Staying strong

[Efthimiades]

A while back I left this group thought I could sure myself.

I have divorce moms guilt since 2012 for those of you who don't know what it is ill explain

When I got divorced I was so deep in my depression I never realized by divorcing my ex I would be leaving my kids 50% of the time

All I wanted to do was leave him because he made me want to kill myself all the time

He was a narcissist who belittled me daily and made me feel like nothing

But by leaving him I also left my kids half the time

I didn't have the backbone to go to court. Everything was done out of court his way..... the more I let him abuse me even through co-parenting.... my children would suffer less consequences. And therefore would suffer less because of their moms choices.

People always tell others to stop acting like a victim but when you are one..... those Fuckers don't understand shit until they walk in your shoes.

My life always seems to have been difficult.

But I am not lazy. I work very hard every day to prove to myself I'm worth something. From 6 am I food shop, prepare breakfast,have lunch ready for kids,work all day, make dinner,, prepare food till next day,do a load of laundry every day, keep my home immaculate, take care of finances, home, cars, pay for school,t give, give, give, give, give and never take.

I'm exhausted. I feel like robbing a liquor store, smoking some good weed and flying off a cliff like Thelma and Louise.

[Agora1]

Efthimiades, moms don't always get the praise they so deserve when children are young.Everything you are doing is not in vain. You are showing your children a positive side of life

by picking up the pieces after your life fell apart.

You chose the right option at the time. Having the children living in a parental abusive home is not healthy for them.

Your choice of divorce may in some way bring out the best of both of you in your children's eyes. Remember, they won't always be little. Once they reach adult age, they can choose

for themselves who they want to have a relationship with.

Don't beat yourself down. You are doing more than most women could handle.

Kudos to you. I respect you. In the long run, your children will admire the mother you have

been and are to them in the future.

Sending a gentle hug... xx

[Efthimiades in reply to Agora1]

That means so much. You're very kind. Thank you so much 💓

[Roxylox]

Oh dear, Efthimades I can read the pain ,and totally valid pain in your post.I would totally agree that people who haven't been through it don't understand.

I worry though, that you are driving yourself too hard trying to prove your worth, all you will get is exhausted. I go through bouts of that at times because my house rapidly gets untidy, people see that as dirt, yet my hygiene standards are good. My sister criticised my house to another sister of mine, yet her downstairs bathroom can often be manky a 80snd her floor visibly dirty.

When she broke her ankle, I went from a days work to her house and thoroughly cleaned these areas. Do people have no memories.! At the time she criticised me, I was going through terrible trauma at work. My abusive boss lived near her and she was inclined to take her side over mine and said to my sister she hoped I wouldn't make a show of myself with her. I never let on I heard this exchange, but I won' t forget, now if she's coming to visit, I'm up to ninety trying to get the house right!

I became very unpopular locally cos of the lies of this boss, and sometimes feel I have to prove myself, but not to the extent you are doing. That I would say, will lead you to certain burnout

I wanted to just let you know I can relate to the reasoning behind your constant work, but you really need time to wind down, time to look after you. I have learnt that working yourself into exhaustion does not bring you any rewards - only more stress both physical and mental.

I can totally relate to your desire to just cut loose and go on a bender, love the way you say that by the way. I like the way you write, so natural. Maybe a little journalling would help you, if you can make just a little time.

I can't help you in the breakup area, but again really want to show support for that driven feeling, the workload you are taking on yourself is frightening, but somebody here might have better advice on it than me, good move to post about it.

You shouldn't have to prove your own worth to yourself. You probably lost self-esteem through an abusive marriage. You are only damaging yourself and will render yourself unable to deal with your children if you continue along this route.

Difference between you and me is I think, I know my own worth, but sometimes feel I have to try andprove it to other people. However, that doesn't seem to happen for me, people have a set mindset where I'm concerned.

You should try and begin to realise you are a good person . You are worth looking after. You need time for you, some absolute down time regularly. I can totally understand your not wanting to go to court also.

[Efthimiades in reply to Roxylox]

Thank you Roxylox. I appreciate everything you said.

[Efthimiades]

Thanks so much.

[CoderMom]

Counseling would be a safer alternative to Thelma & Louise and your kids would have you. Been there. My kids' father ended up killing himself and his girlfriend at the time on a motorcycle, so the 50 % legal custody was no longer an issue for me. But I know how difficult it is having to watch your children go into that environment. Stay strong... Your kids need you.

[Winglessbee82]

Im sorry you are going through this. My thoughts are sent your way.