Looking for post-abortion support

[LonelyLizzie]

I was raped in 2015 and it resulted in pregnancy. Due to multiple reasons, I aborted the baby. I am still struggling with the loss, the what ifs, and I just don't have anyone to talk to about it. Is there anyone out there who might understand?

[Hidden]

LonelyLizzie I am so sorry for the pain and horror that caused you and is still causing. First rape is horrific no matter what. I know personally. This is no easy thing to have to face let alone the result being pregnancy on top of it. I am so sad you had to deal with that and the choice that was put in front of you. So painful.

[LonelyLizzie in reply to Hidden]

Rainbows4Life, thank you. I just hate that I have no one to talk to about it. I haven't told many people about it. I was raised Lutheran, so I was taught that abortion was a SIN and was NEVER an option. But there were so many factors that went into my decision. I had no evidence to press charges, so he could have potentially taken the baby from me, or at least gotten partial custody- and the thought of him in my life forever makes me sick (I never told him I got pregnant). I was on so many medications that I would've had to be taken off of, and because of that, I would have had to spend my pregnancy in the hospital. Because of the medications I was on there was a good chance that my baby would have some birth defects already because I found out late. I wasn't in a good place mentally, going in and out of the hospital for various reasons. I just couldn't put my baby through that, and I couldn't risk losing the baby to that monster. I did what I thought was best for my baby and myself. I can't change that, and therefore I cannot regret it.

[tback715]

I can’t fully understand in that I have not lived your experience. In fact, there is not another person in this world who has lived your experience. It is unique to you. Your feelings are valid. You were horribly violated then left to also deal with a pregnancy. You did not deserve any of that. It’s not your fault. You made a decision that was the best decision you could make at the time, considering all you were dealing with. The “what ifs” are horribly painful, yes. You would have those what if thoughts even if you continued the pregnancy. It’s human nature to ponder what could have been had we made different decisions. You are worthy. You have value. You did the best you could possibly have done at the time. Sending you love & comfort.

[LonelyLizzie in reply to tback715]

Thank you so much, tback715. I overthink EVERYTHING. I think it's hurting extra lately because I had a miscarriage last week. I hate that my mind wanders to the thought that it's karma, and I'm being punished for what I did. I know that's terrible thinking, but I can't help it. I've had two miscarriages, so it's just hard to think I could have three children right now, but I have none. It just hurts to think... what if I missed my only chance? I don't know if I will ever forgive myself if that turns out to be the case.

[tback715 in reply to LonelyLizzie]

Oh no. I’m so sorry. I can see why the feelings are coming up now. There’s one thing I know for sure and that is you are not experiencing bad karma. You see, I’m Buddhist-ish and karma is not simply your actions, but the intent of your actions. You had no ill intention. You were dealing with deep violation and pain that someone else inflicted on you. So I can assure you that karma is coming for that person, not you! I know a few women who had abortions and they went on to have children. You are going to get there. Sending love to you.

[LonelyLizzie in reply to tback715]

Thank you for sharing that. That actually really helped to hear that. I don't like to wish bad things onto others, but I do believe in karma. Thank you for that insight, that's extremely helpful. I just fear that I will never have children because no one can really assure me that I will, and that I missed my "one chance."

[tback715 in reply to LonelyLizzie]

I understand the fear of not having children. If you can, try to stay in the moment, because we get into trouble when we look back or look forward. Mindfulness could really help or perhaps a meditation for fertility or similar. There are meditations for every possible scenario on YouTube. Sending you much love.

[Hidden]

Lonely Lizzie, Don't feel bad for aborting a blob of cells that wasn't a baby anyway. These cells are not from a person you loved.

You were violently raped. Why would you want that baby? All it would do is to remind you of this horrible experience, if this baby was born. Since everything comes from our genes, this baby might have picked up genes to become a rapist, like his father. You did the right thing!

I was raped twice. Luckily I didn't get pregnant from them. But I was dating someone for a couple months and got pregnant. There was no love between us. Just sex. I never told him, and I got an abortion years ago, and I don't even think about it. In the very early stages, it's not even a baby or a person.

[Hidden]

Hi I am sorry for your loss and ongoing struggle. I found this website that you might find helpful:

optionline.org/after-aborti...

I have not experienced anything like what you have and can only imagine how difficult it must be. I know second-hand that a miscarriage can be devastating. Know that I am sending prayers for you and I hope you soon find support to get through this.

[LonelyLizzie in reply to Hidden]

I've visited that website, but they don't offer support groups. What I'm really looking for is to talk to others who have gone through the same thing. But you would be shocked at how hard it is to find a support group for that. I've been trying for about six months now. I've just been jumping around from different mental health support groups, but none offer groups specifically for post abortions.

[Hidden in reply to LonelyLizzie]

I had no idea it was so hard to get support in this situation. Have you tried Abbey Johnson’s website? Sorry it may be controversial. I don’t know if her organization offers support for this but I know from reading her story she had more than one abortion.

[LonelyLizzie in reply to Hidden]

I have not looked at her site, but I will take a look. I had no idea it was so difficult either until I started looking. All I can find is counseling, but not support groups or peer groups.

[Glitterstar in reply to LonelyLizzie]

Hi, I think you can try Buttons Project for post abortion healing.

[Hidden]

Hi lizzie. i’ve never personally had an abortion but I support that you did and im sorry that you had to go through that. wether you learned abortion was a sin, you did what you thought was best at that moment for both of you and that’s all you ‘can’ do; the fact you cared about what would happen to that potential child if you kept it and wanted to protect it from what could happen to it, is evident of a good person. anyone that says otherwise is insensitive and you don’t deserve punishment for it. you’ve been through enough. there’s a reddit abortion support group r/abortion that may be a good place for you. I hope you find good support, learn to forgive yourself and heal from what you’ve been through.

[LonelyLizzie in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for your kind words. I found the support group on reddit (I've never used reddit before), but I think it's what I'm looking for-so THANK YOU! I don't know what that never came up in any of my google searches? But thank you so so so much. I hope I can also find the support I am looking for so I can heal as well.

[CourageousCalm]

Hi, I also got an abortion after an unwanted encounter (can't bring myself to say the word) in 2012. I kinda put it in a box and don't think of it often, but can identify the sense of grief, shame, violation, and alone-ness during that time. I still have a lot of self-blame around that and other traumas I've experienced. Not sure I'm ready to process this at depth with someone online, but I'd like you to know I've been there.

[LonelyLizzie in reply to CourageousCalm]

If you are ever willing to talk about it more, please feel free to sent me a private message. I know it may be weird to talk to someone you don't even know, but it might help to talk to someone who knows what it's like. It might help me anyway... My offer is always open, even if you just want to talk about other things as well. Sending positive vibes your way.

[LonelyLizzie]

Thank you, I appreciate that. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I'm here if you ever want to talk as well.