After my dad's death yesterday and the prospect of sorting out his estate as well as the thought of moving home is driving my anxiety off the scales. Brother has been excellent now he is talking about controlling the estate and splitting dad's money when he previously said he wasn't that bothered about the money
Just can't cope with this now and the uncertainty
I am so very sorry for your loss. Please remember, one day, one minute, one second at a time. A death is not only tragic but also filled with uncertainty and as you said, anxiety. Everything will work out in the end. My prayers are with you!
Very sorry for your loss, be easy on yourself you haven't just list your father which is nad enough you may lose your home.Have you found out how long you have to vacate the home you shared with your Dad , you live in UK so hopefully you will get rehoused
Yes, I have been told that they have a duty to find me somewhere, worry is that is in a bad area or nowhere near public transport. The cost as well. No idea how long I have. Struggle with change. Just feel so tired.
Hope you get offered somewhere nice
First off I want to say I’m so sorry for your loss.No wonder why your anxiety has gone off the scale.Did you live with your dad is that why you have to move? if you don’t mind me asking? If not could you put off your move until you have things sorted with your dad.You find family always say they don’t care about money but when things happen it soon changes.You must remember the memories you have of your dad and the good times.try to take one day at a time.you will never get over losing your dad but you will learn to live along side of it.thinking of you.Take great care xx
Thank you. Yes I was living with my dad so I could look after him.
I live with my dad to and my family so that I can look after him.I did get told that the landlord would have to find us somewhere to live if anything happened to my dad.I hope you get somewhere nice to live and I really do feel for you not only have you lost your dad you have also lost your home.But surly things can only get better in time,If ever you need to talk remember lots of people are here for you sending big hugs to you xx
I really do feel for you.This makes me feel my problems and anxiety is very small compared to what you are going through.Thinking of you at this hard time in your life xx
Thank you
Bless you I really do feel for you.If ever you need to talk I’m here for you.You will feel drained it’s normal for what your going through.This has always been one of my anxieties losing my dad and my home I constantly worry about that.As you know like you I look after my dad I’ve brought my two children up in this house.so to have it taken away will tear me apart.Your not only losing your home you have also lost your dad as well so your losing two things at once.Did you ever have anxiety about losing your dad before and your home? Or has all this just started.If you don’t mind me asking.My heart really goes out to you.I wish I could help you more xx
Yes, I had been thinking for a long time about what happens in the future. In the last 3 or weeks it has got worse because dad became ill. I have focused so much on him since my mum died 4 years ago my life is almost incidental. My mental health slowly became worse and now this. I worry about most things and the future scares me. Afraid of change, of loneliness. I feel useless bad because I feel I need to be strong but not sure if I can. Thank you for your kindness
Your very welcome you are stronger than you think because you doing this now.I never thought I would ever meet someone that is a mirror image of myself.Ive taken care of my dad since my mum died I was 16 at the time.I know how you feel about life being incidental.All this is a lot for someone to cope with on their own.Im here for you! The future for you can’t get any worse than what you have been through it surly can only get better.Im like you I don’t like change either but let’s hope the change is a better one! Xx
You are so kind. It can't be easy for you with children as well. I am alone now, don't have many friends as I always found it hard and feel awkward socially. You are very kind x
You have a friend in me! Yes it’s hard with the children I do my crying in the bath a lot so they don’t see. I don’t have anyone either that I can talk to it’s very hard when your looking after a parent.there should be more groups for people like us.just don’t have social time. Not enough hours.remember I’m here for you.when you need me xx
Thank you, feel selfish to be honest, loads of people have issues and problems in their lives, I feel guilty about talking about my own problems. I cry in the shower I admit. If you ever need a chat just let me know.
Don’t you dare feel selfish.Yes we all have problems and that’s why we are here on this site.I can’t even begin to Think how you must feel at the moment I’m lost for words. You are going through a terrible time and it’s good to talk about it.So when you need me I’m here.take care and I’m thinking of you x
I am sorry for the loss of your father. If you did not move right away, would you still be able to have things from your dad's estate? Maybe give some space to your brother and have a talk with him about those things before making a big move. Just that fact that your anxiety is up regarding the uncertain aspects of moving and handling the estate, take the time to do some self help. Sit with a friend or counselor who can help you process your grief and the aspects of moving. Don't try to work on that alone, try to have some counsel about your situation.
a death, grief, loss...these would be trying circumstances that would make anyone even without anxiety feel overwhelmed...from what you are describing seems like you are taking steps/actions and working through the issues. Perhaps give youself more credit?
I'm so sorry for your loss , and your anxiety.
I know you have so much to sort through and it's overwhelming you.
Try to force yourself to concentrate on one thing at a time. Also, build in some breaks, maybe just 5 minutes at various intervals through the day where you are not thinking of anything at all. Just focus on your breath.
It is important that you calm yourself down first. The practical tasks will always be there, but will be easier to handle when you are in a better state of mind.
Also, can you speak to your brother about your difficulties? Can he help you to look for a place to stay? Money is always an ugly issue and divides people, but family is worth so much more than money. I really hope that this doesn't create an issue for you both.
Please take care of yourself, and come back and let us know how you are doing.
Bigneil1 , i am sorry for your loss. it is hard to cope during these times. it is important that hurt people hurt other people and sometimes not knowingly. it may not make it right but we should still try to forgive them. also, it may be a good idea to talk to him about how you are feeling on these issues. ask him to explain the reason supporting his new decision. hope this helps you. sending a hug.
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