Hello Community

[Bluebeagle2020]

I am new here. Have had depression for most of my life and have been doing really well (thank you, Cymbalta) for the past 7 years. Then this past week I was almost suicidal. Triggered by an unexpected financial stress. I hate hate hate how fragile my mental health is. I have worked so hard for so long to get where I was, for what? Can anyone relate? Where do you get the strength to get up again and rebuild?

[bogwitch]

I did a program where we learned about making sure you have emotional margin or padding for when the blows come so it doesn't make mental health dip so low. A lot of it was doing quite a bit of work on the front end health wise to ensure baseline is higher and have a wider variety of things going on in life so if one facet dips there are others to focus on. I tend to be a homebody so it's really just work, small friend circle, maybe a relationship, and not much else. Having hobbies/interests, learning new skills, or active "time wasters" (the gym, walking, cooking as a hobby, planning weekends/trips) instead of screen time meant that if I got in trouble at work or if something disrupted a friendship I had other things adding positivity to my life so it wasn't as impactful. Also, keeping my coping skills varied and immediately engaging in them when the emotion hits. Best of luck!

[Bluebeagle2020 in reply to bogwitch]

That's a really good idea about "emotional margin". Do you have any resources on that? I did some really good education on depression, but it's been years now and I think I need a tune-up!

[bogwitch in reply to Bluebeagle2020]

cogtoolz.com/pages/grapes-tool This is one I really liked. It makes sure your day is varied and intentional. It helped a lot when my anxiety caused depression because the anxiety had me "frozen" and the depression had actions be completely unfulfilling when I tried them. It's definitely something that doesn't seem to have an impact short-term but when you do this week after week you come to realize things are easier and bad stuff is less impactful. If I have a triggering moment I would immediately go to my GRAPES and see what was open for the day to do something other than crash out. I'm in a low too and it's hard to remember that mental health isn't a straight line, but it isn't. All the work and learning you did up until this point is still there and still valuable; it'll help get you out of the low quicker and easier than before. Dips are completely unavoidable in life and most of the time have nothing to do with you/are unpreventable. You're still doing well even if you may feel differently in this moment.

[Bluebeagle2020 in reply to bogwitch]

I just checked out GRAPES and the website. What a great tool! Thanks for the tip!

[HisDaughter]

I am very sorry you almost became suicidal! Our lives are fragile. There are people who don't suffer from a mental illness who also become suicidal if there is something big that affects them negatively. No one is invincible. I suffer from depression too and I know that it's not easy to live with this illness. I am very glad Cymbalta has helped you for so long. Sometimes having a support group helps. Take care of yourself.

[Bluebeagle2020 in reply to HisDaughter]

Thanks for your kind words. Just having other folks here that get it is really helpful.

[HisDaughter in reply to Bluebeagle2020]

You are not alone. It's wonderful that you decided to share.