The surging
Throughout the body and
Into the soul
It’s back again
The music under my skin
So I listen
I learn
Where it comes from
The minds they tell the lies
Anxiety : The surging Throughout the... - Anxiety and Depre...
Anxiety
Written by
Starrlight
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137 Replies
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It’s tough enough, in this crazy world xx
Yes!!!!! Florida how are you?
Hi gorgeous, doing ok, trying to move back home now, but can’t get a flight at the moment because of lockdown. Xxx
Oh no that’s got to be stressful, eh? Huuuuugs
It is hun, with the lockdown in the U.K., looking at middle March x
Oh woah 😧
I’ll be thinking of ya and sending out good vibes(((((((((
Love you darling ♥️♥️♥️
Hi Starr,
I read it. And struggled. And tried, and again. I will keep puzzling.
"The music under my skin". It stops me. Do you know Lovecraft? The Elder Gods? It recalls The Music of Erich Zann for me.
I will leave your concluding line alone. Maybe I can process it later.
My failing, I try to understand, sometimes too hard, you see. Not let things wash over me and set. Thank you.
The music under my skin stands for what I could see as a trigger or a blessing depending on the way I choose to view it. No I don’t know them. I’ll have to look it up.
If you enjoy horror fiction, read The Music of Erich Zann by Lovecraft. It is one of his best. Warning: It is disturbing. If you're interested, I can probably find a free copy online to read. Let me know.
"depending on the way I choose to view it" -- I love your idea! It is central, isn't it? But how much choice do we have as we are battered hither and yon by our internal tides?
A blessing? A curse? Both? As I comforted myself last night watching mr. monk Takes His Medicine (TV series), he shared with his therapist that he didn't want to be extraordinary. He wanted to be normal. (More or less.) Ditto.
Yes, but then Mr. Monk discovers how truly bereft he would be if he were normal.
Hi J,
Lovely to see you drop by. Are we talking about the TV show here?
P.S. How the hell did you get here so fast??? 🛸
😆
To answer your first question, I can only say that life does imitate art at times...😼
To answer your postscript question, I'd like to suggest that, perhaps, per "Mr. Monk and the UFO 🛸," I was beamed down here at that precise moment by undoubtedly superior alien beings, but, in truth, it was just hap. The same for my very late reply.
Remarkable. I'm sorry to hear you're down in the dumps.
Maybe my eagle story can cheer you? I hope you have a good night.
healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...
In an unexpected way, it did...my friend and I were playing a video game together earlier and one of the characters who kept getting into all manner of vehicular misadventures was named Matthew...so, I messaged my friend the Audubon story and it gave us a much-needed bit of laughter. Thanks, and I hope you find reason for laughter tonight, too.
You're welcome.
mrmonk,
Would you please post how to stop someone from following you? The step-by-step version please. I'm still pretty clueless here. I'm feeling quite paranoid this morning. I know you're good at all this stuff.
Speaking of which... any news about Internet Archive... I hope?
Oh, and how to get rid of a PM?
The only way to stop one person from following you is to stop everyone from following you. You can do this by going to where it shows your avatar in the upper right of the screen and click the word "More," then choose "Settings"; under the "Privacy" tab, uncheck the box next to "Allow other members to follow me."
Otherwise (and someone will probably correct me if I'm wrong), but I don't think you can stop a single individual from following you on HealthUnlocked (there's no real block feature), though you could contact HU Support and ask them to intercede on your behalf to request that the member stop following you.
To get rid of an individual PM, go to "Chat" at the top left of the site and in the list find the member's message thread you want to discard, check the small box to the left of it, then click on the "Delete" button with the garbage can icon to the left of it, which can be found at the top of the page just above the list of chat messages.
I'm not sure I know what news about the Internet Archive you mean? Employment?
Thank you for explaining.
About Internet Archive I meant had you gotten anywhere with employment.
You're welcome, of course.
It's been a few years since I last applied for a position with Internet Archive; I gave up because all the positions (volunteer and paid) were out-of-state and I don't think there's a lot of desire for them to hire someone from out-of-state for what is essentially an entry-level position.
You are normal Mr monk ☮️😇❤️
I don't know, Hiba ... anyone who lives on a steady diet of Pixy Stix and poetry can't be all that normal 😸 But thank you for saying so 😺
Well I think your normal 😇 no matter what 👍🏻😊
😺
There is no right definition of being normal we are unique and that is what makes us who we are 😄
we should never feel embarrassed or ashamed of being “different” because in my eyes I think everyone is normal no matter what they say
I agree, no one should ever feel bad about being different; we should be proud to be different! 😺
Not to start your day with an ulcer, but we have had our share of proud and different for four years. I hope the changeover will be peaceful, and not the chaos the media warns us is expected. I've had enough of the violence. Would things have gone so far if the pandemic hadn't set everyone so on edge?
Not the kind of proud I'm talking about...and definitely not the kind of different. I'm with you on the peace and the end of violence. I'm fairly certain things would have played out similarly had there been no pandemic.
Hi mrmonk,
I'm pretty bad today. I hope you can set me in the right direction. I hate going to hospitals, and I don't have a doctor. I have tried to Google this, but I can't find out, maybe it's because my mind is so bad today.
How do you know if your weight is dangerously low? I mean enough to go for help soon.
I think it's probably safe to say that it's a bad idea to let your weight get to a dangerously low level because by then, the damage will be done. I would calculate your body mass index figure based on your current weight and height, and if the weight status is in the "Underweight" range, you need to see a physician as soon as possible, even if you just go to a walk-in clinic instead of a hospital. Here is a link to a BMI calculator at the CDC website:
cdc.gov/healthyweight/asses...
Is there anything in the house that you could snack on just to get a little nourishment? Are you drinking water?
I am worried about you. If you need to seek urgent help, please do so right away.
Could you possibly link me to a "locked" post? I would like to talk less publicly.
Shall I make a comment in your latest post, since it's locked?
Thanks.
Such sweet harmonies in lines 4 - 6 and the way the short 'i's contrast with the long 'i's of the last line, very well done, Starrlight!
Oh yeeeaaah thanksMrMonk!!! How are you doing?
Well, I'm still down in the dumps, but I wrote a new poem recently, so there's that I suppose. How are you?
I’m so sorry my friend. I’m doing better than before when we’d talk. I would love love looove to read your poem!!!
Thank you and I'm heartened to know that things have improved for you -- long may the healing continue.
Despite it being an early draft, I've decided that I will add the new poem to my chapbook (replacing one of the poems with which I'm not as satisfied), so I will post here again once I've made the update, and the poem will be readable there. I'm so grateful and humbled for your continued interest in my work; poetry is the linchpin holding me together these days (well, it's always been thus, but more so now).
I’m looking forward to it. I hear you. I’m keeping you in prayer. You are important to me and I’ve missed you and I believe your time will come that you may rise up into a better place.
Thank you, dearly, Starrlight. I am blessed to count you as a friend and I hope I can one day reach that place where I can be a better friend to you and to all those I care for in this wonderful community. I miss these exchanges; I often wish I were more capable of nurturing friendships, but I find I fail at almost every turn.
No you are amazing seriously super kind and funny i would consider you as my friend 😄
Not at all! Failing?! Nope. You are always right around the corner. I do know it’s hard to reach out at times though which is understandable and okay and no matter what, you are with me and I with you.
Why, of course, we are with each other -- you are Starrlight and the stars are always with us even when we can't see them in the day hours.⭐
Thank you, my friend, for being reassuring and a bright beacon of hope. 🌟
Beautiful. Love ya soooo my friend. Be ever so kind and gentle to yourself
😺🙏
Please help me find the chapbook link (again) when you've added your new poem. I often reread "down and distraught" to comfort myself.
How do you see failure? A reminder: I am, and always will be, your friend.
(Edit: Looked it up, okay, screwed up the quote, please forgive, the mind is failing.)
New poem has been added to the chapbook on page 18; here's the link to my Wordpress page where the chapbook can be either viewed or downloaded (both freely):
poemsinprogress.wordpress.c...
I fail when I try to get closer to people because my defective brain always screws things up.
No worries about the quote. Live long and prosper. 🖖
My dear friend,
Thank you for remembering to let me know. I lost myself there awhile (again). So much beauty. And Philip Larkin. You have so much to give.
Maybe I'll post "The Trees". Or not. It knocked me all over, but I loved it. What do you think? I'm not sure we have many poetry lovers here.
I am sorry you say you fail getting closer to people. It hurts me that you describe your amazing, wonderful mind as defective. Look again, and there may be so much more to the screw-ups than your mind.
An aside: Starrlight wrote to me today that she knows what it's like to struggle. Like "everything no matter what every day was living in hell". I learned something. Bear with me? Those words come so easily from me. I am filled with shame to live a life of such misery. I hide. But when she said the words, I didn't think they shameful! Only so sad, the hurt we endure. Forcing us to be soldiers just to go forward.
We walking wounded have learned empathy. I am sure you have better words than I do. You are so intelligent and sensitive. Don't turn those wonderful traits against yourself. I care about you a great deal. I am still here.
I know you are still here and I am so very grateful for your friendship.
I have been and always will be unwittingly the source of hurt for people (and for this, I sincerely apologize) because the same beloved brain that allows me the grace to hear poetry is also a box of bad, frayed wiring, full of faulty connections, blown fuses, electrical shocks.
"It's a gift. And a curse."
I can't help but think that maybe if I hadn't said the wrong things, maybe my wife wouldn't have ever gotten physically abusive with me...I don't know...it just feels like I can't make any relationship work no matter how much I try, nor how much I love or care.
My brain -- its defects and mistakes -- lets me and everyone else down in the clutch.
While I normally advocate for spreading poetry at any and every opportunity, maybe we can just try to keep "The Trees" clandestine, like a secret spot of solace in the woods that nobody else will ever find.
I am so sorry about that Mr monk 😔
Thank you, Hiba
Your welcome ☺️ I’m sending you some of my love and Kindness 😄
Love and kindness warmly received 😺
Please don’t loose hope there are a lot of people who love you here and like you here ❤️😄
Okay, I've added the new poem to the old chapbook, which can be found here (the poem is on page 18):
poemsinprogress.wordpress.c...
I read the first one -brilliant. Can’t wait to read the rest!
Oh, since you haven't gotten there yet, I should let you know that I need to make one more revision to the new poem, so I will be reuploading the chapbook today. Thank you for your encouragement, Starrlight!
Okay, I updated the chapbook and audio to reflect the revision. Sorry for the inconvenience:
poemsinprogress.wordpress.c...
Is that you in the audio
Yep! I have a little speech impediment because I have very few teeth left (too many years of too many Pixy Stix 🎃)
It’s ok 😄 i will still listen to it 😄
Thanks! 😺
You should read books and do audio to them too 😄
One fine day, I'm going to create a poetry podcast, where I'll play recordings of poets reading their work, invite guest poets to read and talk about their work, and I'll read other people's poems, too 😺
Oh my goodness I will definitely watch that 😊😄
Well, I don't think I'd film the podcast (no one wants to see my ugly mug 🙀), but I'd like to have it on Spotify or some similar platform.
you are not ugly
I'm sorry, Hiba. I didn't mean to say anything upsetting. I guess I'm just not feeling very good about myself these days.
No your fine i just dint like it when you say mean things about your self . I understand i just dint want you to feel this way 😞
Don’t apologize i am just concerned about you because i care about you
You are a dear -- so pure of heart -- thank you. 🙏
Please reach out if you need help 😄
I will try 😺
Good 😄 I don’t want you too feel this way I want you to be happy I posted a song it’s a very good one it made me teary eyed
Thank you, sweet Hiba, I will be okay, some things just take time. I'm listening to the song you posted; it is very pretty and comforting. Thank you 😺
Hi Hiba,
Thank you for the song.
You’re welcome ❤️❤️
Hi Hiba,
What brand of lavender tea has helped you with anxiety? Or do you brew loose lavender?
Thanks for the tip.
Your welcome I use any lavender tea 🙏❤️
Me too Hiba, if there is something I can do, please ask.
Of course ❤️❤️
Wonderful! Soon I hope.
Where do I find the audio? I missed it.
Is it me, or is the numbering off? I finally found the audio, and page 18 is "At Sea". In the chapbook, page 18 is "Dolphin Days". Which is the new poem?
"At Sea" is beautiful. One of your best I think.
The new poem, "Dolphin Days," is the seventeenth poem on page 18 because the tenth poem, "Alias," spills over to a second page.
Thank you.
I’m sorry I hope that you feel better soon ☮️
Oh, thank you so much, sweet Hiba! I hope you are well and happy!
Your welcome i am doing much better than last week last week was a rough week i felt so sad and agitated but i am doing alright this week so far
I’m so happy that our are having a good week so far sweet you ❤️
Thank you i am hoping it stays that way ❤️
Me too you deserve good things
Aww thanks you do too ❤️
So much has been happening, lately, the sadness is completely understandable and relatable. I am glad to hear you are feeling better, though. I'm a big believer that there's always hope even in the worst of times.
I'm so happy for you.
how are you doing?
Hello Hiba,
I'm here. That's the good news. I like that you chose an avatar with a constant bright smile. It is cheering. My baby smiles too (my avatar). Her best smile is at shower time, when she closes her sweet eyes.
🥰 aww
Nice work Star
Hi ya Dolphin!
Hi StarYou are very talented
Awww 🥰
❤️
And you got a great review by Mr Monk. That's fantastic 
True 😆
I sent you a PM.
Take care of yourself. I am so sorry. I was stupid and insensitive. I hate myself for all of it. Reach out when you can and if you can, let me know if you can forgive me. I am so stupid.
It's okay, there's really nothing to forgive, no reason to hate yourself, you are neither stupid, nor insensitive. I'm just feeling really bad about myself right now and my marriage is a sore spot. I don't even think you knew the extent of the abuse I experienced, so please don't hate yourself for what you didn't even know.
It's gonna be all right.
Afraid to be on HU and cause more hurt to you and others. But I'm here: I need to read messages left for me today. I am still sorry. You couldn't know. Bad night last night and I was drugged before I wrote to you. Too messed up to shut the hell up. Worse endless day today. Every week try to hold on to microscopic hope and avalanche down. You don't owe me explanation. I'm sorry.
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