Good day to all my compadres on this site. I've been staying at my friend's house every night ever since November 2nd, my son physically assaulted me and both of my daughters took his side. He has since apologized and blamed it on taking a new medication (25 mg zoloft) I haven't felt comfortable sleeping at my own home since this occurred. Yesterday I went home to check on my 16 year old and they had received packages from Amazon of sweaters for the three of them, not a one for mama. Then last night I popped home to pick up a few things and once again they were intercepting 3 lovely fluffy blankets. Nothing for mama. Writing this down and reading it, it kind of sounds petty but I feel sad, mad and I just want to stay away from them. Thankful for this site.
Hurting today & cant sleep - Anxiety and Depre...
Hurting today & cant sleep
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Appreciate someone like your mother or parents - believe in yourself and others - would be good lesson for them to learn but whatever lesson they get at the end of it - looks like you should stay away longer! What are you going to do?
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I'm not sure what I'm going to do... I want to start planning for a way to move out and let them deal with taking care of a home without my help. It would be hard at first living on my own but I know it would be better for me.
Do forgive them but do what is best for you and that sounds like the best position to take - good luck to you and may you be SAFE!!!
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I'm working on the forgiveness part, plus trying to stay safe. Thank you 💗
How awful and I'm so sorry. Am I right in thinking that you have two adult daughters and a 16 year old son living at your home? And you are too scared to return there because of your 16 year old?Remember this is your home - is it rented or do you own it? If rented it might be easier for you to rent your place and leave them to it. But if you own it then you need to kick your adult daughters out and as they support your son's actions tell them to take him with them. Do not be alone with your son as he might attack you again. Zoloft isn't a strong med especially 25 mg and could not have this effect on him. I take 150 mg and would never attack anyone so I think this is an excuse. You need to protect yourself from him as this is serious stuff.
Your kids are treating you horribly but you might find some physical distance between you for a while would be a good thing. But remember it's your home and not theirs, so if anyone should leave they should. Take care of yourself.
Hi Hypercat: Since I divorced my ex-husband in 2014 the kids have lived with me. I rent. From the sale of our house (I lost it in the divorce) we didnt have anywhere to go, at the last minute I found this townhouse and paid for a years rent (18,000) so as we could get on our feet and not worry about the rent. My oldest son who is 30 got very upset with me one morning when I told him that our electric bill was due. We argued, I left and came back after paying the bill myself. He confronted me again saying that I was a liar and an embarrassment to them. I tried to get in my room to get away from him and he shoved me as hard as he could across the room. I wasn't bracing for it as he had never exhibited any violence towards me. Instead of my daughters helping me off the floor they immediately started to defend him. I was shocked and stunned, left the house and stayed away for two weeks keeping in touch with the youngest via text and by picking her up for lunch, shopping etc... after a month of no one saying anything about what happened I decided to talk to him. He said that he didn't mean to get so angry or to put his hands on me. He said that he was sorry and it would never happen again, also blamed the medication. I too take 100 mg of zoloft and have never attacked anyone. My ex-husband passed away in July and the two oldest received 8000.00 from his pension. I am waiting for my portion of his pension so I am not able to make a move yet. I plan to move out once I'm financially stable. I always thought it was us against the world but now its them against me. I cry all the time about what's happening and I cant thank the kind people on this site enough as it has helped me get through this tremendously. Thank you for your reply 💕
You are very welcome. It's obvious to me why your adult children are still at home - they expect you to run around, take care of them, and pay all their bills! Talk about entitled people. I agree it's probably better to take your youngest and leave them to it. They will soon find out the harsh realities of the world when they have to pay their own bills and not have mommy to rely on any more.
Good luck.
I don't know what to say. It's so horrible. I'm so sorry that's happening to you.
😢
Thank you dear, I never would have treated my mama this way. I'm hoping that they realize one day just how much they hurt me.
Maybe could all consider group therapy?
Got to be a reason why your children are acting this way? Sounds like they are resentful?
Sorry to be devil’s advocate here.
Doesn’t give your son the reason to hurt you or anyone but there are reasons and the drug is not one of them.
Dig deep. Definitely ask your eldest to leave though timing would be difficult!
Take care
Thank you for your words. I have mulled this over so much and I haven't been able to come up with anything. I never remarried or brought another man into the home, I worked alot trying to keep our family afloat. I will continue to try and figure out what went wrong but I dont know if i will ever discover what caused all of this. I thank God for a very good friend who has let me stay at his house and for the lovely kind people on this site. 💕
What about having a family meeting? Be a good chance to talk and for them to talk see what went wrong?
I've tried doing that and it's too much for me to bare, they have so many negative things to say that I get overwhelmed. (3 against 1) but I plan to try again in the future. 💕
Yes I can understand that must be overwhelming for you. Why they have such negative things to say? It’s not easy as a parent i am sure and no one can understand until your a parent your self.
If you don’t mind me asking, did you spelt up from your husband? That can affect children not matter what the age. X
Apparently they feel as if I wasn't as good of a mom as I made myself out to be. My ex-husband and I spit up in 2014, I took the children as he had an alcohol problem. They lost all contact with him even though he did try a few times over the years to reach out to them. He passed away in July due to cirrhosis of the liver and they never mended their relationship. It seems as if now that he is gone I am the target. My oldest is 30, middle 24, and youngest 16.
Sounds like they could be hurting and your an easy target to bully. Really not nice and I feel for you. There are people who don’t react to difficult situations, bottle feelings, br one bitchy etc; they tend to shout and hurt others and it’s a way of coping, I believe.
I don't know anymore Cat I've gone over in my mind what I could've possibly done to get this sort of treatment. I too think they are hurting and there is no other parent, grandparent or other family I am the one who is taking the brunt of this. Have a splendid holiday!
I think you maybe right.
I would stand up to them; after all you are their mum, and they need to show you respect, especially your older children.
I would go back to the house and sit in the living room and watch tv and do what you need to do - it’s your house, you are the owner, you built it, therefore it’s yours to live in. I would start charging your eldest children house keeping- they really need to grow up. Sorry I know they are your children and it’s not easy to hear any negative feedback.
I would ask them about family therapy?
If your son try’s to lay his hand on you again I would maybe call the police? Or at least threaten him with it?
I wish you a Happy Christmas x
The two oldest pay rent otherwise I wouldn't be able to afford it here alone. They also split utilities and phone bill. So I think that plays a part in how/why they are behaving this way. But I go home and do the usual things I do but it's just the feeling I get of separation, disconnection that drives me to leave. Thanks for chatting with me!! 💕
Oh dear! I am trying to know how much it must be hurting as a mother.
Maybe you can talk to them, they seem teenagers and rash behavior is common during these days.
Do you want to share more?
It's the worst emotional pain I've ever experienced. I think that the money that they received from their father's death benefits have gone to their head and walk around with their nose in the air. I did not raise them to be so cruel but for reasons that I dont know about they have banded together against me and the only solution that makes sense is for me to move away. Thank you for replying I appreciate it more than words can say. 💕
Oh dear! If you think that going away is the solution as of now, let it be and be in peace with yourself for some time. Things will get better soon.
I hope, one day these teenagers realise, what the shit they are doing.
You can share anything, anytime. Always here.
Take care!
Merry Christmas.