I'm new here and want to rant and see if anyone can relate...

[redapple1]

My dad hates me and I think that's why I hate myself. On the outside, he seems like a great father and on some occasions, I really get along with him. However, most of the time he picks on and bullies me and has given me ridiculous punishments my entire life. It started probably about 5 years ago when I turned 13 and started becoming a teenager. In middle school, when I would talk back or yell he would make me spend literal days writing lines. He once made me write "I am a brat because I talk back" 1500 times in 6th grade. It took me nearly two weekends to do it and during the time I owed him the sentences I wasn't allowed to watch TV, go outside, see my friends, talk on the house phone, or even leave my room for the most part. Just school and sentences. I remember being in ninth grade and not being allowed to have a smartphone like nearly every one of my peers. He didn't like social media and never allowed me to have it. I just wanted a smartphone to fit in and make friends, which I never had trouble with in the past but now did because I was out of the loop on anything internet related. I saved up money to buy myself a phone and even got a small part-time job watching my neighbor's children to afford the bill each month. Finally, I had enough money to buy myself a phone in the middle of ninth grade. I came home from the store, excited that I had worked so hard for the phone. He asked to see it, then completely disabled everything on the phone so I could only make phone calls and texts. I couldn't even use "Safari" to google things. I was a little devastated because I was hoping he'd be proud of me for working so hard for the phone and instead he just ruined my phone in my eyes. Why have a smartphone I just paid nearly 400 dollars for when it has the same functions as a 40 dollar flip phone? He also relentlessly takes it away for weeks and months at a time and still does today. I currently haven't been in possession of a cellphone since the middle of August and I have 2 part-time jobs and attend university. My college work is currently online due to the pandemic, so I am staying home for the semester. My dad took away my phone, hid it, and even though I pay the monthly bill and I paid for the phone itself, he won't let me have it. I wanted to go away but my parents wanted me to stay at home. My dad wants me to stay home more specifically to "help out with my brothers". I just hate living in this house so bad. I just don't see any way out. Eventually, I'm just going to have to buy a new phone and hide it from him, but I'm trying to save up money to move out and that just sets me back. He just hurts me so bad and is such an obstacle in my life. He says such awful things to me as well. He makes comments on my body and lets me know if I'm gaining or losing too much weight. He calls me fat and disgusting even though I'm average weight and have struggled with eating problems in the past. He stares at me while I'm eating and comments on if I'm eating too fast or too slow or with my mouth a little open. He's called me pathetic and useless and says when I move out I will fail. Whenever I get excited about something, he tells me to quiet down. I've been so miserable I can't even focus on my schoolwork. Monday through Thursday I just smoke a lot of weed to numb myself (I know this is a bad coping mechanism but it helps my anxiety and depression better than any antidepressant) and attend my online classes. I sometimes don't have the energy to do any classwork but I'm not too far behind. I always had great grades but I just find it hard to care anymore. Nothing makes me happy when I'm not high. Fridays and Saturdays I work at my first job at a pharmacy from 7-2, then I work at a pizzeria from 4-9. I usually work Sundays all day at the pharmacy. I never talk to any of my friends anymore because they all started college and new lives. I don't even have a phone to stay connected to them. No one even really knows I'm dealing with all things. I usually just say my phones broken or I'm taking a break from it instead of telling people my dad took it away like I'm 10. People think I'm really attractive and funny and outgoing but I don't really have any close friends because I don't let people in my life. I just try to put on a smile for everyone outside of my house and pretend like I'm fine.

[tback715]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like a very difficult situation to live in. I hope you are able to move out on your own soon. He will not change. It’s not ok and you don’t deserve that kind of treatment.

[Hidden]

Redapple, you said you are in university. Now that you are an adult it is not ok for your parent to be confiscating and hiding your things. You may have to put up with his behavior for a while longer but know that it’s not right. This sounds like a controlling person trying not to let go of his influence over you. Bear in mind that he may not even realize what he is doing. But eventually you need to get away from him.

Would it be possible to sit down with your mom and dad and respectfully discuss this with them? Sometimes once you make it clear that you respect yourself and expect to receive respect from other adults, a parent will realize that he needs to stop thinking of you as a child and himself as your disciplinarian.

If that doesn’t help, maybe look around for other family you could move in with, or rooming with a friend while you are in university?

All the best.

[redapple1 in reply to Hidden]

I stay with my nanna sometimes but usually my mom forces me to come home because she doesn't want me to burden her. I want to get a scholarship to a college out of state that I can dorm at but that wouldn't be till fall of 2021. I've tried to discuss my feelings with him but he gaslights me and makes it seem like its my fault and my mom never stands up for me in front of him even if she'll agree with me in private.

[Hidden in reply to redapple1]

So sorry you are in this difficult situation. If your mom sympathizes with you, maybe just focus on your relationship with her for now. Reach out and vent on here anytime! We want to help even if the only way we can is by saying, “hang in there! It’s not going to last forever and you can get through this.”

[charliegirl2016]

My Father was very strict with me, so I can relate to some of the things you shared. Parents are far from perfect and can make bad decisions, and when I realized that, I saw my Father in a different light. Finding a counselor through the university or state may give you the tools you need to deal with and work through the difficulties you endured. We can only take responsibility for our own actions, lack of actions or reactions in our relationships. Becoming an adult is more than an age, it's also about responsibility and accountability. If you respectfully ask him for your phone and he chooses not to give it back, cut your losses, and purchase a contract phone. Learn to choose your battles. Take it one day at a time.