we owe it to ourselves. <3
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I feel like I should open up to you guys.
Here is how I feel all the time. Here is me!
I feel like a failure. 
What should I do? What do you do when you feel depressed or anxious or BOTH?
First time I have done something like this
