So had a family thing that happens to MANY of us and I could usually see the funny side but tonight it turned awful. My mother guilted me manipulated.... into having dinner with the family . When it was first suggested I said I don’t think I could , it would mean I would have no way of getting back home late at night, I’d been in the area day after day settling in my very mentally unwell son, I very nearly lost him 2months ago , he’s still recovering physically as well , into his new home . Travelling hrs everywhere by train til cars fixed . Well , I cracked😭. I told her why did you do this . This is the result of not saying no to my mother . I’m 47 , how is it that her behaviours have gotten to me. The roller coaster of guilt shame control... I’ve been through hell recently and she didn’t truly listen , she’s always complaining of being lonely constantly, but constantly with friends, they’ve always come first . I can’t exPlain properly in s sentence but let’s just say say I think she has narsissistic traits, is in her own world , lies but dosnt lie ( manipulates) is sometimes childlike when she dosnt get her own way and seriously just plain doesn’t listen ,never ever has to the point you could stopmid sentence and she wouldn’t notice and to be clear everyone that knows her recognises theses things in her too☹️Anyone that stays with her leaves arguing with her and traumatised. I’m not saying she’s a terrible human being, there is so much good as a mother and friend... in her but sadly these things are true . I’m left feeling soooo distraught , I just kept saying what I really thought in the moment. She carried on in the Carluke a child, I calmly asked her if perhaps we could talk another time as two mature women so we could be closer and that’s when I saw the nastier deliberately hurtful side , she stuck her finger in her ear saying stop stop stop , and then in another breath saying but I love you , I just want everything to be nice how I wanted it . I said well obviously this didn’t go well in the end , don’t you think it would be good to talk sometime because that’s life and sometimes these things happen. I was genuine and MADE SURE I sounded genuine but she got angrier, made me feel stupid . It was horrible, but knowing her she will do anything to avoid talking about it so I guess I can look in the bright side if that . Feeling a little better just for writing it out , but was soooo distraught , I don’t think she fully understands how intense it is to be around her , the up and guilt ride . Thank you to anyone who listened 😍. Does anyone else still have parental issues??
Not a goodnight!!😞: So had a family... - Anxiety and Depre...
Not a goodnight!!😞
Sometimes I argue respectfully with my mom but I love her we sometimes have disagreements . I try to argue without raising my voice but I sometimes do 😬.
Thanks Hb, how I wish I’d done that last night☹️. This is my usual approach . I guess all I can do is give it time and make sure it dosnt happen again 💕🤗
We all make mistakes and it’s ok how’s your son doing?
I’m happy to say he is doing a little better . His mental health is still up and down but better than it was and he’s making his OWN steps too with getting help from specialists 👍😊. One step at a time . And have secured him great accommodation !! Thank you so much for asking !! 💕if you remember my posts he was in quite a bad way
Sounds like narcissistic behavior to me. You have to put yourself first for your own well being. Calmly say I will not engage in this behavior and walk away. When I’m better mood then be with her. I have to do that with my sister. She has issues and I can read her and if I sense she’s not in good spirits i nicely say it seems your having a bad day I’ll talk to you another time because she tries to suck me into her drama and I can’t handle it. Learn to say no. It’s very hard but you have to protect yourself first before you can help other. I love the saying, “not my circus, not my money’s” I have to say that a lot! I’m so sorry you are dealing with this.
Thank you for taking the time to read and answer my post , I just realised how loooong it was 😆 .I wish I had done that last night ☹️. I’ve been in the mindset of just smiling and being nice , avoid dramas and then I get to go home afterwards and enjoy my peace, and it works for me . But the opposite of that happened last night . I’m really upset still but know in time I’ll get over it. And then make sure it dosnt happen again because it only hurts me . There is NOTHING anyone can do or say to even compromise with my mother so getting into an argument is a bad idea. 🙏🤗
😔 ...sigh... I personally understand how frustrating it can be to feel like you're the mature one and love a parent to death but still see some toxic stuff.
When I lived with my mom things were always very fluctuant, she's a great lady but she has a difficult time admitting when she's wrong, apologizing and a couple of other little things that drive me nuts. Now that I'm not around her so much we get along really well, I think we're just too similar in ways that end with us butting heads. I dearly love her and have had to learn to accept her flaws along with all the great parts of her.
It's SO much easier with my father, he's clearly a toxic bastard so writing him off was easy. I still talk to his girlfriend and will hear about the occasional stupid thing which helps remind me that sometimes living better off is the best revenge.
It sounds like there is a lot of potential between you and your mom, I hope you are able to manage your way through difficulties like this. She's a human too, I know I found it difficult to learn to accept my mother's flaws but when I did I think it helped heal our relationship.
Thank you for your reply , yeh I feel that way too, I do love my mother, and I constantly remind myself she’s human and does love me . I’m always trying to over look stuff and be supportive and loving as well. I think it just got all too much for me. Strong feelings involved as I hear the wingeing and complaining of loneliness for years , guilt tripping... its Sooo intense for so many years yet my son needed a place to stay for a few nights and she complained and became childish over literally a few crumbs ,and he was seriously ill ,the other day I had to stand on a tiny mat and she was happy when I said I’ll eat my biscuits outside .It’s the the patronising comments making you feel dirty or stupid that hurts the most and dirty looks and comments - undiagnosed ocd for sure ! Try to be sensitive but everything’s becoming harder, calling late at night ....when I’ve so respectfully asked her not to. Any request I have is seen as silly ,starting problems, being rude .....as long as she gets every tiny thing her way . Anyway thanx for listening. I will need to speak to her soon and am terrified, but must get some resolve and peace , even if I have to comply and then distance myself a living for a while to recoup . I don’t see our relationship healing , it dosnt interest her , but I can learn to accept her the way she is
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