New to this site I figured I would post an update on my day

[crecre]

Hi all, I wanted to give you an update on how my day is going today. I have been living at home since my brother passed but I decided to go to school today to be with my friends. There is drama going on between my friends and honestly it's nice to focus on stupid crap like that instead of the reality that I have been dealing with. I am dealing with a bit of survivors guilt because I feel like I should not be having fun. I feel like I should be crying every second but my tears usually only come when I am alone or with my mom. I feel guilty for forgetting sometimes. I feel guilty for having fun with my friends. I know this is really common but I don't know how to get past the guilt. I wish I had normal people problems where I cared about what color my nails are or if "bobby" talked to me today. But no, I have to deal with the fact that my brother is dead and that he's not coming back. Two of my ex-boyfriends also died this year at the age of 20. Why do I feel cursed? There is so much death and trauma in my life and I am only 20 years old.

[FearIsALiar]

Hey welcome to the group!

Drama is definitely not fun to deal with. I would try and stay out of that for a bit because that’s definitely not good for your mental health! I can understand that it’s easier to focus on than reality of things but still! You don’t want to deal with that and then the reality of things. I hope that makes some kind of sense.

I relate to this a lot! I wish I never had anxiety/depression or any kind of trauma. I wish my mind would just relax and not worry about every little thing. I don’t want to be this way. I hate that I’m like this at times but if it means I can help others then so be it.

I’m so sorry for your losses. I’ve lost a few friends this year and it was such a shock to me. They had such a bright future ahead it seemed and now it’s all gone..It definitely hurts but this life here on earth is only temporary. I try and remind myself that when I start to worry. I try and tell myself just make the most of my life and try to enjoy it. It’s definitely hard because I deal with so much.

[FriendlyDude]

First off, welcome!

Second, I’m sorry for your losses.

I don’t think you’re cursed, but it’s definitely hard. I think that your brother would want you to be happy, right? He would want you to laugh freely and have genuine fun with friends, to live a good life! Can you do that for him? I believe that if you do that, you’ll honor his memory, and he’ll watch over you with a smile on his face

I wish you the best! I hope I was of some help (: