Things were getting better...now back at square one.

[Sparky4545]

I was doing all the things I was supposed to. I was losing weight (down 25 lbs), I was exercising, I was meditating, mindfulness, and reading on how to combat my anxiety. I was leaning the house (disgusting!) and getting rid of the clutter.

I was getting better.

Then, all of a sudden it stopped. The anxiety started creeping back. All of the techniques to deal with it felt like ignoring my problems and feelings. This past weekend I started feeling bad. For the first time in months, I ran and hid in my bed. Last night my son sent a text telling me that he woke up so anxious he threw up.

Now I'm off the rails. The thoughts are pounding and I can't silence them. The feeling of even if I feel good for a moment, the fear is coming back makes it worse.

I'm right back were I started this journey. All this work and struggle have been for nothing.

[Hidden]

It's not for nothing. These things happen. Sometimes the anxiety and depression will come in waves and when it does you need to let those moments pass and know that they will not last forever. Sometimes though you do fall back into the old routines. You have to keep in mind when you are so used to a process you will fall back into it when pushed in that direction. And that is what has happened. But you have new skills now. It may seem like hey are not working but they do. You just need to be consistent with them as you were before. It is inevitable that you will have bad moods from time to time. This is part of life, some days will be good others bad but you are overall still trending upwards. Again, this is a minor setback and you can get out of it if you stick to your new routines. I know this for a fact. The moment will pass and you will feel good again. You are still doing great overall and you should be very proud of yourself for all that you have done. It is not easy, you did it, be proud of that fact.

[etrnloptimist in reply to Hidden]

Such good words Hidden . I have been in the hospital 3 times for serious health problems in the past few months and every time I get out and keep fighting. This time I was on meds that make my anxiety and depression skyrocket. And again, I'm starting off at what feels like square one. It is soooo hard to keep getting kicked down when you feel like you've tried so hard to make a better life for yourself. I just remind myself that people need me. Pets need me. My husband needs me. And I need me to be as well as possible. Habits are hard especially if your body has been doing them for so long. I have to believe that we will all feel good again.

[Gentlespirit]

The struggle has not been in vain its just that a reminder to do self care. Its ok to love and care for and about your son thats natural. Care for yourself too though.

[Jeff1943]

No good work is ever wasted. On your journey along the road to recovery you had a setback. Three steps forward, one step back: was it ever otherwise?

Nothing can take away from you the things you achieved before setback. They are still there waiting for you to reclaim them. Setback is merely the shadow of the shadow, old feelings reassert themselves but only temporarily.

You cannot fight the bad feelings from bed where all you can do is stew and think bad thoughts and nothing else.

Don't run away from the bad feelings when they come, recovery requires you to pass through them. They are unwelcome visitors but do not let them bully you. They are only thoughts and feelings, abstract things, they cannot damage you.

Don't run from them, don't fight the feelings either. Fighting will only cause more stress and strain. Instead do the unexpected: accept them for the moment. Agree to co-exist with them for the time being. Replace your fear of them with acceptance: masterly inactivity.

When you no longer fear something that is only a thought or a feeling your nerves recover- you are no longer pumping the hormones of fear into your nervous system. Then the unbelievable happens: all is well with you again.

Sparky, you have not lost all the progress you made before. Nothing bad threatens your welfare or existence. You do not have to put up with the fear of fear.

Accept it and you will lose your fear and the unwelcome visitor will depart.