Family

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow]

I love my family. We had a poor child hood because of my parents circumstances and choices. My dad was not in my life the 1st 10 years. Drugs owned him. My mom is mentally not ok (bipolar and trauma brain.) She also doesn't remember a lot of things she did. I also mentally block out some things. Some where around age 12 my parents got back together but they weren't actually together. All they have ever done is fight and bash each other to their kids. They still do and I've been out of their house 15 years. They have a close relationship with my kids and my dad tries to make up from missing out on my childhood. My kids are now at a age where they can try to be a peace keeper between them. And that. That is what is killing me. I was this same child and remember feeling like it was my job to put out the fire. I often wish I could just ghost my family but I dont see that been the answer either...

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

I had one “nuclear bomb” trauma in my life when I lost both parents in a horrible way. But after that I was raised by wonderful loving parents and had a really good childhood. You, on the other hand, have had a different kind of trauma....unrelenting throughout most of your life. You so need self-compassion and to forgive yourself for debts you never owed. I know that’s not easy. But you are wonderful for trying your best to make sure that the same family dynamics that have caused you so much pain and suffering do not and should not befall your kids. And you will ultimately be successful at that because you are both aware of the same patterns starting to develop and determined to protect your children from the same fate you’ve had to endure. But you can’t do it alone. Do you have any support that you can call on? Setting clear boundaries on your parents when it comes to your kids is what’s needed and Is no easy task given your loaded history with them. As you go through this, try, try, try to be kind to yourself. That has always been a great challenge for me so I know how hard that can be. But you need and deserve it.

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow in reply to Catsamaze]

Thank you that's pretty good advice and I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply. I think its hard to ever feel like I'm doing the right thing. I definitely need to hold more accountability on my parents.