I wonder if anybody has had issues with accepting their body for what it is?
In the past 4 months I have lost 35 pounds, but I am still not satisfied. Even tonight (Sunday, November 15, 2020) I had a work out cancelled with a friend so I am bummed about that.
I like all parts of my body except for my upper body. I am not working hard enough on it because I feel I lack the dedication to seriously hit the weights.
I look at a lot of fitness model who look amazingly fit and sexy, the female models. I see their dedication and I wish I had it.
In the end, I am trying to love myself for me. But I feel ugly because of my poor upper body development. I feel I am handsome face wise, but sometimes I feel like females see my belly and be disgusted.
Does anyone have advice on self love in regards to body image?
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jwhitleyjr
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Hey jwhitleyjr!
Self-love is a LOT easier said than done. Most people don't manage to love and accept their bodies and looks their entire lives and in a society like today where we basically get told from all directions (social media, magazines, TV series with insanely hot people, etc) that we are not good enough/too ugly, it's actually very hard to maintain a healthy relationship with your body.
I've put mine through the ringer over the years. I've overexercised to the point of injury for a long time, I was anorexic, then I became bulimic and all the while I tortured my body and had the most negative thoughts towards myself. It wasn't that I thought I was ugly, I just somehow thought that being cruel to myself in my head, calling myself a "fat cow", ugly, unlovable etc, would somehow spur me on to work harder, eat less and become better.
Truth is, if you're trying to "look a certain way", chances are you'll never be happy. Because once you've fixed whatever you think is wrong with your belly, you'll move on to another body part to obsess over.
I can't give you a fix for loving your body or accepting yourself. What helped me a lot was
1. a change in environment. At the height of my eating disorder I lived in a country where you wear bikinis year-round and everybody was insanely skinny naturally. Neither of those things helped my head much...
2. a change in approach to exercise: Instead of exercising to lose weight, tone up or look a certain way, I found a sport that I loved with people that were kind and supportive (of all shapes and sizes) and I decided I wanted to be really good at it. As a result, I focused on performance over looks, and that's really what saved me
I now love my body. Not because it all of a sudden looks so much better or is flawless, far from it actually. But I am strong, I am fast and healthy and I feel like I can tackle anything in life. I enjoy food, GOOD food without feeling guilty because I naturally eat to fuel my body.
It all just kind of closed the circle for me
Maybe that helps you a little or does that sound like something you could try?
But a sport would be a good start. Healthy nutrition would also help because good quality, nutritious food gives you lots of energy, regulates your blood sugar levels and helps to stabilize your mood
I love that! I signed up to a kickboxing trial (post lockdown of course...)
Are you always battling body image issues or do you have good and bad days?
If you have good ones and bad ones, then use the good ones to be proactive and come up with new things to try, maybe try journalling?
It really helps me to write down what I'm grateful for and happy about, especially about myself, when I have a good day and then refer back to it on a bad day. Tends to put the negative thoughts into perspective
I'm not saying this was easy for me, but it's sort of simple to do once you fail to view or compare someone or something else as perfect. The way I see it there's no such thing as perfect, neither do I value anything ever to be perfect. When I put effort into things, myself and my body included, I look for sustainability, predictability and durability. I suffer from PCOS and I successfully attend the gym three times a week, yet it's part of my diagnosis that I'm never going to ever be anywhere near an acceptable BMI. It is my experience that once you come to terms with realizing that this is the way we look, we're probably never going to be much different and actually I'll probably get uglier with age according to traditionally Western beauty signifiers, you sort of stop bothering about it. Truth is though I'm in a harder position to have healthy bodily proportions everybody else are dealing with the same thing and eventually I'm assuming they'll reach the same conclusion; what we look like have little to do with who we are and more to do with genetics and the less influence you have on a matter the less it's your business to fix it.
My biggest issue for the time being is my visible set of fat. I have a lot of belly and it affects my trouser size a lot. I find it especially bothersome given everything else in my body has come to be kind of proportionate as to what I look like, had I not been so terribly fat in that one area I'd look sort of acceptably huge. But that's not my decision to make neither is it anything I can control without surgical procedures, of which I'm very much uninterested. Even if I were to have a reasonably proportionate body now that I'm still relatively young, age will take it away eventually and on it goes again.
Simply put, I solved this body image issue largely by putting it off my "giving a fuck"-budget. I don't have time or energy neither do I want the time or energy to bother about what my body looks like. Bodies are different and they're always going to look different in real life anyway. By simply not bothering at all I've gained the self-esteem and courage to do real important shit instead (call my mother, go to work, do a good job, reinvent beauty standards to emphasize function and accomplishment rather than sheer aesthetics). How each and every one of us come to the same conclusion is a lot less important than the fact that we do and that by every person acting in relation to them being persons rather than walking models of established superficiality we're teaching each other that out of all the problems we have left to solve together, our bodies ain't one of them.
First of all don't be too hard on yourself not all women are this way in my own personal opinion I can't say many of my relationships have started with physical attraction I'm sure your personality is wonderful !
its nice to be with someone who is self secure but not overly.you find some men who to me not attractive but think they are gods gift 😒that is a big turn off !
Not all women look at body image and I'm not just saying that you will have certain qualities which override your image and make you more attractive to a woman Besides things like arrogance can't Always be changed but if you really want to change your upper body you can It starts by being motivated to do it and put your mind to it set a schedule to work to make targets.The key is also to be able to look at yourself and tell yourself you are beautiful you were made this way for a reason and if you can't change it sell be it .I hope my post is helpful
Women who place too much importance on physical looks are probably not worth getting involved with. That being said, there is nothing wrong with taking care of ourselves physically, mentally and spiritually. It is a must in order to stay healthy. However, our goals should be realistic and balanced. If it is never enough for you than you are not approaching things in a healthy way. et realistic goals and love yourself as a whole person. Perfection is impossible and it will be exhausting trying to accomplish it.
I've dealt with body image myself also from my 20s when I was actually skinny to a few years later when I became overweight. I have gradually come to terms that my body image is based on how I grew up and who I saw around me. And just like you I too saw supermodels who I wanted to be. I'm learning though that once you get a handle of your emotions, your body image will start to get better. What has helped me is taking up hobbies and things that I enjoy. I've also started working out at home. I've lost 2inches since I started a few weeks ago. May not seem like much, but it's an accomplishment that I am proud of.
Find your thing and work on that. Start slowly. Cleanse your soul by writing how you feel. If you think that's cheesy, then talk in a video or your computer or your pet. I am far from where I want to be, but I'm taking baby steps to accomplish my goals. Stay positive and good luck!
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