Anxiety : The surging Throughout the... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Anxiety

Starrlight
Starrlight

The surging

Throughout the body and

Into the soul

It’s back again

The music under my skin

So I listen

I learn

Where it comes from

The minds they tell the lies

137 Replies

It’s tough enough, in this crazy world xx

Yes!!!!! Florida how are you?

Hi gorgeous, doing ok, trying to move back home now, but can’t get a flight at the moment because of lockdown. Xxx

Oh no that’s got to be stressful, eh? Huuuuugs

It is hun, with the lockdown in the U.K., looking at middle March x

Oh woah 😧

I’ll be thinking of ya and sending out good vibes(((((((((

Love you darling ♥️♥️♥️

❤️ you too!!!!!

😘

Hi Starr,

I read it. And struggled. And tried, and again. I will keep puzzling.

"The music under my skin". It stops me. Do you know Lovecraft? The Elder Gods? It recalls The Music of Erich Zann for me.

I will leave your concluding line alone. Maybe I can process it later.

My failing, I try to understand, sometimes too hard, you see. Not let things wash over me and set. Thank you.

The music under my skin stands for what I could see as a trigger or a blessing depending on the way I choose to view it. No I don’t know them. I’ll have to look it up.

If you enjoy horror fiction, read The Music of Erich Zann by Lovecraft. It is one of his best. Warning: It is disturbing. If you're interested, I can probably find a free copy online to read. Let me know.

"depending on the way I choose to view it" -- I love your idea! It is central, isn't it? But how much choice do we have as we are battered hither and yon by our internal tides?

A blessing? A curse? Both? As I comforted myself last night watching mr. monk Takes His Medicine (TV series), he shared with his therapist that he didn't want to be extraordinary. He wanted to be normal. (More or less.) Ditto.

Yes, but then Mr. Monk discovers how truly bereft he would be if he were normal.

Hi J,

Lovely to see you drop by. Are we talking about the TV show here?

P.S. How the hell did you get here so fast??? 🛸

😆

To answer your first question, I can only say that life does imitate art at times...😼

To answer your postscript question, I'd like to suggest that, perhaps, per "Mr. Monk and the UFO 🛸," I was beamed down here at that precise moment by undoubtedly superior alien beings, but, in truth, it was just hap. The same for my very late reply.

Remarkable. I'm sorry to hear you're down in the dumps.

Maybe my eagle story can cheer you? I hope you have a good night.

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

In an unexpected way, it did...my friend and I were playing a video game together earlier and one of the characters who kept getting into all manner of vehicular misadventures was named Matthew...so, I messaged my friend the Audubon story and we had a good laugh. Thanks, and I hope you find reason for laughter tonight, too.

You're welcome.

mrmonk,

Would you please post how to stop someone from following you? The step-by-step version please. I'm still pretty clueless here. I'm feeling quite paranoid this morning. I know you're good at all this stuff.

Speaking of which... any news about Internet Archive... I hope?

Oh, and how to get rid of a PM?

The only way to stop one person from following you is to stop everyone from following you. You can do this by going to where it shows your avatar in the upper right of the screen and click the word "More," then choose "Settings"; under the "Privacy" tab, uncheck the box next to "Allow other members to follow me."

Otherwise (and someone will probably correct me if I'm wrong), but I don't think you can stop a single individual from following you on HealthUnlocked (there's no real block feature), though you could contact HU Support and ask them to intercede on your behalf to request that the member stop following you.

To get rid of an individual PM, go to "Chat" at the top left of the site and in the list find the member's message thread you want to discard, check the small box to the left of it, then click on the "Delete" button with the garbage can icon to the left of it, which can be found at the top of the page just above the list of chat messages.

I'm not sure I know what news about the Internet Archive you mean? Employment?

Thank you for explaining.

About Internet Archive I meant had you gotten anywhere with employment.

You're welcome, of course.

It's been a few years since I last applied for a position with Internet Archive; I gave up because all the positions (volunteer and paid) were out-of-state and I don't think there's a lot of desire for them to hire someone from out-of-state for what is essentially an entry-level position.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

You are normal Mr monk ☮️😇❤️

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

I don't know, Hiba ... anyone who lives on a steady diet of Pixy Stix and poetry can't be all that normal 😸 But thank you for saying so 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Well I think your normal 😇 no matter what 👍🏻😊

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

There is no right definition of being normal we are unique and that is what makes us who we are 😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Oh yes, I much rather be called "unique" than "normal" ... yes, I like that a lot! Thanks, Hiba! 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

your welcome 😄

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

we should never feel embarrassed or ashamed of being “different” because in my eyes I think everyone is normal no matter what they say

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

I agree, no one should ever feel bad about being different; we should be proud to be different! 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Exactly and that is what makes us unique 😄😇☮️

Not to start your day with an ulcer, but we have had our share of proud and different for four years. I hope the changeover will be peaceful, and not the chaos the media warns us is expected. I've had enough of the violence. Would things have gone so far if the pandemic hadn't set everyone so on edge?

Not the kind of proud I'm talking about...and definitely not the kind of different. I'm with you on the peace and the end of violence. I'm fairly certain things would have played out similarly had there been no pandemic.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

I agree

Hi mrmonk,

I'm pretty bad today. I hope you can set me in the right direction. I hate going to hospitals, and I don't have a doctor. I have tried to Google this, but I can't find out, maybe it's because my mind is so bad today.

How do you know if your weight is dangerously low? I mean enough to go for help soon.

I think it's probably safe to say that it's a bad idea to let your weight get to a dangerously low level because by then, the damage will be done. I would calculate your body mass index figure based on your current weight and height, and if the weight status is in the "Underweight" range, you need to see a physician as soon as possible, even if you just go to a walk-in clinic instead of a hospital. Here is a link to a BMI calculator at the CDC website:

cdc.gov/healthyweight/asses...

Is there anything in the house that you could snack on just to get a little nourishment? Are you drinking water?

I am worried about you. If you need to seek urgent help, please do so right away.

Could you possibly link me to a "locked" post? I would like to talk less publicly.

Shall I make a comment in your latest post, since it's locked?

Thanks.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

😇😄

Such sweet harmonies in lines 4 - 6 and the way the short 'i's contrast with the long 'i's of the last line, very well done, Starrlight!

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to mrmonk

Oh yeeeaaah thanksMrMonk!!! How are you doing?

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

Well, I'm still down in the dumps, but I wrote a new poem recently, so there's that I suppose. How are you?

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to mrmonk

I’m so sorry my friend. I’m doing better than before when we’d talk. I would love love looove to read your poem!!!

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

Thank you and I'm heartened to know that things have improved for you -- long may the healing continue.

Despite it being an early draft, I've decided that I will add the new poem to my chapbook (replacing one of the poems with which I'm not as satisfied), so I will post here again once I've made the update, and the poem will be readable there. I'm so grateful and humbled for your continued interest in my work; poetry is the linchpin holding me together these days (well, it's always been thus, but more so now).

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to mrmonk

I’m looking forward to it. I hear you. I’m keeping you in prayer. You are important to me and I’ve missed you and I believe your time will come that you may rise up into a better place.

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

Thank you, dearly, Starrlight. I am blessed to count you as a friend and I hope I can one day reach that place where I can be a better friend to you and to all those I care for in this wonderful community. I miss these exchanges; I often wish I were more capable of nurturing friendships, but I find I fail at almost every turn.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

No you are amazing seriously super kind and funny i would consider you as my friend 😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Aw, thank you so much, Hiba 😹 I can't tell you how much that means to me -- your words and your friendship. You are such a special person and I am honored to call you my friend. 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Thank you to you as well 😄☮️😊

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to mrmonk

Not at all! Failing?! Nope. You are always right around the corner. I do know it’s hard to reach out at times though which is understandable and okay and no matter what, you are with me and I with you.

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

Why, of course, we are with each other -- you are Starrlight and the stars are always with us even when we can't see them in the day hours.⭐

Thank you, my friend, for being reassuring and a bright beacon of hope. 🌟

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to mrmonk

Beautiful. Love ya soooo my friend. Be ever so kind and gentle to yourself

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

😺🙏

Please help me find the chapbook link (again) when you've added your new poem. I often reread "down and distraught" to comfort myself.

How do you see failure? A reminder: I am, and always will be, your friend.

(Edit: Looked it up, okay, screwed up the quote, please forgive, the mind is failing.)

New poem has been added to the chapbook on page 18; here's the link to my Wordpress page where the chapbook can be either viewed or downloaded (both freely):

poemsinprogress.wordpress.c...

I fail when I try to get closer to people because my defective brain always screws things up.

No worries about the quote. Live long and prosper. 🖖

My dear friend,

Thank you for remembering to let me know. I lost myself there awhile (again). So much beauty. And Philip Larkin. You have so much to give.

Maybe I'll post "The Trees". Or not. It knocked me all over, but I loved it. What do you think? I'm not sure we have many poetry lovers here.

I am sorry you say you fail getting closer to people. It hurts me that you describe your amazing, wonderful mind as defective. Look again, and there may be so much more to the screw-ups than your mind.

An aside: Starrlight wrote to me today that she knows what it's like to struggle. Like "everything no matter what every day was living in hell". I learned something. Bear with me? Those words come so easily from me. I am filled with shame to live a life of such misery. I hide. But when she said the words, I didn't think they shameful! Only so sad, the hurt we endure. Forcing us to be soldiers just to go forward.

We walking wounded have learned empathy. I am sure you have better words than I do. You are so intelligent and sensitive. Don't turn those wonderful traits against yourself. I care about you a great deal. I am still here.

I know you are still here and I am so very grateful for your friendship.

I have been and always will be unwittingly the source of hurt for people (and for this, I sincerely apologize) because the same beloved brain that allows me the grace to hear poetry is also a box of bad, frayed wiring, full of faulty connections, blown fuses, electrical shocks.

"It's a gift. And a curse."

I can't help but think that maybe if I hadn't said the wrong things, maybe my wife wouldn't have ever gotten physically abusive with me...I don't know...it just feels like I can't make any relationship work no matter how much I try, nor how much I love or care.

My brain -- its defects and mistakes -- lets me and everyone else down in the clutch.

While I normally advocate for spreading poetry at any and every opportunity, maybe we can just try to keep "The Trees" clandestine, like a secret spot of solace in the woods that nobody else will ever find.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

I am so sorry about that Mr monk 😔

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Thank you, Hiba

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Your welcome ☺️ I’m sending you some of my love and Kindness 😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Love and kindness warmly received 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Please don’t loose hope there are a lot of people who love you here and like you here ❤️😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Don't worry, I never lose all hope. And I appreciate having such a supportive community to lean on when and while I'm feeling down.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

❤️❤️☺️ good

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Your not a source of hurt for me or for anyone else we all make mistakes and that is what makes us human

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

Okay, I've added the new poem to the old chapbook, which can be found here (the poem is on page 18):

poemsinprogress.wordpress.c...

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to mrmonk

I read the first one -brilliant. Can’t wait to read the rest!

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

Oh, since you haven't gotten there yet, I should let you know that I need to make one more revision to the new poem, so I will be reuploading the chapbook today. Thank you for your encouragement, Starrlight!

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Starrlight

Okay, I updated the chapbook and audio to reflect the revision. Sorry for the inconvenience:

poemsinprogress.wordpress.c...

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Can’t wait 😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Is that you in the audio

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Yep! I have a little speech impediment because I have very few teeth left (too many years of too many Pixy Stix 🎃)

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

It’s ok 😄 i will still listen to it 😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Thanks! 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Your welcome 😄

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

You should read books and do audio to them too 😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

One fine day, I'm going to create a poetry podcast, where I'll play recordings of poets reading their work, invite guest poets to read and talk about their work, and I'll read other people's poems, too 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Oh my goodness I will definitely watch that 😊😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Well, I don't think I'd film the podcast (no one wants to see my ugly mug 🙀), but I'd like to have it on Spotify or some similar platform.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Don’t say that

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

you are not ugly

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

I'm sorry, Hiba. I didn't mean to say anything upsetting. I guess I'm just not feeling very good about myself these days.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

No your fine i just dint like it when you say mean things about your self . I understand i just dint want you to feel this way 😞

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Well, let's see if I can think of some nice things I can say about myself to counteract the bad ... let's see ... well, I write poems, I care about people, and I love my cat! 😻

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

That’s the spirit 😃

😀

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Don’t apologize i am just concerned about you because i care about you

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

You are a dear -- so pure of heart -- thank you. 🙏

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Your welcome ☮️

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Please reach out if you need help 😄

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

I will try 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Good 😄 I don’t want you too feel this way I want you to be happy I posted a song it’s a very good one it made me teary eyed

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Thank you, sweet Hiba, I will be okay, some things just take time. I'm listening to the song you posted; it is very pretty and comforting. Thank you 😺

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Your welcome 😊

Hi Hiba,

Thank you for the song.

You’re welcome ❤️❤️

Hi Hiba,

What brand of lavender tea has helped you with anxiety? Or do you brew loose lavender?

Thanks for the tip.

Your welcome I use any lavender tea 🙏❤️

Thanks.

Your welcome ❤️❤️☺️

Me too Hiba, if there is something I can do, please ask.

Of course ❤️❤️

Wonderful! Soon I hope.

Where do I find the audio? I missed it.

Is it me, or is the numbering off? I finally found the audio, and page 18 is "At Sea". In the chapbook, page 18 is "Dolphin Days". Which is the new poem?

"At Sea" is beautiful. One of your best I think.

The new poem, "Dolphin Days," is the seventeenth poem on page 18 because the tenth poem, "Alias," spills over to a second page.

Thank you.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

I’m sorry I hope that you feel better soon ☮️

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

Oh, thank you so much, sweet Hiba! I hope you are well and happy!

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

Your welcome i am doing much better than last week last week was a rough week i felt so sad and agitated but i am doing alright this week so far

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Hb2003

I’m so happy that our are having a good week so far sweet you ❤️

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to Starrlight

Thank you i am hoping it stays that way ❤️

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Hb2003

Me too you deserve good things

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to Starrlight

Aww thanks you do too ❤️

mrmonk
mrmonk in reply to Hb2003

So much has been happening, lately, the sadness is completely understandable and relatable. I am glad to hear you are feeling better, though. I'm a big believer that there's always hope even in the worst of times.

Hb2003
Hb2003 in reply to mrmonk

I agree

I'm so happy for you.

how are you doing?

Hello Hiba,

I'm here. That's the good news. I like that you chose an avatar with a constant bright smile. It is cheering. My baby smiles too (my avatar). Her best smile is at shower time, when she closes her sweet eyes.

🥰 aww

Nice work Star

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

Hi ya Dolphin!

Dolphin14
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

Hi StarYou are very talented

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

Awww 🥰

Dolphin14
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

❤️

And you got a great review by Mr Monk. That's fantastic :)

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

True 😆

Love the poem 😄❤️

Starrlight
Starrlight in reply to Hb2003

❤️ 😊 😘 🌈 🌧 ☀️

I sent you a PM.

Take care of yourself. I am so sorry. I was stupid and insensitive. I hate myself for all of it. Reach out when you can and if you can, let me know if you can forgive me. I am so stupid.

It's okay, there's really nothing to forgive, no reason to hate yourself, you are neither stupid, nor insensitive. I'm just feeling really bad about myself right now and my marriage is a sore spot. I don't even think you knew the extent of the abuse I experienced, so please don't hate yourself for what you didn't even know.

It's gonna be all right.

Afraid to be on HU and cause more hurt to you and others. But I'm here: I need to read messages left for me today. I am still sorry. You couldn't know. Bad night last night and I was drugged before I wrote to you. Too messed up to shut the hell up. Worse endless day today. Every week try to hold on to microscopic hope and avalanche down. You don't owe me explanation. I'm sorry.

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