Overthinking and trust issues

[Benji043]

I have so many trust issues when it comes to relationships and believing if someone is screwing me over from past horrible experiences and i just want to get over them so i can trust again and not overthink everything.. any advice how to get over it?

[Starfish_]

Are you currently in a relationship, or no? If you are then I'd suggest explaining to your partner your worries and that they are based on experience so they don't feel like its personal against them.

If you're meaning just in general, I think it depends in part on what happened, but know its okay to be hurt or feel however you are feeling about them. Looking back of there were any red flags or consistencies between the incidents/relationships make a note of it but this can also lead to overthinking so you decide if that would be helpful or not.

Maybe try and remember/list relationships that have gone well. If there were any moment where you felt vulnerable but your friend/partner/whoever made you feel safe. It can be easy to forget the times where things have gone right when it feels like lately everything has gone wrong.

I have been in an unhealthy relationship, and now in a more healthy one and I've found myself comparing moments in my current relationship and how my partner now reacted rather than how my ex would have. Example: I hung out with friends all day, lost track of time, didn't text/call my partner that day. My ex would have gotten angry, jealous, made me feel bad for "ignoring him". My current partner asks if I had a good time, how my day went, says its no big deal and everyone loses track of time. This makes me feel more secure in my current relationship by seeing how it is better than my past one.

Sorry for the long post, I hope you find something that helps!

[Hidden]

I feel this way to, and I just want to say it’s a part of who we are, we sometimes try to protect ourselves and there’s good and bad to this. The most important thing is giving others a chance, the ones who haven’t hurt you and deserve a chance.