I can't get out of the house

[sarahsfeelings]

I'd been thinking of going to a café nearby and maybe run some errands for a few days and today I decided to do it and go out of the house alone after months...and I was so confident that I could do it. So I got ready and I was so happy and proud of myself for taking such a big step. I made it to the front door and I opened the door and realized that it's super hot and then I told myself that I don't even have a reason to go out and that I can make coffee at home and that Covid is pretty bad in my city(not an excuse maybe) and all sorts of excuses came to my mind. So I closed the door and came back inside and obviously started crying for how pathetic I am that I can't even leave the house without making such a big deal out of it. Why is something so simple and normal such a challenge for me? What should I do?

How am I gonna start working if I can't get out of the house?

[Kat_21]

How long has it been like this for you? I've found baby steps is the best way to handle situations like this. You have to walk before you run. Instead of looking at the overall picture, pay attention to the smaller details. Take a few steps outside the door. If you can't go any further, don't. You made it outside, that's an accomplishment. Then make yourself walk towards the cafe. Even if you don't make it, you tried and that's what matters. I know it's difficult, but it's a process. You have to train yourself to come back into society.

I'm here if you need a friend. You got this! Best wishes.

[sarahsfeelings in reply to Kat_21]

I've been like this since covid started maybe before, I had a reason not to go out of the house and I got used to it. It's really hard to get out of my comfort zone but you're right baby steps will help. Thanks for the support.

[Hidden]

I would take a short walk to begin with. Then try it again the next day. Tell yourself going to the cafe for coffee is your reward for accomplishing the walk.

[Hidden]

I am currently struggling with something similar. I have agoraphobia and I get severe anxiety leaving my house now. It's very stressful, and as you said, it makes you feel awful about yourself when you cannot do the most basic of things. It is genuinely frustrating, but for this to work you can't dive into the deep end right away. You have to work your way there. It is a long and slow process of pushing out of your comfort zone but only tiny amounts at a time. For example you might try just standing on your porch for a few minutes a day, then progress to walking to your street and back. Then maybe walking to the mailbox, etc. You have to make yourself slightly uncomfortable and then work at reducing that anxiety and keep going from there. I am doing the same thing right now. It makes me so mad when I get confident because I am having a good day and I tell myself that I will drive to the park by my home and the second I get into the car I have a breakdown and can't do it. It's very demoralizing and makes you question if you are ever going to make progress. However, you have to remember above all else to be kind to yourself and to do your best to remember that you have to build yourself up and no matter how much you want to run you need to be able to support yourself on your own two feet first.

As for COVID being bad in your city, that is a reasonable concern, especially if you have not been vaccinated. I would recommend the vaccination if you are able to get it. If not keep wearing masks and washing your hands, and keep practicing social distancing. And that should help to reduce your chances of getting it. I understand how all this builds up and makes things very difficult so just remember that no matter what even if you have a bad day take some time to prioritize yourself and practice self care. That will also help reduce some anxiety.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Great reply EoH

[sarahsfeelings]

thanks for the suggestions it really made me feel better.😊🙏

[hypercat54 in reply to sarahsfeelings]

Covid is really affecting our mental health but EofH is right. Take it very slowly and easily at first. Do you have someone who can be with you for now as this might help. Make a plan ie to go say 5 yards at first then keep doing it and going a bit further when you are ready. You must tackle it though as not doing it could result in agoraphobia and you don't want that!

[Midori in reply to sarahsfeelings]

I have started to feel hermitlike over the course of the Pandemic lockdowns, and some days not wanted to step outside my door.

But I'm too proud to ask someone to get my shopping for me. I stagger out on my rollator once or maybe twice a week to top up, and I get the heavy stuff delivered.

I have just tottered about the garden, doing a bit of weeding here and there, watering and, first thing in the morning, often around dawn I take a chair outside the front door and sit there with a cup of tea, to watch the day wake up. It is easily my favourite part of the day.

So far I haven't braved a coffee shop, but hopefully soon, as I get fitter again; I've lost so much fitness lately, and found so much extra weight it is no joke! Need to get my strength back!

Cheers, Midori

[Beevee]

Agoraphobia is not a fear of open spaces. Like all other anxiety based disorders, it is fear of the feelings of fear, not going out the front door to the local shop or cinema etc. By learning to cope with the feelings the right way and letting them wash over you with as much acceptance as you can muster, there is no limit to how far you can go. Anxiety feeds of avoidance and recovery lies in those places that trigger it. Face those fears and allow all that negativity to be there and then float out the front door, as opposed to doing it with gritted teeth, wishing it to be over as quickly as possible. That attitude just reinforces the message to the brain that there is danger and pumping more adrenalin around the body and triggering the fight or flight response,

For more information about overcoming anxiety and agoraphobia, read Essential Help for your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes and practice what she preaches.

[TangledUpIn in reply to Beevee]

Very good points Bv. During the darkest days of covid where I live, it was hard to get me out of my home for anything. I ordered Emergen - C with extra B and C vitamins from Amazon. I mixed it with cold water and immediately felt a little natural boost when I drank it. Interestingly, Emergen - C with Immune Booster really made a difference for me.

[Midori]

Do you have a friend who could help you over the doorstep, go for coffee in a shopping area or something.?

Maybe having somebody else with you can give you that confidence, and once you start, realising it's really not a bad thing, you may be able to go alone.

[Skiigyrl]

I have felt those feelings also. I was able to force myself a bit at first and when anxiety came up I sat with it acknowledging it and waiting it to pass and eventually it got easier and easier.