New to all of this...

[lmg6469]

I just recently started looking online for depression support groups. This will be my 1st time posting. I am 52 and although there wasnt a name for any mental health issues back when i was growing up, i had severe anxiety to the point where i could not force myself to talk to others, let alone in school. This even included family members. My parents just used to say she's shy. It was very painful. I swore that when I had children, I would involve them in everything I could so they would not grow up feeling the same way I did. I talked to my parents later in life about my "shyness" and they never realized just how bad I was. I started suffering from depression in my early 20's after a very heartbreaking break up. This post would be way too long if I were to talk about all the bad mistakes i've made and continue to make. It seems like the sh*t is always hitting the fan. I have a black cloud over my head and if something can go wrong, it generalky does. I was married for 20 yrs and my husband passed away. I have one daughter, who despite all of my efforts, has severe anxiety and is unable to work. She has been in therapy for a number of years herself. Ive also lost both of my parents who I was very reliant on. I live on one income and struggle financially. I work full time but since covid, work from home, which has not helped my depression. I have a boyfriend who says he understands but also does not agree with a lot of mental health issues and think that some do use it as an excuse or a crutch (like my daughter) I take naps every day. When I'm not napping, I'm rumenating about everything. It's all a vicious cycle. I do have my daughter and him, but I am lonely 24/7, very unhappy and unmotivated. I know I'm not alone in my feelings. I've been told I have had a lot of trauma in my life. But in my eyes growing up with an anorexic mom and an alcoholic dad (who both recovered and ended up with a wonderful marriage) is not as traumatic as other children have had or have and were strong enough to go on with their lives. I get very angry with mysrlf because i should be able to push myself to better my situation, but something holds me back...i know it's ME but i cant seem to ever get passed it. My dad died last year and he was always my safety net. People have always told me that they admired me and how strong i am because I stood by my husband during his multiple illnesses and opiod addiction. Truthfully, and I've never said this outloud, I was afraid to leave because I didnt know how! That also did not help my daughter. So then there is guilt too for making her the way she is. I know this post is very long. I just have so many things going on in my head that never stops. Thanks for listening

[kenster1]

hi welcome aboard hopefully being here helps.

[Hidden]

You have done a great job of describing your issues and creating the framework for others to understand and relate to your feelings. Many of us can relate. I would suggest you continue to write here, just as you have done, but also a journal is a good way of tracking your own depression and seeing trends and identifying triggers.

You will get better and feel better if you share as you have. I think I would advise that you share with more people in person too. You will be surprised how un-unique your anxiety and depression is. Everybody is dealing with something. Don't give up the fight, try new solutions and something will break through.

[lmg6469 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much. I think I share too much with outsiders. For some reason, I feel like I need to tell everyone my issues! People get very sick of you after a while. 🤐. I have been thinking a lot lately about jounaling. It's all about the motivation

[mentalcase]

Welcome to the group. I'm also from an alcoholic home and was lucky if we ever saw my dad sober. He would beat my mother up, go to jail and her to the hospital, and when he got out it would be the same thing over and over. I just had a nervous breakdown 2 weeks ago, the worst one I've ever had, and am still not good yet. I stay depressed every day. I'm also very lonely and never have any motivation nor energy. I lost a boyfriend who died 6 years ago that I'd lived with for 16 years and it really messed my life up. It was the happiest I'd ever been in my life and now I can't find real happiness. I still grieve and miss him, which never ends. I've also had more than my share of trauma and could write several books, if only I knew how. Several weeks ago I was gonna start going to adult children of alcoholics online but something keeps coming up and I haven't been able to attend one yet. I've started going to alanon and prayer meetings and they help to get me out of the house, and hopefully help some of my problems. Medicine doesn't help me and I've been on several different ones through the years. I just started using CBD tincture to see if it will help my depression, and so far it has helped my sleeping. I have insomnia, and have racing thoughts constantly, so I have to take sleeping pills to shut my mind down so I can sleep. It's a never ending cycle. I hope you find something that will help you and I'm always here to try and help you. I've always said that I could be a therapist because I've been through so much.

[lmg6469 in reply to mentalcase]

Thank you. I hope you are able to find some peace.

[mentalcase in reply to lmg6469]

Thank you and you also.

[EndUser13]

Welcome! In the short time, I've used these forums I've seen a lot of positive people with helpful ideas.

Trauma is a curious beast and far too often it seems to leave us blaming ourselves for things outside of our control. Granted I don't know your story but at a glance, I am guessing you're really hard on yourself? Like many people with anxiety issues, I'm my own worst enemy.

I sincerely hope you are able to find something useful here, it's a great community.

[Hidden]

Welcome Img6469. You are so welcome here! You are carrying around a lot of heavy stuff! This is a place to come and put all of that stuff down. People here are so kind and caring. We all have our struggles you are not alone!

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Hi. I want to join others in welcoming you to the group. It’s really good to have you! Comparing yourself to others is never a winning game. That hasn’t stopped me from doing it though. Up to a point everyone does it. But the line needs to be drawn at comparing your trauma to others and feeling like they have done better “getting over” theirs even though theirs has been “worse”. Life traumas cannot be compared. To do so is a sure recipe for suffering. You are doing your best to understand and heal from yours. That’s all that you can do and it’s all that really matters.