Struggling

[lukas01]

It’s been a while that feeling that I’m getting. I’m constantly low. I’m scared that I will not be able to be independent enough. I’m struggling at work with basic tasks it’s just putting me down. I also may be dyspraxic which I’m getting tested for but it’s getting overwhelming and too much I want to start driving but I just feel I won’t be good enough. I feel like I lack common sense everything I do is with awkwardness now I’m living with fear and I don’t think I’ll ever move forward from it. If that’s the case I’d rather be dead rather than suffering. Everyone around me at work just seem normal and doing their things where as me I’m just struggling with my thoughts constantly battling my suicidal thoughts that no one knows about. Every time I make a mistake my mind just doesn’t stop thinking about that mistake and how other people judge me look at me. I’m sick of it why can’t I just live my life normally. I’m 20 never been in a relationship, I’m scared of going into one that is not normal on top of that I may be autistic and may suffer from learning disability. At work as well I struggle to think and I constantly forget things. It just feels like I have memory loss. And the more of these things happen the more scared I get I don’t want to live like this. I can’t think straight. I generally giving up hope. I’ve just been given a appointment for diagnosis of autism but I’m not sure if I will make it. I’ve never felt so bad in my life until last 9 months. Feels like I have to rely on everyone to help me with things but I can’t be independent. Even at work I take too long with decisions in comparison to other people. Whenever I make decisions too long my mind is giving me these thoughts like people are staring at me and judging me I don’t know what is wrong with me but I’m just tired of it. Please help me and guide me where I can move forward and cherish life because at this moment I’m feeling like I’m getting closer and closer to the grave. I don’t want to live like this. I’m praying things will get better for me.

[Fearoffear]

Make the appointment!! Start there and get a good indepth assessment. It will help to put the pieces into place for you. I know with time and help you can get to a place that you are comfortable with you!! Good luck here to listen! Gentle hugs 🤗🤗

[lukas01 in reply to Fearoffear]

Thank you. I’ve got a blood test coming up and then an appointment to discuss the blood test results and my issues hopefully I can move forward.

[despowell]

I pray that a healing is sent to you! I can’t necessarily relate to everything you’re going through but if I can tell you one thing, you deserve to live! We only get one chance at life so although things may be bad right now, troubles don’t last always. We serve a great God who sees all and hears all and anything you need, he has it for you. And even if God isn’t who you pray to, whatever higher power there is, they see and they know. So please cherish your life. Try not to worry about what others think because humans aren’t perfect so they have no right to Judge you anyway. You are worth it and you deserve to be here. Continue to pray and seek whatever help you need so that years from now you can look back and see how far you’ve grown.

[lukas01 in reply to despowell]

Thank you

[Hidden]

From old professor

All students are self conscious and feel nadeauate We push tutors constantly They are there as learning challenges are common. No big deal

To us. We only care that u learn we dint what it takes or judge I wish I had a dollar for all the tutorials I gave and could not get people to come because they thought someone would judge

The opposite. We love it when students and I’ve wourked with autistic. Get assistance. Just look at the movie

The blind side

He had a Tutor

Ya so what

Bully on him !!!

[Espejo1024]

Hi Lukas,I'm so sorry to read this. The pain is so obvious in your words. Remember that you always can talk to others dealing with Keep the appointment so you can begin to understand what medical issues you are dealing with anxiety that are struggling here too. You are NOT alone. The appointment is the first step. I highly recommend that someone you care about goes with you. Often times people miss part of what the doctor says and someone else (Mom or Dad or a sibling? Even a good friend) can help ask questions and understand what they say. They should take a notebook to take notes too.

Secondly- everyone around you is dealing with things that you don't realize too. Life can be very difficult and it's never perfect for anyone. Remember that and your difficult times will ebb and flow too. You might need to start a medicine that can help you. Be willing to find out. Don't continue to live like this.

Your life is a gift from God and suicidal thoughts are from the devil, not God. He loves you immensely and wants the best for your life. Trust God and pray for strength to make it through each day. Just take one day at a time.

I'm going to send you a PM as well here.

I'm praying for you right now.

Virtual hugs from Ohio,

Patti

[lukas01 in reply to Espejo1024]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[Kainan]

Hi. I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. I have said the exact same things to myself over the years when I was deep in anxiety and depression. I believed I had autism too, but that was simply not the case, though it can exist on a spectrum. It is usually apparent very early on in childhood and a proper diagnosis would follow, so the chances of you being diagnosed with it in your 20s is low. But you never know. In some cases, it could be missed. Having worked with people with autism, there's very specific signs that are present and needs to meet certain criteria. It's good that you're heading to see a professional so that you can talk about your concerns and perhaps acquire a treatment plan if necessary. Best of luck 👍

[lukas01 in reply to Kainan]

Thank you 🙏🏻

[HopeandOptimism]

Do not beat yourself up! You are way too hard on YOU. You are having a hard time, you are suffering inwardly. You are scared and things feel like a black hole. It happens. You need a safe place to vent. You need to be able to get your feelings out so that you can sort through them and be able to respond to them in a way that moves you forward rather than backward. You deserve to desire to LIVE and to be joyful. Life can be hard but it can also be amazing. Give yourself a chance. Let a therapist stand with you so you can feel empowered to take back control. YOU are so worth it. If you are a person of faith, also reach out to the church you are near for support and love. This is the time to allow others to love you. There are probably many at work who are also struggling but it usually doesn't show because the workplace is not where most show who they really are. Get support! You are not alone.

[lukas01 in reply to HopeandOptimism]

Thank you very much